How Your Heart Beats
by zukoshotpants
Summary: Zuko has developed an annoying and inconvenient crush on Katara, which is so incredibly unfair. Convinced she is out to torture him, Zuko is in for a barrage of emotions as people continue to get involved, even though he specifically asked them not to. Rated M because I'm a baby, for a bit of explicit language/content, and the deep complicated abyss that is Zuko's brain. Zutara
1. In Which Sokka is a Huge Gossip

Author's note: I'm pretty excited about this story, as it started as something stupid and silly and sort of snowballed into something a lot bigger than that. As a warning, it does get a little dark in _some_ places, because this story follows Zuko exclusively, and his mind is a scary place sometimes (themes of abuse within). It was just supposed to be silly, but I lost that battle when I chose Zuko to be the main conductor of the story oops. Read on for emotions, Gaang shenanery, and lots of stomping away dramatically! (will contain emotion explosions and also a little bit of explicit behavior/language but that's Zuko's fault and not mine). Enjoy!

_Just a side note: I now have a tumblr dedicated to this sort of fanfictiony thing, which you can follow if you want I mean you don't have to but if you do want to it's_ fire-lordzuzu dot tumblr dot com :)

* * *

She had no idea.

"I'm the only one who does things around here," she sighed, stalking around the campfire like she did every night, picking up stray bits of laundry and other people's belongings. Zuko watched her with what he hoped was an inconspicuous stare; but it wasn't his fault. Katara existed merely to torture him, he was sure of that much.

Maybe she wasn't aware of it, or maybe she was doing it on purpose to _infuriate _him, but the way her hips swung and the silk of her dress _clung_ to her frame nearly made steam hiss from his nostrils.

No, Katara had no idea.

"Hey, I have a huge burden," Sokka said, "coming up with plans and constant scheduling is _very_ taxing."

"I'm sure it is, Sokka." Katara responded wearily, bending over to pick up his dirty socks. _Sweet Agni. _Zuko swallowed and tried not to stare. "So taxing that you can't even pick up your _socks_."

"I don't have to, you always do it." Sokka reasoned, stretching back. Katara scowled and crossed her arms.

"If you took care of your _own mess_, I wouldn't have to do it for you!" she retorted. Sokka just shrugged. Katara scowled again and bent down to pick another sock up, which gave Zuko a generous view of her chest.

That time, steam _did_ hiss from his nose, which caused everyone to give him a strange look.

"Is everything ok?" Aang asked.

"Yeah," Zuko rubbed the back of his neck, and looked down at the ground. "It's fine."

Katara just gave him an odd look and sashayed away.

Later that night, Zuko was standing by the edge of the water, brooding, when Sokka approached him.

"I know what's buggin' ya," he said, a hint of smugness creeping into his voice.

"Do you?" Zuko asked flatly, not really interested. If Sokka really knew what was bugging him, then it definitely wasn't a conversation Zuko wanted to have. _Yes Sokka, yes I was staring at your sister's ass._

"I'm not gonna pry too much," he said in that tone of voice that told Zuko yes, he was going to pry too much, "but it seems to me like there's a _certain girl_ in our group you've developed a little crushy crush on." he waggled his fingers around when he said this.

"What? That's ridiculous."

"You don't have to hide it from me," Sokka assured him, putting an arm around his friend. "I understand how you feel. She's quite the special lady."

"Sokka, I don't have a crush on anyone."

"Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko," Sokka tutted annoyingly. Zuko sighed and his shoulders heaved. Was it too much to ask to be able to go to bed, he wondered? "Whenever she walks by, you blush like a _little girl_."

The comment struck Zuko in _just_ the wrong place, and he began to grow irate, as he was like to do.

"I do not!"

"So you DO like her!" Sokka exclaimed triumphantly. "I knew it!"

"I...fine, whatever." Zuko resorted to what Katara always called his 'grumpy voice,' in the hopes that Sokka would drop it. Unfortunately, Sokka was A HUGE GOSSIP.

"AHA! What are you gonna do about it?" Sokka was beside himself. Zuko sighed and shrugged.

"Nothing? I don't know." Zuko gave him a wary side glance. "What would...you do?"

"Zuko, my pupil, you have come to the right master." Sokka spoke with an air of importance. "My first bit of advice would be to _not_ tell her about your scar. She probably wouldn't care, but it could put a damper on the thing initially. Sensitive subject, you know."

"I'm pretty sure she already knows about that, Sokka." Zuko snapped. This was getting ridiculous. _Why did I ask him for advice at all?_

"I don't think she does," Sokka insisted, "No one has ever told her about it that I know of."

"But she..._you're talking about Toph_." Zuko realized with a start.

Sokka looked a little bewildered.

"Yeah, aren't...you?"

"_TOPH IS TWELVE YEARS OLD! I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON A TWELVE YEAR OLD."_

"Wait, so who were you talking about?" Sokka's face just looked confused for a minute, then his face darkened. _"Noooo."_'

"Sokka..." Zuko prepared for the eventuality in which Sokka would attack him for ogling his little sister.

"Suki!" he shrieked. Zuko slapped his forehead with his hand.

"It's Katara, you dolt." he snapped. "Can I go to bed now?"

"Waaaait." Sokka held his arms out. "You like _Katara_?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. See Sokka, the thing about firebenders is, when there's no sun, we get really tired, so..."

"You like _Katara_?" he seemed unable to say anything else.

"YES."

Sokka gaped, his mouth dangling nearly five inches from his jaw. He pointed at Zuko, and then at Katara off in the distance, and then at Zuko again.

"Have you two...does she...do you guys..."

"_No_, no no." Zuko shook his head quickly. _If only_. "No, Katara hates me. You know that."

"Still?" Sokka frowned. "But I thought after your life changing field trip, she changed her mind about you?"

"She did what she referred to as 'publicly giving me a hug to make Aang shut up'."

"Ooh." Sokka tapped his chin with a forefinger thoughtfully. "That does sound like Katara."

Zuko jerked his shoulders upwards as if to say 'well, there's nothing I can do about it,' and looked back out at the water. If truth be told, he had never liked the water. He hated being wet, there was altogether too much of it, and fighting waterbenders always took more effort when they could put out your attacks with a few meager splashes.

But the water had become Katara, silken and rippling, calm and fierce, glittering and soft. Something about the way water snapped from one thing to the other, from tranquil and lovely to angry and biting, reminded him painfully of her.

"You know..." Sokka mused out loud, "if you like Katara, just tell her."

"What, so she'll stab me with icicles?"

Pausing, Sokka held up a finger.

"I would watch out for that, yes, BUT- I'm gonna tell you a _secret_." When he said 'secret,' his voice got super low and whispery. Zuko leaned in closer.

"What, what is it?"

"Way back, when you were still evil and trying to kill us, we met this group of kids who lived in trees and exacted vigilante justice on Fire Nation soldiers."

He stopped, and Zuko shook his head a little, raising an eyebrow.

"Is that it?"

"No, see, they had this leader. He was totally charismatic, tough, and _bad_. He fought with two big hook swords..."

"I know that guy!" Zuko said with a start. "He stalked me all over Ba Sing Se; he was convinced I was some sort of _firebender_. Can you believe that?" He paused. "Oh right. But he ended up getting arrested, I never found out what happened to him."

"Yeah...that's another story." Sokka scratched his forehead awkwardly. "Anyway, the point is, he was a total _bad boy_. And Katara was all. Over him." When Zuko gaped at him, Sokka nodded smugly. "She made him a hat. I caught then kissing, like _twice_. I nearly beat him senseless, but..." at this point, he put an arm around Zuko's shoulders, "luckily for you, I think you're pretty cool."

"Wait wait wait, Katara _kissed him_?" Zuko's voice raised, and he had to keep himself from shooting fire into the ground. "_Twice? _If I ever see that kid again, I'm gonna _kill him_."

"Uh...yeah." Sokka did that awkward head scratch again. "I don't think that's...necessary. But the point is, _Katara likes bad boys_." Zuko didn't seem to get it, so Sokka gestured wildly at him, opening his arms out wide as if to say _TA DA_. "You're a total bad boy! You're brooding, grumpy, angry..."

"That's enough," Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. "Are you saying Katara will like me more if I act like an asshole?"

"Yes, more or less."

"That's _idiotic_."

"Is it?" he waggled his eyebrows annoyingly.

"Yes," Zuko hissed. "I just...I have to go think about this," Giving Sokka a semi-awkward shoulder pat, he left the water's edge and walked back over to the fire.

"Zuko, thank god, the fire's going out," Toph said, her tiny hands extended towards the fire. "Hook us up, will ya?"

Obliging, Zuko pointed two fingers towards the pitiful campfire and pumped a little more into it, before he started to turn around for his tent.

"Are you going to bed?" Suki called. Zuko turned his head.

"Uh, yeah. I'm really tired, I..."

"Come sit with us!" she said in a friendly tone, patting the ground next to her. Aang nodded eagerly, his eyes wide. Sighing, Zuko turned back to the fire and sat down between Toph and Suki.

"I have a joke!" Aang said. "Zuko, you like jokes, right?"

"I...guess?"

"Okay, listen-" Aang raised his arms and steadied a stance, almost like he was about to demonstrate a bending move. "What did the earthbender say to the waterbender?"

"What?" Katara prompted, sharing a look with Suki.

"_Water_ you doing?" His mouth dropped open, and he looked around expectantly, a dopey look plastered over his face.

Toph snorted, but Zuko had a suspicion that it wasn't at the joke so much as it was as the _quality_.

"That was great," Katara said in a sweet voice, rubbing Aang's head. She was always doing that. Was it because Aang was bald? Or because he was the kind of kid who seemed like he could fit in your pocket if you folded him up enough times?

Aang blushed like a girl.

Katara turned to Zuko, and looked at him expectantly.

"Well?" she asked. "What did you think?"

"What did I think?" Zuko looked at her, and she raised her eyebrows, nodding at him. "I think you mean..._water_...d I think?"

Everyone stared at him blankly. Zuko grumbled, and in a spout of frustration, stood up and and stormed off. _I can't do this._

He knew that storming off wasn't a great way to make friends, and it wasn't necessarily the optimal solution to every awkward situation, but it was the only thing he could ever come up with. Muttering could be heard from the campfire, and Zuko was about to keep stomping until he felt better, when a hand grabbed him by the arm.

"_What_?" he snapped, feeling fire balling in his fists.

"Calm down," Katara stepped back, a little afraid, looking at his hands. Flustered, Zuko stumbled back several steps, turned an embarrassing shade of red, and made sure his hands weren't burning anything.

"I'm sorry, I'm..._sorry_," Zuko mumbled, wanting to _scream_. He raked a hand through his hair and turned to walk away, when Katara stopped him again.

"Stop doing that!" she said, her grip firm. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Zuko swallowed, his throat thick. "About what?"

"About the way you keep stomping away every five seconds," she said, frowning. "You wanted to be part of our group, but you don't even want to sit with us!"

"It's not that I don't want to," he said, frustrated, "I just _can't_. I can't sit with people who expect me to laugh at their _stupid_ jokes, who expect me to contribute, who, when I _do_ try and act like a regular person, sit there and stare at me like I have three extra arms."

"You're not even giving it a chance," Katara insisted. "They _like_ you. They aren't out to get you, they're you're friends."

Upon hearing the word, Zuko balked. He looked at Katara, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. He bit at his lips, momentarily distracted by the way her breasts were pushed together.

"Zuko?" she snapped her fingers. "Are you in there?"

"I don't have friends," he said, snapping back. "I never have. I'm not the kind of person who has that kind of thing."

"What about me?" Katara asked quietly. "I'm your friend, right?"

Zuko nearly gave her a double take. But she seemed honest, earnest even. Her blue eyes were wide and full of...what was that, sympathy? Did she feel sorry for him? For some reason, that sickened him as much as the word _friend_ did.

"You hate me," was all he could force out of his mouth.

"I don't hate you," she said, acting for a second like she was reaching for him. Zuko instinctively reached back for her, but ended up raking a hand across her chest by accident. He apologized rapidly and awkwardly, resisting the urge to stomp away dramatically. Katara maintained her composure and smiled at him tightly.

"Why do you think I hate you?"

"Because of what...what happened," he said, referring to the incident in Ba Sing Se. _Stupid_.

"I told you, I forgave you for that," Katara said gently, folding her hands together. "I even gave you an 'I forgive you hug.'"

"Yes, I...I remember the hug..." Zuko scratched the back of his neck with a hand. _She was so beautiful_. "But I thought that was just a cover, I didn't think you'd actually forgiven..."

"Zuko," upon hearing his name in her voice, Zuko felt his heart quicken embarrassingly in his chest. "Of course I've forgiven you. What you did...that was a really nice gesture. It showed me that you cared, that you really wanted to prove yourself. But you don't have to prove yourself _all the time_. We _like _you, really! Especially Toph."

"Toph," Zuko smirked briefly. "She would."

"So..." ventured Katara, her hands twisting, her eyes boring into his expectantly. "Will you come back and sit with us?"

Zuko gave her a wary look.

"Do I have to listen to bad jokes?"

"No." Katara smiled reassuringly. "And don't be so self conscious." she brought her hand to his shoulder, and gave it a small little rub. Her thumb brushed over his collar bone, and Zuko took in a sharp breath that he was sure Katara must have noticed. "You're pretty cool."

"That's what Sokka said," Zuko said, killing what maybe could have been a moment between Katara and any other boy. But not him. Girls like Katara didn't have moments with guys like him. Maybe she'd had a moment like this with that crazy stalker with the crazy eyebrows. But Katara only gave him a small smile and dragged him back to to campfire. Sokka was there, and when he saw Zuko emerging from the darkness with Katara, he waggled his eyebrows suggestively again. Zuko scowled.

He sat down, and couldn't help the flutter of disappointment that sank in his chest when Katara crossed to sit next to Aang instead of him_._

* * *

Another author's note: Thanks for reading! Of course, Zuko will see this crush on Katara as entirely her fault and the biggest inconvenience of his life ever, and he's extremely displeased that Sokka's brought himself into it, because it just makes it more of a hassle. Zuko is a complicated boy and I think he tends to repress, so he'll be forced to come to terms with his feelings as his Katara emotions develop (the subtitle for this story is basically 'Zuko has a lot of feelings about various things.'

Zuko is very perplexed that Sokka is getting so involved in this progression of his feelings for Katara. Little does Zuko know that it's about to become _so much worse_. Next chapter- Zuko makes tea, teaches firebending, and accidentally has an embarrassing emotional breakdown.


	2. Ponytails Are Not Very Badass

Authors note: Wow, thank you all so much for the reviews and the follows and the other whatnots! You're all the best and I'm glad I can share the story of Zuko's awkwardness with the world. So here is the second chapter! Huzzah (also this chapter has a little more of the dark stuff, themes of abuse within). I didn't make ATLA or Zuko but if I did things would be _very different._

* * *

The next morning, Zuko woke before everyone else, as he normally did. Shuffling out of his tent, he started a new fire and started to heat some water for tea. He looked around for something to use, but there was nothing around but peppermint leaves, so he settled with that. His uncle would have been able to make something delicious, but Uncle Iroh wasn't here and everyone was just going to have to deal.

He was picking the peppermint when Katara poked her head out of her tent.

"Zuko?" she mumbled sleepily, blinking in the sunlight. Her voice was husky from lack of use, and Zuko swallowed.

"What?"

"Why are you awake?"

"I always wake up this early," he said, standing up quickly, dropping a large portion of the leaves he'd collected. He scowled and bent down to pick them back up, and threw them unceremoniously into the pot before he sat down.

"Do you always make the tea?" Katara wondered, coming sluggishly out of her tent, a pale blue robe wrapped around her body. _Spirits, was there anything underneath that_?Zuko swallowed again, and could only watch as she yawned and shuffled over to sit next to him. Her hair was tangled, and all Zuko wanted to do was run his fingers through it and feel how soft it was. _No, that was stupid_.

"Yeah," he said, realizing he hadn't answered her question yet.

"For all of us?"

"It's a six cup pot, so, yeah, all of you."

"That's really sweet," Katara said, yawning. "I always assumed it was Suki who made it."

"Suki doesn't usually wake up until 8:30," Zuko said, heating the water to make it boil faster.

"Ah."

There was silence for a while, and Zuko caught himself looking at her from the corner of his eye. The robe was thin and he could see the outline of her..._everything._ He heard her throat clear, and his eyes snapped up to hers.

"Uh..." Zuko scratched the back of his neck again, and looked back at the teapot. He looked at it so hard, it was a wonder it didn't burst into flames. Katara yawned again.

"It's exciting this time of day," she commented, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah. Super exciting," Zuko agreed, trying not to look at her. _Do you even know what you're doing to me_?

She was doing it on purpose, she must have been. There was no reason for her to emerge from her tent, with her _husky voice _and _messy hair_ and _silk robe_ other than to torture him. He found himself thinking about what he would do to her if she would let him; how he would seize her by the waist and feel the _heat_ of her body against his, feel her breasts pressing up on him, her hips rolling, her breath jagged...and Zuko would kiss her, he would kiss the _hell_ out of that girl if she let him. Maybe she would protest at first, but she would give in, she would gasp and sigh at his touch, she would arch her back and whisper his name in his ear.

"Zuko?"

_Yes, like that_.

No, she was actually speaking.

"What?" he snapped back.

"I asked you why you wake up so early every morning to make us all tea," Katara said, the corners of her lips twisted slightly in a confused smile.

_Katara likes bad boys_.

"Uh...it's, I only do it because I want to," Zuko said, "I don't care about...about what other people want. I do what _I _want."

This only caused Katara to give him one of those damned blank stares, paired with parted lips and a slight look of amusement.

"You're something else, Zuko," she sighed, stretching. _She's trying to kill me, I swear._

Trying to act somewhat collected and altogether not flustered, Zuko poured her a cup of tea and handed it to her. His eyes fell to the ground, and when he felt her fingertips brush his, he nearly dropped it.

"Thanks," she took a sip, and smiled at him. "It's really good."

That couldn't be true, but he accepted the compliment anyway. They both sat together for a long while, occasionally commenting on mundane things like the weather and the quality of the grass before Suki and Sokka crawled out of their tent.

"Mmmm what's cookin?" Sokka asked, making smacking noises with his mouth.

"Zuko made tea!" Katara said, smiling broadly and holding out two cups. Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. Making tea wasn't very bad ass, and everyone knew it. Uncle Iroh was a first class example- he was a Class A Bad Ass until he retired from the war and dedicated his time to brewing tea and eating roast duck, at which point he became what Azula called 'kooky.' Had he reached that point already? Was he kooky?

"That's sweet," Suki said, tousling Zuko's hair. Zuko recoiled from the touch like a moody cat.

Sokka gave Zuko a look that Zuko guessed meant 'I've got this for you bro' and sidled up between him and Katara, putting an arm around his sister.

"Y'know," he said, picking his teeth with his little finger. "Remember when Zuko was evil?"

Katara met this with a suspicious look.

"Why?"

"I'm just saying, remember when he had his own ship? A crew, in command of thousands..." Zuko muttered _twenty_, "...of men? That's _prett-y _impressive."

"I...I guess?"

"And don't even get me started on the ponytail."

"Sokka," Zuko interrupted loudly.

"What? All I'm saying is that you were a total badass."

"Yeah, _was_," Toph said. Everyone turned with a start, they hadn't even seen her come in. "But yesterday, I caught him petting Appa and making cute noises at him."

"Toph!"

"It was cute," she admitted. "But not very badass."

This wasn't going at all the way Zuko had wanted it to. Suddenly, Katara was _aaaawing_ and patting his arm and looking at him like one looks at a tiny kitten, not a viable romantic interest (or even a purely sexual one, for that matter, which Zuko was pretty sure he would be fine with).

Either way, Katara shrugged her slipping robe back up onto her shoulder, and tossed her hair back. Zuko bit back his frustration and chanced a quick glare at Sokka, who shrugged at him as if to say _hey, it's your fault for doing the petting and cute noise-making._

But Appa was just the sort of bison that demanded cute noises. That wasn't his fault, it was _Appa's _fault.

It was then that Zuko noticed that Katara's arm was still on his. He felt heat flush up to his face, and tried to act like he didn't notice so she would stay there. He memorized it, the feeling of her touch on his bare skin. Only once before had he felt it, back in Ba Sing Se, when she had reached up to tentatively place her hand on his scar.

Only a few others had ever dared. And all of them had been met by fury, indignation, but Katara...

Katara had always been different.

"Hey, you're all awake!" Aang's voice came from ten feet in the air, as it did every morning. He must have had his daily dose of crazy beans, because he was whipping around their breakfast circle on an air scooter. "What are you guys doing? What are we doing today? Are we doing something fun? I can't wait!"

The touch on Zuko's arm disappeared, but it was met with a little, secret look of mild exasperation. Was she sharing a glance with him? In that split second, Zuko forgot how to share a glance of exasperation, so he just met her glance with a little head shake and slightly wide eyes. Katara just gave him a little, confused smile, and turned to Aang.

"Well, we were going to work on your bending today," Katara told him, and Aang's air scooter deflated and he looked suitably subdued.

"That's it? Work?"

"Yeah, the comet comes in three weeks, or did you not read the newspaper today?" Toph said sarcastically, picking at her feet. "It also said you still suck at earthbending."

"Nice try Toph, we all know you can't read!" Sokka declared triumphantly, pointing at her. Toph just shook her head in an expression that substituted for eye rolling. Meanwhile, Katara was looking at Toph huffily, an action that was entirely ineffective.

"He doesn't _suck _at earthbending," she said defensively, "he just needs more practice is all."

"Aang doesn't need earthbending," Zuko put in, "and he doesn't need waterbending either. He's only been working on firebending for a week, and it's going to be the most essential element he has when he faces my father."

Katara raised an eyebrow at him.

"Excuse me?" she prompted. "How is firebending going to be more helpful than anything else? Did you forget that water puts fire _out_, or do you need me to remind you about that again?"

"No, it's _earthbending_," Toph insisted. "It'll be able to block the Fire Lord's attacks, if you use it like a shield."

"I think both of you are forgetting the most crucial detail," Zuko said stubbornly. "The comet isn't just going to affect my father, it's going to affect the bending of every fire bender in the world. _That includes the Avatar_. Aang's firebending is going to be the most powerful weapon he has."

"But...I don't like firebending," Aang said, shrugging. "I was just gonna jump around until he tired himself out. Fighting fire with fire is never a good idea."

"You don't think _hair_ is a good idea."

"Zuko, I have been with you through many of your hairstyles, and believe me, few of them were good ideas."

To his frustration, Katara sniggered.

"What?" he asked, bewildered.

"I'm with Zuko on this one, I have no idea what you're talking about, but it's boring me," Toph yawned. "When do I get to chuck rocks at Twinkletoes?"

"After I figure out what's so hilarious about my hair," Zuko insisted, looking directly at Katara.

"It's fine now," she said, demonstrating this opinion by rearranging some locks of his hair. "But you know, when we first met you, it was a bit...silly."

"That was a traditional Fire Nation hairstyle," he said hotly.

"Why was it...shaved on the sides?"

"Sokka's hair is shaved on the sides!"

"THIS is a warrior's wolf tail!" he said, gesturing wildly. "It's a traditional Southern Water Tribe hairstyle."

"That's almost literally what I just said."

Zuko didn't tell them _why_ he had shaved it on the sides. The truth was, it was because of the scar. Everything had been about the scar, it seemed, as soon as he'd gotten it. Shaving around the ponytail was a gesture, like he didn't _care_ about the scar. It was about displaying it like it hadn't hurt, like his pride wasn't wounded, like his father's abuse hadn't had any effect on him. If he was going to have a scar, he had to _have that scar_.

Now that his hair was long, and shaggy, it was just easier to hide it.

Katara gave him another look, and he nearly understood that one. It was filled with a little bit of concern, and he brushed it away with a shrug and a noncommittal look.

But bile was rising in his throat like it always did when the scar was pushed back to the front of his memory. Rather than subject his new, tentative friends for the emotion explosion that was due to come any second, he excused himself gruffly and walked away.

_He hated it._ It was on his face all the time, it would be there forever, and _every single day_ he had to feel it there on his face, so heavy, so..._so ugly_.

If people didn't look at him with that poorly hidden horror on his face, or whisper _that poor boy_, maybe it would be bearable. If it had happened in a training accident like he told everyone it had, maybe he'd be able to stand it.

But there were still some nights he woke up sweating, the image of his father's fury burning and melting his face away.

Predictably, Katara shifted up to him, her steps quick and fluid.

"I'm sorry we made of your hair," she said. "I didn't mean to make you stomp off again. I didn't really think your hair was stupid. I thought it was kind of cool."

"Thanks," he said flatly, annoyed that she still seemed to think this was about his hair.

"Zuko..." Katara's voice trailed off, and she crossed her arms. "I know you're not used to talking through your emotions, but if you want to talk to someone...I'm here."

He looked at her in surprise. She cocked her head, and squinted at him a little.

"Are you..." she gestured to her eye, and when Zuko touched his, it felt a little wet. _Shit. _Embarrassed, he wiped any rogue tears away and turned around again. _Badasses don't cry_.

"I'm fine," he said, forcing the words out. "I just need to go...meditate."

"Fine, but I'm going to start charging you for each time you storm away dramatically."

Zuko had to give her an amused smile for that, and she just gave him a tired look as she sauntered away. Her robe was slipping again, and Zuko marveled at her tanned shoulder before she shrugged it back on. He took one last, long look at her ass before he turned back around and sat down on the ground, crossing his legs.

He exhaled.

He pictured his father. Inhale. He remembered the way everything used to be; Azula laughing in a _normal_ way, his father encouraging him, and his mother..._his mother_.

He exhaled.

If she'd still been there, she could have stopped him.

His father.

Inhale.

Could he even call him that?

He was thirteen, he was a child. And when his father approached him, fire in his fist, he had bent down, he had sobbed and cried and pleaded, but he'd done it anyway. _His father._

Exhale. Exhale. Exhale.

He had accepted it too, that was the worst part. His father had burned his face away, and he accepted it because he was convinced he deserved it.

Azula laughed.

At that point, there was barely a difference between inhales and exhales, there was just heaving and choking, and Zuko was bent over, clutching his face like he was all those years ago, defeated, dishonored in front of the entire Fire Nation.

And then he felt arms around him.

Katara's touch was gentle, and the affection pouring from her embrace was nearly overwhelming. It flipped a switch in him, a trigger, and he started outright sobbing into her lap. The only words he could spit out were _I'm sorry _and _he was my father_, and even if Katara didn't understand, she kept stroking his hair and making soothing noises, bent down so close he could feel her breath on his neck.

"Zuko, Zuko, Zuko," she kept saying quietly, cradling him. She could obviously sense there was something horrible and traumatizing happening inside of him, so all she said was things like _you're going to be okay_ and _I'm here for you_.

Eventually, he forced himself to calm down and sit up. Sniffing pathetically, he rubbed at his eyes. He felt so _stupid. Stupid and idiotic and pathetic_.

"I'm...I'm sorry," he muttered, trying to compose himself. "I guess I just hit a nerve."

"Don't be sorry," Katara soothed, rubbing circles into his back. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. Accepting your feelings..."

"I don't want to accept them," he said, spitting as he talked. "I just want them to go away."

"Zuko," Katara said softly, "I have no idea what you're going through, but...it seems really..." she broke off, unsure of what to say. "We all care about you, Zuko. We'll all do whatever it takes to help you."

"I don't need help."

But as he said it, he pressed his head into her shoulder and reached for her hand. She squeezed it.

"Maybe you don't. But maybe I'm going to insist on helping anyway." she smiled a little, and Zuko looked up at her. Her eyes were wide and full of compassion, and Zuko was met with the sudden urge to tell her how beautiful he thought she was, he wanted to reach for her and tuck one of those ridiculous hair loopies behind her ear and kiss her; would she protest? She seemed to _care _about him.

"Thank you," he mumbled. The ground was starting to feel uncomfortable, and he was feeling a major need to vent out his emotions. There was no way that was going to happen with words, so instead he asked Katara if she wanted to spar a little bit, and she said of _course_ she did, she'd learned a lot since they last fought and she wanted him to know how much better than him she was. This elicited a small smile from Zuko, and as they stood up and readied their stances, he already felt a little better.

Firebending was like a guilty pleasure for him, it was a release, an expression of his fury that didn't need to be eloquent or spoken. He had mixed feelings about his bending, and he always had, but sometimes it just _felt good to burn things_.

When he fought with Katara, however, every blast was directed at trees several feet away from her. He couldn't chance burning her, or, spirits forbid, _scarring her. _Either way, this seemed to irk Katara.

"I can take it!" she challenged, slinging a tendril of water at him that nearly knocked him onto his back. She'd changed into her clothes, and that slit up the side of her dress was driving Zuko crazy. There was a part of him, and he was a little ashamed at how prominent that part was, that wanted to growl at her and call her a _filthy peasant_ and pin her to the ground.

Water splashed him in the face and he spluttered.

"Your head isn't in this," she taunted, and Zuko huffed. Frustration of a million different sorts built up all at once, and he screamed as he shot all of his anger into a towering tree. Katara stepped back a few paces, her frightened expression exaggerated by the harsh light of the fire.

_All it does is scare people_. Zuko breathed in and out, trying to keep himself calm, trying to keep the fire from spreading. _All fire does is scare people._

Katara only watched him. Maybe she thought he needed to deal with this on his own, or maybe she was just afraid, but she just stood there and watched as Zuko calmed down, and as a result, as did the flames.

When they'd vanished, Zuko felt shame creeping back into his face. He looked at her, and that wild look must not have left his eyes, because Katara's lips tightened in either disappointment or sympathy. It was hard to tell the difference.

"You're so angry," Katara said, a little softly, a little sadly. "You've done bad things, and bad things have happened to you. But I think once you realize, _really_ realize that you're not a bad person and that you didn't deserve those things- you won't need anger anymore."

And she walked away. Zuko nearly called after her, because she only just started making sense. But he let her leave, and sat back down on the ground in defeat.

* * *

Another author's note: Thanks for reading! Zuko is one big ball of complicated and confusing emotions. In the next chapter, more people will get themselves involved, much to Zuko's ever growing annoyance.  
(here be shameless self promotion) I have a tumblr for this sort of fanfictiony thing, and I'm writing one oneshot every day for ZUTARA WEEK. Those oneshots may or may not end up on here, but if they don't, my url is fire-lordzuzu dot tumblr dot com (here ends the shameless self promotion.)

You guys rock my socks.


	3. I've Got Hotpants For You

A/N: Hello again you beautiful people! A lot of people have said some really lovely things about this story, and if I could bake you all your favorite pie and deliver it to you personally I would, but I suck at making pies so I don't think that's logistically possible. I'm glad that people are responding well to Zuko's angriness/angstyness/stompyness because that's, to me, what makes Zuko so Zuko. He's a very angry/angsty/stompy person. A bit of a warning- _Zuko is a teenage boy _so in this chapter he gets a little more hormonal about things. That being said, there is a _leetle teeny tiny bit_ of sexual content in this chapter as Zuko deals with his hormones in a tasteful and timely fashion.

So now that I've set THAT up brilliantly, here be chapter three!

* * *

"Again." Zuko crossed his arms and frowned. Aang's form was all wrong. He kept firebending like an airbender. "Be _direct_."

Aang inhaled deeply and performed the kick again, a burst of fire dissipating right in front of Zuko's face. He didn't flinch.

"I'm sorry, it's just hard," Aang said, scratching his head. "I'm not used to this kind of force. I had the same problem with earthbending."

"This isn't earthbending. Earthbending is brutal, rough. Firebending is elegant and fierce. Let the energy flow through your body. Think of it like waterbending, but instead of a few splashes, it's an _explosion_ of energy. Don't be scared of it."

Aang inhaled deeply again, and repeated the kick four times in a row, each resulting in a stronger thrash of fire.

"Better." Zuko allowed.

"Better? I thought that was great!" Aang insisted. Suddenly, his head turned and he did a quick double take. "Zuko quick, teach me something impressive, Katara's watching."

"Katara?" Zuko's head snapped around, and sure enough, there she was, sitting on the stone steps, waving. He waved back a little, and turned back to Aang. "Uh...okay, fine. Just watch me, and do what I do."

Zuko stepped back and readied his stance, trying to calm his a grunt, he dropped to his hands and swung both of his legs around, fire spinning in circles. In an extraordinary feat of athleticism, Zuko backflipped from one hand and a corkscrew of fire followed his legs as he spun through the air.

He landed like a cat, one arm stretched behind him, his nose nearly on the ground.

"That was _awesome!"_ Aang enthused, clapping. "Okay okay, let me try it."

Zuko chanced a glance at Katara, who didn't look any more impressed than she did five minutes ago.

"How was that?" Aang asked, but Zuko hadn't been watching.

"Great, great," he said noncommittally, noticing that Katara was clapping.

"Aang, that was amazing!" Katara called. "You're coming along so quickly!"

Zuko grumbled.

"Thanks!" Aang smiled. "Can I go practice waterbending? We've been firebending for ages."

"Fine, whatever," Zuko said, wiping sweat off his forehead with a towel. Aang and Katara skittered off to the waterfront, leaving Zuko to grumble on his own.

"Are you an idiot?" Sokka's feet appeared, and when Zuko looked up, the rest of Sokka was there too. "Follow them!"

"Why would I follow them?"

"Because you _like_ her?" Sokka shook his head. "Katara's not going to magically start to like you back if all you do is sit here and mope. I promised to help you with this, but if you _refuse_ to take my suggestions..."

"I'm not refusing your suggestions, I'm saying they're stupid."

"Zuko Zuko Zuko," Sokka tsked and shook his head. "I've dealt with Katara for many a year, and I think I know her a little more than you do. You just have to trust me!"

"Can I ask you a favor?" Zuko asked, and Sokka nodded eagerly. "_Can you stay out of this please."_

Sokka looked like he thought this over for a while, but then he shook his head swiftly. "I'm going to decline that favor, because you desperately need my help," he said, to Zuko's great and infinite annoyance.

"Why are you so eager to set me up with your sister?" Zuko put in crossly, hoping that Sokka would just butt out and stick his nose in someone else's business. But there was never such luck with Sokka.

"You know, that is a good question," He said ponderously. "But I'll give you two options. You can either follow them, watch them splash around for a bit, pull Katara aside _and tell her you like her_, or suffer the weight of this infatuation for your whole life, marry that emo girlfriend of yours and be grumpy and insufferable about it for the rest of your life."

Zuko considered these options for a moment. While the second option certainly sounded safer, it also sounded far worse.

"Fine, I'll go watch them waterbend," he relented, pulling on his shirt and tying the belt. "As long as seeing Katara in her underwear, wet..."

"UCK, SHUT UP," Sokka gave him a shove and made a face. "Just go before I decide I want to kill you."

Zuko took that as his cue to go, and walked quickly away, leaving Sokka to stalk in circles, muttering. "Talk like _that_ about my sister, I'll show you..."

Zuko nearly regretted going down to the beach as soon as he got there. Katara was, as anticipated, soaking wet, her hair clinging to her skin. It wasn't the only thing clinging to her skin, he noticed with a gulp, watching her lithe body twist as she bent. Her breasts strained at her wrappings, and Zuko felt his face flush.

"You're doing so great," Katara encouraged, spinning her arms around and creating a whirlpool. "Just like that."

Zuko cleared his throat, and both Aang and Katara looked up at him.

"Hey Zuko!" Aang waved. "Come to watch?"

"Yeah," he scratched his head, and tried to ignore the tightening feeling in his pants. "My, uh, my uncle learned a lot from watching waterbenders. He told me I should do the same, if I could."

The story was lame, but both Aang and Katara accepted it.

"You know, I've learned a few things from your firebending practices," Katara said, and spun her legs around in a motion that mimicked the move Zuko had done earlier. The result was a massive wave that nearly knocked Aang off his feet. She panted from the effort, and shook water out of her hair.

"That was...impressive," Zuko swallowed. Katara and Aang laughed. Were they laughing at him? Or were they just...happy?

"Katara's the best waterbender I've ever met," Aang gushed. Katara giggled. Zuko resisted the urge to vomit.

Aang liked Katara too, that was as clear to him as day. It annoyed him more than it probably should have, but as he told himself every five seconds, there was no way Katara liked him _back_. He was short, bald, _twelve_, and still thought jerking off was something Sokka did when he couldn't get pee to come out.

_Did_ Katara like Aang?

No, she _couldn't_.

Zuko watched her suspiciously, sitting down on the sand. There was a familiarity between Katara and Aang, and they both acted as if they'd known each other their entire lives. They giggled and laughed, and Katara would rub his head and Aang would blush and tell her she was pretty. Katara always smiled at these compliments, and once, _spirits, _she _kissed him on the cheek_.

Was this _always_ what waterbending practice was like?

Toph plopped down next to him.

"I know I'd find you here, Hotpants," she said.

"W..._Hotpants?"_

"I'm trying out some nicknames for you. So far, I've got Hotpants, Sparky, Angry, and Mr. Grouch."

"Just _Zuko _is fine."

"Katara is a complicated lady," Toph said, ignoring him, leaning back on her elbows and crossing her feet. "And she's not going to magically pick up on your nonexistent 'signals.' If you like her so much, you'll just have to tell her."

"What? I don't like..."

"Don't even try that with me, I _know _you do."

Zuko gave her his best glare, but this wasn't so effective on Toph. He sighed. "You talked to Sokka, didn't you?"

"Didn't want to, didn't need to. Now listen- I don't know what it is about her bossy, superior attitude or her frizzy personality that you like so much, but I do know that when ever she walks within ten feet of you, you go _crazy_."

"I don't really want to talk about this, Toph," Zuko said dismissively.

"Maybe, but I don't really care about that. You have to listen to me on this one; do you see what's happening down there? Katara and Aang are having fun together. Aang's got it bad for Katara. I assume you're familiar with the feeling."

"We're not talking about this."

"So if you don't swoop in soon, she's going to fall for _him_."

Zuko looked at the two of them. He imagined her with Aang, kissing _him_, holding his _hand_...

Maybe if he made a big show about how emotionally damaged he was again, she'd pay more attention to him.

Somehow, that seemed wrong.

"You have to create a moment," Toph said, gesturing with her hands. "Something romantic, so she knows you're the real deal. All you need to do is keep your crazy in for twenty four hours, and I'll set the whole thing up for you."

"Set it up, romantic..._crazy_?"

"No more stomping away dramatically, no more yelling, no more mental breakdowns in forests..."

"_Toph,"_

"And no more _excusing_ yourself from the campfire to _do stuff _in your tent! You think I can't tell what's happening, but I can." Toph shuddered. "For your sake, I just want a girl in there with you."

"_Toph!"_

"What? It's for your own good."

Zuko grumbled and crossed his arms. He looked back up to Katara, who was engaged in a deep stretch that gave Zuko an all too generous view of her chest. Water dripped from her breasts, the outline clearly visible through her soaked underwappings. Zuko felt the tightness in his pants return, and stood up.

"What are you doing?" Toph demanded.

"Going to my _tent_," Zuko said, emphasizing the last word. Toph huffed.

"Ugh, gross!" she spat, plugging her ears with her fingers.

Zuko had no response for this, so he just stalked off a little awkwardly and slipped into his tent. He forgot completely about Aang and Toph and all of their interfering meddling, and only thought of Katara.

_Spirits, she was beautiful_.

Zuko reached into his pants and thought of her skin, glistening, wet, and dealt with this _stupid _attraction the only way he knew how.

Grunting, Zuko didn't bother trying to make it last, and let the release shudder over his body before he could feel guilty about it.

* * *

Toph's 'set up' turned out to be not nearly as ingenious as she had insisted. She was going to distract Aang with earthbending practice, and Sokka and Suki had been diverted on a mission to go buy groceries that every one knew would never come to fruition (Sokka and Suki were very enthusiastic about each other, they would go in to town and just waste time together for hours without getting anything done), which left Zuko and Katara alone at the campsite.

Katara was eyeing him shiftily, and he wondered if anyone had led her on to the fact that he liked her. Too many people knew; how was he supposed to ignore it and let it go away if people were getting all _involved_ in it?

_Just tell her_, Sokka and Toph had continued to tell him all day, but the more he considered this option, the stupider it seemed to him. _Tell her_?

_Then she would know he liked her, and that was the opposite of what he wanted_.

Either way, she was still eyeing him suspiciously.

"Zuko...can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah, if you want," Zuko said, chancing a quick glance at her to judge her mood. Was this going to be about him? Did Sokka spill it? Or worse, Toph? He imagined what the news would sound like coming from Toph. _Hey, Sugarqueen, Zuko has the HOTS for you, so stop clowning around with that bald monkey and see what's in front of your eyes!_

That wouldn't be the best possible course of action.

"It's about Aang."

Zuko's blood went cold. Being Zuko as he was, he immediately flew to all the worst possible follow up statements Katara could make- '_Aang likes me and I like him what do I do' 'Aang and I are dating can you give him the sex talk please' 'Aang and I are getting married what do you think of these centerpieces?'_

He feigned composure and turned towards her.

"What about him?" he asked, keeping his voice even, emphasizing the raspy qualities of it. Sokka said that his naturally raspy voice was an exemplary contributor to his status as a 'bad boy,' so he should play it up as much as possible. As stupid as Sokka's advice was, it was all he had for the moment, and it didn't seem to be working in any negative sort of way, so he just went with it.

"It's just..." Katara sighed. "Aang's a nice kid, right?"

"If you like that kind of thing," Zuko remained aloof. Katara gave him a weird look and gave her head a quick shake.

"I do like that kind of thing," she said, crossing her arms. "He's nice, he's sweet, he's funny..."

Zuko growled internally, because he knew deep in his heart of hearts that he was none of those things. _Maybe that's just what she needs. Someone funny and sweet._ He looked at her, his lips tight.

"Katara," he said plainly, "Aang likes you, if thats what you want to know. And if short, bald, childish monks are your _deal_, then whatever."

Katara looked a little taken aback, but continued anyway.

"I was just _wondering_ if you had any...advice."

Zuko gaped at her.

"_Advice_?" she wanted _advice_ from him? About her stupid burgeoning relationship with _Aang_?The ridiculous unfairness of it was astounding, but Zuko soldiered on. "I'm not good at advice."

"Yeah, that's what Sokka said," Katara tugged at her hair. "It's just...I know Aang likes me. You...you have a girlfriend, right?"

_Well, shit_.

"Sort...of?" Zuko scratched the back of his neck. "It's pretty complicated."

The absolute _last _thing he wanted to be doing was talking about Mai with Katara, because to be entirely honest, he wasn't sure what the deal with Mai _was_. In circumstances entirely beyond his control, he had accidentally left her in the worst Fire Nation prison in the world _after_ she'd saved the life of him, Sokka, Sokka's dad, Suki, and some thug with an enthusiasm for grammar.

"How complicated?"

"Are you trying to talk about your feelings to me, or cajole my feelings out to _you_?" Zuko raised an eyebrow.

"I just want to know what's bothering you," Katara said quickly, leaning forward in a rush to take his hands. Zuko pushed back the annoyance and allowed himself to feel a little grateful for her concern.

But really, it was a little annoying.

"It's not Mai."

"Really?" Katara chirped, pushing the topic. "I could see how she's bothersome. She's tried to kill me five times."

_What was she doing_? Now it was Zuko's turn to eye her suspiciously. "So you don't like her?"

"Well, I don't usually like people who try to kill me," Katara shrugged, but gave him a look that seemed full of _significance of some sort_. "Does she even have emotions?"

Zuko, utterly confused about why Katara had gone from asking advice about Aang to _dissing on his sort of girlfriend, _just opened and closed his mouth slowly until he thought of something to say.

"She's not so bad," he said, watching her expression carefully. "Her hair is...nice. And she might have a cold exterior, but I can tell you first hand, her insides are warm...ish_._"

"Oh gross, is that a sex thing?"

"What? No!"

"Okay, okay," Katara said, flustered, "it's just the way you said it."

Zuko had no words, so he just shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose in the vain attempt to relieve some of the tension in his brain.

"Look, I have no idea what's going on with you and Aang, but if you want my honest opinion, then here it is. Aang is twelve, he's not ready for whatever he thinks he's ready for. He thinks he's in love with you, but to him, all that means is he wants to hold your hand for ten minutes at a time once a day and play stupid marble games together."

"You really think so?"

"Katara, look at the kid. I caught him eating his boogers yesterday." This, strictly, was not true, but it helped his case, so he went on. "Kids like that don't reach their sexual maturity until twenty six, twenty seven at the least."

"There's no need to bring _that_ into this," Katara looked scandalized. "Maybe I _want_ to hold his hand and play marble games."

Zuko lowered his head and looked up at her, hoping his expression read _is that really what you want_? His hair hung over his eyes, which Sokka said was a very desirable quality in men. He had that over Aang, because while Aang had no hair, Zuko had the thickest hair he'd ever seen on a human being.

It seemed to have some effect on Katara, because she held him in her gaze for a little longer than normal.

"Then tell him," Zuko said quietly. "If that's what you want...you'll feel better just telling him." he paused, his fingers twisting. "Trust me."

"Zuko..." Katara said carefully, like she was testing his name in her mouth.

"What?"

"Nothing," she said, her voice a low mutter.

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, pushing his stupid thick hair out of his eyes. _If this doesn't make her want me, then what is the point of all this stuff_.

Katara stood up after looking at him for a while, and started collecting pots. "Do you want to help me with dinner?"

"Yeah, whatever," he shrugged. Katara brushed off his indifference and gave him a large spoon.

"First we have to go catch it." Katara tugged at his arm. "Come on."

Zuko followed her to the water, spoon in hand. Reaching the water's edge, she started waving her arms around her head. Zuko realized she was bending for fish, and just stood next to her, wondering what he was supposed to be contributing. _And what is the spoon for?_

"Oh, I think I've got one," Katara said, pulling at the tide, urging it to follow her hands. A huge, gasping fish was caught in an orb of water, and flopped wildly around as she tried to control it.

Zuko caught a splash of water to his bad eye, and he spluttered.

"Watch it," he said, dropping the spoon.

"Hold on," Katara stuck a tongue between her teeth and furrowed her eyebrows. "I've almost got it. Almost...oh, I'm so close to getting it!"

Her words ripped themselves right out of context in Zuko's ears, and suddenly all he could see was Katara tangled in his limbs, gasping those same words. Exhaling heavily, Zuko forced himself to stop _thinking about stuff like that_. Did she know what she was saying, or did she just _love to torture him_?

"Okay, get ready," Katara exclaimed, pulling the fish completely out of the water.

"Ready for _what_?"

"As soon as I get it on the ground, you're going to need to blast it with fire," she said, but before he could even get into any sort of stance, the fish hit him in the face.

"_The fuck_?" he spluttered, spitting fish water out of his mouth. Katara gasped.

"_Zuko I'm so sorry!"_ she rushed forward and started to bend water out of his clothes. "I just lost control of it, I didn't mean for it to get all over you..."

"It's fine, don't...don't worry about it," Zuko's voice became quietly slower as Katara started to smooth out the wrinkles in the front of his tunic. She slowed, but continued, keeping her hands pressed to his chest. "_Katara_."

She looked up at him, startled, like he'd caught her doing some terrible deed. Zuko's breath caught in his throat. _Tell her. Just tell her. Spirits, look at her, she's got her hands on your chest, just..._

Katara turned away, and Zuko nearly burst in frustration.

The frustration quickly turned into a wry amusement as Katara tripped and fell into the water.

Katara surfaced after only one and half seconds of submergence, and gasped, spitting water out of her mouth. She looked at Zuko, and he looked at her, and she just started laughing. Zuko chanced a laugh too, the sound creeping out of him before he could stop it. Katara lashed a tendril at him, and before he knew it he was in the water too.

"_Zuko_," Katara shrieked happily when the crash of his body into the sea sent a splash of water into her face. She splashed him back, but she was _cheating with waterbending_. Zuko pretended to sulk about it as he spat water out of his mouth, but really...it was a relief. It was _fun_.

It was a disease, the laughing. Zuko didn't _laugh_, badasses didn't _laugh_. Yet here we was, sopping wet, being splashed by a waterbender who was getting far too pleased with herself.

"You know you can't win against me," she taunted, most likely noticing that Zuko was spending far more time spitting water out of his mouth and spluttering than trying to get her back.

"Yeah, probably," Zuko admitted, taking another splash to the face. He chanced a devious smile. Sokka said girls liked those. "But this is _me_ we're talking about_._"

He decided that if there was an appropriate time to tackle a wet girl, this was one of them, and he wasn't about to let that pass. So he leapt forward and did just that, trying to make the moment go in slow motion as his body pressed against hers, both crashing into the water, her breasts pushed up against his chest.

And Katara let out a cry of joy.

Both surfacing, Katara continued to laugh, and smiled at Zuko. She did that for a while, just smiled at him. Her hands were placed delicately on his shoulders, and his on her waist. Bobbing in the water, Katara was weightless, _gorgeous_. Zuko swallowed, wondering if he should just _tell her_.

But when his lips remained clamped shut and his eyes kept blinking too fast, Katara gave him a small yet noticeably disappointed smile, and broke away from his touch.

"Okay, you got me," she said admitted as she stood up and walked to the shore, her dress clinging to her in all the best ways. Zuko restrained the low growl that was rising in the bottom of his throat at the sight of her ass, and followed her. "But we really do need to catch a fish. No more goofing around."

"Yeah," Zuko trudged up to the shore, still feeling stupid, his clothes heavy with water. Katara dried herself with waterbending, but then turned back to fishing. Zuko held his arms out, as if to say _hey I'm still dripping wet over here_ but Katara just shook her head.

"As I recall, it's _your_ fault I tripped," she said, smirking. "So you can dry _yourself _off."

Zuko sighed, and shook his head at her. He didn't see _how _he could be held responsible for her own clumsiness, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he closed his eyes, brought his palms together, and exhaled. All the water clinging to his clothes turned into vapor and hissed away. He couldn't help but notice that Katara looked slightly disappointed.

"Firebending." Zuko explained, as if to say _remember that thing I do_, _well you forgot I can do it_.

Katara sighed, and jerked her shoulders upwards as if to say _oh well. _"Yeah, I figured."

Katara turned back to the water and brought another fish into the air. She landed it in the ground, and Zuko gave it a quick fire jab to kill it. Picking it up from the ground, and retrieving his spoon, Zuko followed Katara back to the campsite, where he started a fire and stuck the fish on a spit.

While it cooked, Katara busied herself with collecting more laundry. She complained about this regularly, but Sokka insisted that she _liked_ doing it, or else she wouldn't.

Every time Sokka said this, it was immediately proceeded with several hours of Katara chasing him around the campsite, brandishing some large object at him.

"Do you need me to wash anything?" Katara held a basket under his nose, and he choked on the smell of Toph's shirt.

"No," he said, "I don't exactly...have..."

Katara cocked her head at him, and then her mouth burst open in a huge smile.

"_Are these the only clothes you have?"_

Zuko raised an eyebrow at her. "You don't need to sound so excited about it."

"Me?" Katara snorted and put the basket down. "Don't tell _Sokka_ you only have one pair of clothes, or else you'll be naked in a tree trying to find your pants. It's his _favorite joke of all time._"

That didn't sound like a fun situation, so Zuko made a mental note to acquire more pants as soon as possible.

"I think it's done," Zuko said, referring to the fish in a desperate attempt to change the topic of conversation.

It was weird no one was back yet, and it almost seemed like they weren't _going_ to come back. Zuko figured this was due entirely in part to Toph, who had orchestrated the whole ordeal.

"Where is everyone?" Katara looked around their little campsite, but there was no sign of Sokka or Suki, and there was no sound of crashing boulders coming from Toph or Aang anymore. Zuko shrugged.

"I guess...I guess it's just us," he said slowly, watching her. She shrugged.

"Okay." She tried to take the fish from the fire, but it was too hot, and she gasped, yanking her hand away. "Oh, _ow_."

"Katara," Zuko jumped forward and took her hands. "Are you okay? Did it burn you?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she grimaced, holding the tips of her fingers gingerly. "Get me some water."

"Water, right," Zuko said, scrambling for one of her water pouches. "Here."

He unscrewed the cap for her, and Katara bent the water over her fingertips, sighing in relief.

"Thanks," she said, handing the bottle back to him. She looked at the fish uncertainly. "Maybe you should..."

"Yeah," he stood up and picked the fish out of the fire. He cut it and slid one portion on a plate for Katara, and one for him. She thanked him, and they both sat down cross legged, eating quietly and occasionally stealing glances.

She _couldn't_ like Aang. It had to be him, there was no other way. She giggled at the things he said that weren't funny, she leaned into him when she knew he was being serious, and she looked at him like there was something worth looking for.

_Just tell her._

But as much as he wanted to, he just couldn't.

"What?" Katara looked at him, thinking he wanted something. But she had no idea what he wanted, not really, she would never be able to guess just how much he liked her, how much he _needed _her. The truth was, there was no one who made him feel quite like Katara made him feel. Normally, he walked around feeling constantly all ripped up inside, like there were good parts and bad parts and he couldn't ever quite get them to line up properly inside him. But when Katara was there, when she was just smiling at him or touching his hair, it seemed to make more...sense. The good things all lined up in the right places, and the bad things melted back, like they were terrified of her and she just made them _go away._

Zuko could have told her that, he could have told her all of that right then, but his tongue felt thick and clumsy in his mouth, so he just looked back at her.

"What?"

The word slipped out of his mouth pathetically. A last resort for hopeless losers.

"It just...seemed like you wanted something," Katara said, but when Zuko shook his head quickly, she gave him a small, encouraging smile. _Why is she looking at me like that?_

"Nothing," he said quietly. Katara inched forward.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" she asked softly. Zuko inhaled. _Maybe she's just waiting for me to say it._ It seemed reasonable. It should have been reasonable. And there was no reason he couldn't tell her, there was nothing standing between him and Katara, nothing but his own stupid reservations.

He inhaled sharply. "I guess...yeah. I've just been..."

"MEAT!"

Sokka exploded from the trees and pounced on the remnants of the fish. Zuko slapped a hand to his forehead and resisted cursing the skies.

Katara only gave him a small smile, the loss of a moment hanging in her eyes. As Sokka chomped down on the fish, Zuko fought back the pangs of longing that beat painfully in his chest, the chest that had felt both the touch of Katara's hands and her breasts within the span of fifteen minutes.

_I'll tell you someday_.

As Zuko lay in his tent that night, all he could think was that he would give _anything_ to have Katara curled up next to him, her soft breathing tickling his ear. If he woke up, startled by dreams of fire and scars, Katara would be there to whisper words of comfort. And he would settle back into her arms, just listening to how her heart beat, _content_.

He fell asleep with that image in his head, and that night, there were no fires in his dreams.

* * *

A/N: Silly Sokka, always ruining the Zutara for everyone.

For some reason, I feel like I need to keep justifying why I write Zuko the way I do, which is weird because it's really not that out of whack; the show just can't delve as deeply into his head because it's a kids show and all that, but there are a lot of tricky subjects about him that I keep finding myself bringing up. There's 1. the child abuse 2. general angstyness about everything and 3. the fact that he's a teenage boy and hormonal things do happen. BUT ANYWAY I just feel, like I said, that I need to justify the constant bringing up of said abuse and his sexually charged thoughts about Katara, even though this story is rated M and I know that you're a sophisticated, mature bunch that can handle these kinds of shenanigans. So that being said, I fixate on the anger and _torment_ (shall we say) in Zuko's brain because I really feel in my heart of hearts that Katara can help some of that go away, because Katara is a healer and Zuko needs someone like that. He's a stubborn boy, and he's not really the kind of person to admit that they need or want help, but his affection for Katara has grown so much that he's really started to realize that he needs her. Really, above all things, I wanted an honest and frank view on Zuko, and yes, Zuko will go from stomping around angrily to jacking off in his tent two seconds later (flagrant apologizes about using the term jacking off aldkfjlsdj). (there are also more things of that nature in the next chapter just to be warned, but it's all in an awkward and funny sort of way so it's really not so bad I promise)  
tl;dr Sorry about Zuko's hormones he can't help them and really neither can I.

Whew, I have a lot of thoughts on that whole matter.

ANYWAY thank you all for reading! For all of who you said that awkward Zuko is your favorite, _yes he is mine too_. He's such a huge dork and he doesn't even know (but that's exactly what Katara likes about him shhhh don't tell him I said that). In the next chapter, there are many talks about feelings, Zuko complains about having talks about feelings, takes an angry nap, and has awkward encounters with everyone (as is his nature).

You guys are the best, I'll get straight to work on those pies!


	4. Of Rage and Bathroom Problems

A/N: A fourth chapter! Fun fun fun. All the reviews for this story have been absolutley lovely, and I'm super glad that you (being the reader) are enjoying the story! I always get a little hesitant when throwing my opinions and characterizations out into the wild, so to see people excited about what I have to say is just really really awesomesauce. Every little thing about it just makes me sit here and clap like an idiot, so thank you :)

In this chapter, there are TALKS ABOUT FEELINGS and MOMENTS OF EXTREME ANGER and HORMONAL EXPERIENCES.

* * *

The next morning, Zuko made the tea like he always did, except no one joined him. He used the extra time to attempt meditation, and steadied his breathing.

_Good things, think of good things_.

Zuko inhaled, and thought of his mother, how she was alive. He pictured the day he would find her; she'd take him in his arms and she'd _be there_, she'd tell him she loved him and ruffle his hair.

But Ozai would always be there, a shadow. Just one look at her son's face, that's all it would take. Maybe she would shrink away, maybe she would cry, maybe she would push him away, refusing to let the living proof reminder of her husband's cruelty into her life.

_No_.

Zuko gritted his teeth and told himself _no. _It wouldn't be like that. He was her _son_. Maybe that didn't matter for Ozai, but it did for her.

He almost choked on the realization that he felt...at peace, right then, in that moment. _I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have one family member who loves me._

A strange feeling overcame him, a lightness, almost like he had one less weight on his shoulders. _Relief. _Feeling strangely happy, Zuko decided that was enough meditation for now, and uncrossed his legs.

"You seem...different," Katara yawned, emerging from her tent. "Sleep well?"

Zuko watched her approach, her presence contributing significantly to the light feeling swelling inside of him. "Have you ever told yourself your whole life...that you deserved the things that happened to you?"

"Uh, I...I guess," she said, sensing the serious tone in his voice and adjusting to fit. She sat next to him, and when he didn't say anything, wrung her hands and looked at the ground. "I used to blame myself for my mother's death. I'd tell myself that if I was faster, if I was stronger, I would have been able to do something. But I was just scared."

"Do you still blame yourself?" he asked quietly. Katara shook her head.

"No. No one was to blame except _him_. It wasn't me, it wasn't Sokka, it wasn't our dad. We all would have done anything we could to save her, but..." She trailed off, and exhaled, slumping her shoulders. Zuko realized he'd touched upon a very sensitive subject.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I didn't mean to bring it up. It's just that I've been thinking about things I've blamed myself for."

"Yeah?" Katara looked at him with a gentle interest, and her hand rested on his knee. "Do you want to talk to me about it?"

Zuko paused. "Yes." Katara smiled, and gave his knee a squeeze. He took a deep breath, but the right words never came. He raked a hand through his hair, and sighed. "I don't know. Obviously, you know about my face. It's not an easy growing up that way, marked like a symbol of dishonor and shame. Every morning I would wake up and touch it, hoping I had dreamed the whole thing."

Katara bit her lip, and looked at him with hesitation. "Can...I ask you how it happened?" she asked carefully, understanding what a sensitive subject it was. Talking about his scar was like walking in a minefield.

And for some reason, Zuko nodded and told her, his voice quiet. "I spoke out of turn. To my father, that was a terrible display of disrespect, and I had to pay for it."

"That's...that's terrible." her voice dropped, and she leaned closer to Zuko, clutching his hands. "I had no idea."

"The terrible part is that he made me feel like I deserved it. And part of me still feels that way."

"Zuko..."

"But I realized something today. I realized that the shadows of the past don't need to make marks on the future. My mother is still alive, and for years I've pictured the day I found her again. Every single time, in my mind, she turned me away because it would remind her of how horrible my father was. But that doesn't have to be true, does it?"

"No, Zuko, of course not!" she wrung his hands.

"I _know_," he said, "it only that I lived for so long thinking that my scar disgusted people, so I let it disgust myself. But my mother won't see me that way."

"I don't see you that way either," Katara said softly, running a thumb over his palm. "I don't think your scar is disgusting, I _don't_. And I don't want you to feel like you have to take responsibility for what happened to you."

His lips pulled into a small smile. "Thank you."

Katara smiled, and gave him a tight hug.

"You're so strong," she whispered, clutching his head in her hands. "I can't think of anyone else who's gone through as much as you have, but you're still here, and I'm _so glad you are_."

"Katara," Zuko let her name hiss from his lips, his nose pressed into her hair. It smelled so clean, like soap and strawberries. _Katara_. He felt himself overwhelmed by her, everything about her, and the way her face was nudged into his shoulder...he swallowed, running a hand slowly down her back, his fingers tangling in her hair. "Can I tell you...something else?"

"Of course," she said, her voice muffled.

"Do you...do you feel like there's been something..."

"Are we hugging?" Aang exploded out of _literally nowhere_ and thrust himself onto Zuko and Katara enthusiastically, his arms enveloping both of them. "I love hugs!"

"_GODDAMNIT AANG."_

"What?"

"Aang," Katara said, a little more delicately than Zuko, edging out of the hug. "We were kind of the middle of..." the words _a moment _hung off her lips in the air, and Zuko caught her in a glance. She looked at him quickly and then turned back to Aang. "He's going through some stuff, and..."

"Never mind, it doesn't matter," Zuko said, standing up. Ignoring Toph's orders to stop stomping away dramatically, he stomped away dramatically.

_Every single time, every single damn time he tried to tell her, someone had to pounce in and ruin it._

"He always does that," he overheard Katara say, irritated. "Just when he's on the edge of telling me something important, he just _stomps away_."

"Zuko is a complicated individual," Aang said sagely. Aware that they were talking about him, Zuko paused to listen.

"Yeah, _obviously_," Katara huffed. "And I understand why, it's just..." she broke off and sighed.

He couldn't blame her, of course, for being miffed about his dramatic exits. Truth be told, he was a bit miffed at _himself_ over the whole thing, but it had really seemed like the only option. Frustrated, he shook his head at himself. _You really need to stop doing that._

"You really care about him a lot," Aang observed, a little sadly.

"Of course I do."

"Do you..._care_ about him?" he asked quietly. Zuko held his breath. _Of course she does._

"You emphasized that in a weird way, what are you trying to say?"

"You know what I'm trying to say." Leaning against a tree, Zuko watched the ground and berated himself for his own temper. _It was the temper that Mai hated_, he reminded himself. "Katara, we kissed at the invasion, but..."

_The temper._

Upon hearing those words, Zuko's head snapped up. _His temper_. Fire spat from his fists, and forgetting himself, he nearly drove his fist into a tree. _They'd kissed? Katara hadn't said anything about THAT_ _when she was being all caring about his feelings._ Suddenly he saw them in his mind, kissing, and it looked so _stupid, _it made him want to vomit. _Temper_.

_You're overreacting_, he told himself, breath hissing from his throat. _Calm down_.

And he did, slowly, the welling anger burned away until it was nothing more than the familiar, low simmer he was never quite rid of.

Aang was still talking.

"You don't act like you act with Zuko with me. You hug him, you touch his _hair_..."

"Well, that's not really my fault; I mean, you don't _have_ hair," Katara said, trying to make light of the situation.

"You know what I mean," he said with a whine. "Do you like him? And don't say 'yes of course he's super nice and great' because he's _not_. You know who's nice? I'm nice! I'm so nice, I let him join our group even though he barely deserved it! He captured you, he stole your necklace, he betrayed..."

"You're being so unfair!" Katara started to yell. Zuko, also startled by the unfairness of it all, realized he'd never seen Katara yell at Aang before. He could hardly believe Aang was throwing all of those things in Katara's face, all of his wrongs. They would always follow him, he supposed, and bitterly he huffed. _I suppose I deserve it._

"I thought you were all about forgiveness!" continued Katara, and then she gasped. "_Are you jealous of him_? Because I...touch his hair, or whatever? Is that what this is about?"

"Katara..." Aang broke off, and looked at her sadly. "I like Zuko, I really do. But I like _you, _Katara, I like you _a lot. _I _more_ than like you. And maybe he does too, I don't know, but...I'm funny! I'm the embodiment of childish spirit! Don't you like me?"

"You're asking me a lot of hard questions," Katara sounded uncertain.

_ I should have told her, I should have told her ages ago. I should have told her as soon as I saw her. Then she would be mine and I would be hers and Aang wouldn't be squatting next to her like some bald monkey begging for clumsy kisses._

"Then I'll stop asking questions," Aang said, _and spirits above he leaned forward and kissed her again._

This time, Zuko did snap, and he set fire to every damned plant he had to smash through just so he could get as far away from them as possible.

* * *

"Zuko!"

Sokka crashed clumsily through the vegetation, brandishing his sword.

"Go away, Sokka," Zuko snapped, practicing his high kicks. Things were on fire, but he didn't care. "I'm not in the mood for company."

"I heard what happened," he persisted, stamping out a small fire on the ground. "And you need to calm down before you _burn down the entire forest_."

Zuko glared at him, but he knew that Sokka was right. With a great deal of indignation, he forced himself a little calmer. The harsh, orange glow of fire dimmed as the flames receded, but Zuko didn't feel any better.

"Look," Sokka sighed and put an arm around Zuko's shoulders. "I know you're all 'angry shoulders' right now, but it's not the end of the world."

"I know that," Zuko grumbled. He pinched the bridge of his nose and reminded himself _it's not. It's not the end of the world. It's not the end of anything_. "It's just...hard."

"Did I ever tell you about my first girlfriend?" Sokka said longingly, and Zuko groaned.

"She turned into the moon, yes, you've told me a thousand times."

"And that was really hard for me. I really liked her, and she was the first girl who liked me _back_. She kissed me, for spirits sake! And then she turned into the moon." He sighed, and gave Zuko a _know what I'm saying_ look. Zuko just gave Sokka a _what are you getting at _head shake. "_What I'm getting at _ is that I didn't get all catatonic when Yue died and turned into the moon- I went on with my life, and then I met someone even better." Zuko wanted to say that there was no one better than Katara, but that sounded stupid, so he kept his mouth shut. Sokka patted him on the back. "Just trust me, buddy. Katara isn't going to turn into the moon any time soon. If anything, this is the opportune moment to implement _maximum badassery_."

"It doesn't matter anymore, Sokka, I saw Aang kiss her."

"And then you stomped away, right?"

"Well, yeah." What else would he have done?

"So you have no idea what happened! She could have pushed him away, she could have told him off, and if I know Katara (which I do) that's probably exactly what she did!"

"Maybe you were wrong," Zuko snapped, wrenching away from Sokka. "Maybe Katara _like_s short bald kids. Maybe all this _coaching_ you've been giving me is just leading me in the wrong direction! All of this raspy voice crap, the hair stuff, the aloofness- it's not working!"

"Be patient!" Sokka stressed the word patient. "I'm telling you, give it a month or so and she'll come around!"

"I don't have a month or so!" Zuko started yelling. "The comet comes in less than that. What if I don't make it past that? What if she doesn't? What if..."

"Stop. You're being stupid. If you wait..."

"I can't sit by for another _day_ waiting," he said painfully. "I...I don't just like her, I..." he groaned and threw his head back in frustration before slapping a hand dramatically to his forehead.

"Wait. Wait wait wait wait." Sokka waved his hands around and backed up a few steps. "What are you saying?"

Zuko gave him a grumpy look from between his fingers. "You heard what I said."

"Do you...lov-"

"Don't say it," Zuko snapped. "_Don't_."

"You _do_," Sokka gasped. "Spirits, you _do_."

"No I don't!"

_I do. So much._

"Say it. Come on, say it." These words were accompanied by light punches to the arm, which Zuko deeply resented. "You'll feel better after you say it!"

"I love her!" Zuko yelled, "are you happy? _I love her, and I'm not talking to you about this anymore_."

He realized that his storming off was probably getting old, but he didn't care, so he decided to storm to from the place which he'd originally stormed off from. If he was lucky, he would catch Aang in the act and it would give him the excuse of kicking him in the head.

_I love her_.

Anger welled up in him. He was never rid of it, even when he was _happy_ he was still angry about something. But Katara...Katara would fix all that. When he was with her, he forgot how mad he was about anything. She made him laugh, she made him_ actually happy_. Katara, he knew, would take his hand and kiss him until he stopped being grouchy.

He wondered if Katara would ever kiss him.

There was no one at the campsite when he stormed up to it, no one except Suki. She was reading a book, and didn't look up when he stomped by.

"Mad about something, Hotpants?"

"What? I'm not mad, I'm..._what did you call me_."

"Relax," she said, putting her book down. "Sokka told me what happened, and..."

"HOW MANY PEOPLE DO I HAVE TO KILL TODAY?" he yelled, and disappeared into his tent as dramatically as he possibly could.

* * *

A few hours later, Zuko opened his eyes. Curiously, he was on his sleeping bag; he realized that he must have taken another angry nap. Usually he hated sleeping during the day, but sometimes he just got so worked up that his body shut down and he just fell asleep.

He groaned and rolled over onto his back, rubbing his eyes. _How long had he been asleep_? He heard voices coming from outside, and he realized with a grimace that he couldn't exactly go out there. He'd done a lot of stomping around in the past few hours, and he'd yelled at quite a lot of people, and he wasn't up to any more talks about his feelings, so he decided staying in the tent until Aang wanted to firebend was the best course of action.

There were only three activities really appropriate for sitting in a tent. He didn't want to meditate on his family issues anymore, and he'd _just_ slept for a good one or two hours, which left only one option.

Not even really in the mood for it, Zuko reached into his pants and promised himself he'd actually enjoy this one. He closed his eyes and brought her back to the front of his mind. He remembered how she felt, wet and pushed against him. This time, she brought her lips to his, she ran her fingertips across his chest, _she_ slid her hands in his pants and it was _her_ touching him, rolling him in her hand and moaning in his ear.

A low groan hissed from between his teeth, and Zuko threw himself into it. _It's Katara. Her mouth. Her tongue. _He stroked himself furiously, _angrily_ as always, breath shuddering in and out.

"Hey, Zuko, are you in there?"

"Ugh, _go away_," he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut and continuing.

"But I need to practice firebending!"

"_Not. Now_."

"Can I come in?"

"_NO, YOU..._"

To his horror, the flap swung open and Aang came in. Zuko shouted and yanked his hands out of his pants; he scrambled back as far as he could without bringing the tent down, and internally cursed all airbenders and all monks that had ever existed or ever would exist.

"Oh," Aang looked down at Zuko, who was trying to cross his legs in a vain attempt to hide...things. "Are you having bathroom problems too? It happens to Sokka all the time."

"Just tell me what you want and get out," Zuko hissed, clenching his teeth.

"I'm having a problem with firebending," Aang sat down, _damn_ him. "I'm still afraid I'm going to burn something, or someone! And what if I do? I can't burn Katara again. I don't want to hurt anyone. You can attack someone with all other three elements without hurting someone, but fire always burns."

"Yeah, fire is hot, fire burns people and destroys everything, that's the deal. We'll work on your aim but _spirits above can you just leave and give me seven minutes and then I swear to Agni I will give you all the excessive attention you require_."

Aang got the hint and left, and Zuko sighed. It wasn't too late to salvage what Aang called _his bathroom problem_, so he reached his hand back down and continued.

"Wait, one more thing..." Aang poked his head back in the tent, but Zuko just opened one eye at him and gave him the most _vile_ look he could muster (it wasn't hard when one of your eyes was naturally scary), and Aang yelped and skittered back out.

It was too late to fully enjoy it, so Zuko got it over with and finished before anyone jumped in again. It felt better than he expected it would, and he groaned audibly as he shuddered into his hand. Wiping it on the ground, Zuko readjusted his clothes and poked his head out of the tent.

"Hey there sunshine," Suki greeted him with a raised eyebrow. "Angry nap?"

Zuko's response was to growl in what he was convinced was a friendly matter as he emerged from the tent.

Toph was looking very grumpy.

"Oh good, you're done!" Aang air scootered over to him. "Did you fix your bathroom problem?"

Sokka spat out the tea he was drinking. Zuko shook his head quickly at him as if to say _no Sokka I wasn't jerking off and I definitely wasn't thinking about your sister_ but Sokka just made a vomiting face at him and turned around huffily. _Great_, Zuko scowled, knowing that his pursuit of Katara would be complicated a great deal if Sokka became opposed (although he still didn't get why he seemed to be in favor of the whole thing).

Furtively he glanced around for Katara, but she wasn't there. She must have gone to the market to get some food. _What did she do? What did she say when Aang kissed her_?

But Aang was _super excited about firebending practice_, and the last thing Zuko wanted was to _ask_, so he tried to forget about the kiss and get on with practice.

Begrudgingly, he followed Aang for a while. Once they came upon a large, open area, Aang turned to him.

"Can we talk about something before we practice?" he asked. Zuko tried his best to give Aang a look that said _NO_, but for the Avatar, Aang was unbelievably obtuse and didn't pick up on it. "You're...good with ladies, right?"

Startled, Zuko choked on his own words. "What? What gave you that impression?"

"I don't know," Aang shrugged, "you give off that vibe." Zuko didn't know what to say to that, so he just started at Aang blankly, wondering what in hell this had to do with anything. "Can I ask for some advice?"

_Why was everyone asking him for advice? Didn't they know he was shit at it by now?_ Zuko sighed and tugged at his hair, shrugging, and said, "I guess."

"Great!" Aang smiled. "It's about Katara."

_Of course it is_.

"What about Katara?" Zuko forced his voice to be even. Non inflicted. Like he didn't care one way or the other. It fooled Aang, but then again, Aang was a fool.

"Well, Katara and I used to hug a lot- all the time, actually, and she'd do really awesome stuff like pat me on the head or kiss my cheek! I thought it meant she liked me, but she doesn't really _do_ stuff like that anymore. And I kissed her today, but she just told me she was _confused_ and left. What does that even _mean_?"

"Aang," Zuko let out a hiss of forced patience. "My experience with girls is limited to one very peppy, very annoying Earth Kingdom refugee and a girl whose 'I love you' expression is the same as her 'I will kill you in your sleep' face."

Aang rocked back and forth on his heels, and Zuko knew what he was trying to do. As sneaky (not) and persistent (not) as Aang was, he wouldn't let him wheedle _anything_ out of him about any sort of affection he harbored for Katara. He was done sharing that with other people, because so far, other people were just making it worse.

"Hear me out-" Aang said. "Lately, I've noticed that _you've _been hugging Katara a lot. I mean, what's up with that?" he eyed Zuko suspiciously, and Zuko repressed an eye roll.

"_What's up_ is that Katara likes hugging people," he said shortly, "and you shouldn't look into it, because then you'd be the only one. Are we firebending or not?"

"You like Katara, right? As a friend, I mean?"

Zuko groaned. "Aang. Listen to me. This isn't the time to be worrying about your feelings or my feelings or Katara's feelings or anyone else's feelings of any kind. There's a war going on, if you hadn't noticed, and you happen to be the only one who has any say in stopping it. So _I _suggest that you forget about girls for _three more weeks_ and let me teach you how to firebend so you don't get _completely roasted_ by my father."

Aang's response was to look gloomily up at Zuko, a resigning look hanging in his eyes. _I know you like her_, he seemed to be saying. Zuko _humphed_ and got into a firebending stance.

"We're practicing," he said. It was an order, and Aang obeyed.

If there was one thing Zuko didn't get about this group of people, it was that all they wanted to do was sit around and talk about feelings. When he wasn't either practicing, meditating, or storming away dramatically, someone was walking up to him tentatively and asking _how do you feel, Zuko? _Or even worse, _I like Katara, what do I do, Zuko_?It was unlike anything he'd ever known, and it was _maddening. _It didn't quite occur to him that people asked him about his feelings because they cared about him, but the thought did hover somewhere in the far depths of his brain. Even though he wasn't aware of it, it did comfort him slightly, leaving him wondering where all these _good_ emotions were coming from.

Aang followed his motions exactly, being every bit the proper student for once. Zuko had never had to teach anyone anything, and most of the time, he didn't even know what to do with the energetic air nomad who would orbit him in circles, laughing and shouting. But for once he seemed focused, driven; less afraid.

"Good," Zuko said, standing on one hand and swinging his legs around. Aang followed. "Remember to breathe. With every inhale, draw your energy, and with every exhale, release it. Let it burn and ebb at you, like fire itself. It's not merely a fighting form, it's about..."

But there was a scream then, an explosion, and Aang leapt ten feet into the air before landing gracefully.

"What was that?" he looked wildly at Zuko, who's head had snapped back to their campsite. Smoke.

_Azula._

* * *

A/N: *cue dramatic music*

There are some times when I feel this story is a bit too heavy on the 'talking about feelings,' but really making Zuko sit down with people and talk about his feelings is too fun because he gets so grumpy about it. He also just has a lot of feelings, and all of these chats are like tiny cathartic moments for him, where he can sort of siphon out his turmoil one feeling at a time. That being said, I'm trying to include other elements into the story where things actually happen other than stomping around and characters experiencing emotions. That was always the most enganging part of Avatar for me, the relationships each character had with each other. Zuko has had so many messed up relationships in his life, he's just super confused when he suddenly makes all these healthy and lasting bonds with people. He's convinced it was an accident.

In the next chapter, Azula causes mayhem, the Gaang is forced to relocate, and Katara makes a startling confession. Thanks for reading! I want to hug you all.


	5. The Zuko State

A/N: Hello readers, are you ready for more fun times?  
I want to give you all an emphatic THANKS for the reviews, because they warm my heart to the very core. Of course, the best review ever award goes to GameFreak who wrote a the best little drabble about Suki tricking Zuko into seeing a shrink and I cackled it was so wonderful.

* * *

"_Azula_," Zuko hissed, and took off. Aang ran after him. Flying through the woods and bashing their way through the trees, the two boys eventually came upon a grievous sight. Zuko was right, it _was_ Azula, Azula and twenty other Fire Nation soldiers. She'd set fire to all of their tents, restrained all of their friends, and was cackling about it.

"Let them go!" Aang yelled, an authoritative edge in his voice. Zuko took a stance and glared at his sister, pretending it _wasn't_ Katara over that soldier's shoulder, struggling at her bonds. "Let them go and no one has to get hurt!"

Azula snorted at the precious sentiment. _No one has to get hurt_. That was the biggest lie, in Zuko's opinion, that ever came out of anyone's mouth. _People get hurt. That's what people do_.

"I'll let them all go," she said, twisting her hair around her finger like she just didn't care. "If you surrender _yourself_."

"No," Zuko cut in loudly, hating his sister for playing into Aang's stupid nobility and selflessness, knowing Aang would give himself up a thousand times if it meant saving his friends. "You're lying."

"Am I? It's so hard to tell the difference between lying and honesty these days, don't you think so, Zuzu?" Zuko seethed at his _idiotic_ nickname and growled.

"You can't win this fight," he said, "and you're not getting away with the Avatar."

"Oh, fine," she sighed haughtily, gesturing for her soldiers to carry on. Zuko let out a poorly disguised cry as they started to carry Katara away, and Azula's eyes flashed back to him, glinting. "Don't tell me you _care_ about these people, Zuzu," she taunted softly. Somewhere in the far reaches of his senses, he heard Toph scream, her voice muffled. _They gagged her. For Agni's sake, they gagged her_.

"Somebody _shut her up_," Azula yelled, her eyes going wild for a second. "I can't listen to that insufferable shrieking!"

"She's a _child_," Zuko yelled back, his voice shaking in rage. "She's a child and you're a _monster_."

"A monster?" Azula's voice went strangely soft. Looking to his left, Zuko noticed that Aang was no longer there; he must have gone off after the rest of their friends. _Save them_, he pleaded, _save them, because I was never the hero of this story_.

He let a blast of fire escape at his sister, and she laughed and jumped merrily out of the way, her arms extended elegantly out to either side. A fight had broken out between the other soldiers and Aang; _he was the hero_.

"I see you're alone this time," Zuko said to her, dodging a cruel jab of blue fire directed at his face. "No more friends?"

Her face twisted. "Friends are a _weakness_," she spat, sliding forward, her body rocking as she skated on flames. "Do you know what I did to them? _To her_?"

Zuko gave her a heavy blast for that one, and she jumped easily out of the way again, her face mocking him the entire time.

"_This isn't about her, Azula_," he growled, seizing one of her attacks in his hands. The flames spat in his hands, turning from blue to a bright, vicious orange.

"She betrayed me," Azula's voice rose to a screech. "_FOR YOU_. She betrayed me _for you._"

Zuko hated himself for it, but he rose to her bait, anger billowing out of his hands and lashing at her. _Please just let her be the one to burn for once_. "_What did you do to Mai?"_

Azula smirked. "Nothing different than what you did, Zuzu. I let her in the prison to _rot_. Didn't you leave her? Didn't you watch her fade away as she saved your stupid,_ pathetic excuse for a life?"_

_ "Shut UP Azula!"_ he screamed, losing his control. "_SHUT UP!"_

She grinned, panting, knowing how big of a nerve she struck.

_I didn't want to leave her there. The stakes were too high. I could have risked everything, I could ruined the entire mission with my stupid selfishness._

The lies hissed through his mind like poison, and he tried to ignore the horrible truth. _You didn't save her because you don't love her. You didn't save her because if you brought her back, being with Katara would be impossible. You didn't save her because you didn't want to_.

"Zuko!" Aang yelled from somewhere very far away. "We need to get out of here and go somewhere safe!"

"Yeah, I'm sick of camping, let's get _out _of here." Upon hearing Toph's voice, Zuko whipped around. Aang had successfully freed all of them, and the soldiers lay in a heap on the ground.

"You guys go," Zuko said, his voice seething from between clenched teeth.

"We're not leaving without you," Aang stressed, "now _come on_!"

"_Go_!" he shouted, "you'll never escape with her on your heels!" he dodged more attacks, and looked desperately at his friends. _His friends_. "I'll find you!"

Sokka grabbed Suki by her upper arm and ran with her towards Appa, clutching Toph by the hand. Aang followed suit.

It was Katara who lingered, her eyes glued to Zuko. She shook her head slowly,

"No," she said, "I'm not going,"

"Katara, _please_," Zuko grappled with Azula, shoving her and aiming another blast at her. Not her face though, never at her face. _Not even she deserved that_. Azula laughed.

"You're weak," she hissed, eyes burning. "And you'll _never_ match me!"

Zuko took her outburst as an opportunity to knock her off her feet, and she went down. "_Go_," he told Katara painfully.

"I'm not going," she snapped, raising her arms and sending a tirade of water at the fallen princess.

"How cute," Azula drawled, swinging her legs around and leaping back up onto her feet. "I should have known, Zuzu, first Mai and now _her_. You do have a knack for finding _trash_."

There was nothing left, only anger. Rage blinded him, rage and blind fury, and he flew at Azula with all the strength he had, screaming. Red was all he could see, and fire exploded from everywhere he could muster.

It was this sort of rage explosion that Katara called 'The Zuko State.'

Azula only smirked, and leapt gracefully out of the way, like Zuko was nothing more than a minor annoyance nipping at her ankles.

"Oh, please calm down," Azula yawned like she was bored. "It gets _so_ tiring.."

And, blasting fire out of her hands, she lifted into the sky and smirked away.

Katara put her hands on his arm, and the anger ebbed away slowly, like a fire slowly dying, spitting it's final words into the air before it hissed out and turned to nothing but smoke.

He breathed heavily.

"She was my sister, once," he said, looking at the spot in the sky from which she vanished.

"She still is," Katara tugged on his arm. "She's just lost right now. She'll find her way back."

"Somehow, I'm not so sure about that," Zuko said darkly, turning to join the rest of his friends on the Sky Bison. Aang called a frantic _yip yip_ once he and Katara were on, and Appa took off.

"That's was close," he breathed once they were safely in the air.

"_Too _close," Sokka agreed, peering over the edge of the saddle. "Azula nearly fried all of us."

"What I want to know is, where were those other two girls? Ditzy and Gloomy?"

"Azula has them," Zuko said quietly, pushing the guilt away. _I should have saved her. I should have saved both of them_. "But that doesn't matter." _It does_. "We have to get somewhere safe, where she won't be able to find us again."

"But she always does," Sokka stressed. "Everywhere we go, she turns up! Must be a family thing."

Zuko ignored that and presented the idea that had been rolling around in his head for quite some time. "My family has a house on Ember Island. We could go there. It's not far from here, and Azula won't think to look."

"Maybe," Katara said doubtfully, hugging her knees to her chest. Zuko noticed a burn mark on her arm, and his eyes widened.

"Katara, your arm," he said with alarm. Aang turned his head to look too, and gasped.

"Azula got you!"

"It's nothing," Katara insisted quickly, shifting uncomfortably. "She barely..." but she winced, and Zuko fell to her side before he was aware he was even doing it. Aang was there too, and for a moment they exchanged a glance. A strange look hovered in Aang's eyes, something a little like swallowed resentment. Ignoring it to the best of his ability, Zuko focused his attention on the mark on Katara's arm.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, his head bowed in concern. Katara shook her head, but neither Zuko nor Aang was very convinced. Being on the side that the burn was, Aang started to fuss over it. There wasn't much to be done though, so he just sort of sat there and patted it with his hand in what he must have thought was a comforting manner. Katara just grimaced.

"Azula took my pouch," she explained, "or else I would heal it. But really, you shouldn't..." letting out a sharp gasp, Katara lurched forward into Zuko's chest.

"Oops," Aang said guiltily. "Must have pressed too hard."

"It's fine," she said, her voice muffled. _Here we go_, Zuko grumbled internally as his heart started to race. She must have been able to tell, _she must have_. With difficulty, he put bracing hands on her shoulders and straightened her back to a sitting position. Apologizing profusely, Aang continued to inspect the area for further signs of damage.

"Hey hey hey," Sokka said, bashing his way through the conglomerate of worried boys. "Give her some space!"

Aang nodded stiffly, his eyes still glued to Katara. Standing up, he made his way to Appa's head so he could steer. Zuko followed.

"I probably need help finding the house," Aang told him. "I've never been to Ember Island."

"Yeah," he nodded. "But Aang...I wanted to say thank you."

Aang looked over his shoulder at him. "For what?"

"For getting us out of that mess." He paused. Gratitude didn't come easily to him, and the words were awkward in his mouth. "If you weren't there, she...Azula would have...what I'm trying to say is that you're..." he huffed. "Thanks for saving our asses."

Aang must have understood his discomfort, so he just gave him an easy smile. "Thanks Zuko. That means a lot. And I'm glad to save your butts." He paused, and added as an afterthought, "I had to edit that part for language."

"I got that."

And Aang just sort of smiled and turned back to the front, sighing as he snapped Appa's reins. Zuko showed him the general area of where he was supposed to go, but before too long the sun started to go down, and he started to get drowsy.

When night hit, he retreated to the back of the saddle, where Toph was trying to explain how she made rock suits to an enthralled Sokka. Crumpling up on the ground, Zuko closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. It seemed like there was no position he could lay in that didn't involve _touching_ anyone; five people was too many for a single saddle, even one as big as Appa's.

Soon, everyone else started to take his lead. He'd been asleep for what felt like _five whole minutes_ before he woke up to one of Toph's toes poking him in the nose. He snorted in a groggy bewilderment and shoved her foot away, only to find Suki with one of his elbows.

"_Sorry,"_ he hissed with a grumble. She just grumbled back a bit and rolled over onto Sokka, who was snoring _exceptionally loudly_.

Zuko detested overnight flights.

His eyes drifted over to Katara, who didn't look asleep. Slowly he scooted closer, and her eyes followed his movements.

"What are you doing, still awake?" she asked, her voice low and mumbly. "Don't you rise with the sun or something?"

"Toph keeps sticking her feet up my nose."

"Ew," Katara's nose crinkled. Zuko saw a shiver pass through her body, but he guessed that was more due to the cold than anything else. She drew her arms around herself.

"Are you cold?"

"Azula burned all our stuff," she explained. "All our sleeping bags, our blankets, everything." This, Zuko knew, would have been the perfect opportunity to offer his arms to her, to let her sleep against his chest, protected by the heat of his body. But instead he just looked at her awkwardly, the offer lost in his throat somewhere. Katara exhaled softly.

"Can I ask you something?" her voice was quiet.

"Yeah, of course."

"The war...do you think it'll end?"

Zuko didn't know the answer to that. He just looked back at her, and shrugged a shoulder.

"I don't know," he said softly. "I hope so."

"Me too." Katara paused thoughtfully. "Goodnight, Zuko."

She turned around to face the other way, and Zuko looked wistfully at her curved figure, shivering from the cold.

"Goodnight," he whispered, and shifted closer so maybe he could at least block the wind for her.

When he woke up, Katara was curled up on his chest.

* * *

He didn't move.

He couldn't move, Katara was _asleep on him_. Every breath was a risk, and Zuko looked around as if to say _is anyone else seeing this_? But everyone else was asleep too, except Aang, who snapped tirelessly at Appa's reins.

Zuko brushed a piece of hair away from her upper arm to see what damage had been done. There was a mark, but it was light. It wasn't likely to scar, and that comforted him greatly. Her breath was warm, and tickled his chest, a spark that would inevitably lead to fire. And inevitably it did, his heart hammered, burning, _wanting_.

_See how easy this is_? He tucked a hair loopie gone astray behind her ear, and followed the curve of her cheek with the back of his hand. _So beautiful_.

In the haziness of her sleep, Katara responded to the touch and nuzzled into him, her lips smiling softly. It was like his hold on everything snapped, all the restraint, all the denial, all the years worth of self loathing; it was gone, and all that was left was the overwhelming need to wake up like this every day. Something a little like love rushed through his body, swimming in his head and making his fingers jump. Zuko put his arm around her, carefully, and bent his head to rest on hers. Contentedly she snuggled against him, and remained that way for quite some time.

It was Sokka who yawned himself awake next, and he was about to make some loud announcement (Zuko could tell, because he always pointed when loudly announcing something, and there was a great deal of pointing going on), but his eyes fell on Katara and, consequently, her current sleeping position, and his eyes widened.

"Oooooooo," he said, winking deviously at Zuko. Zuko shook his head frantically in a _don't make any noise_ kind of way, but it was too late- Aang's attention had already been drawn.

"_What_?"Aang yelped at the sight of Katara nuzzled up against Zuko. "What's going on? Are you guys..._what_!?"

"Shut your mouth," Zuko tried to whisper and snap at the same, as to not wake Katara but still get his point across. This instigated a whisper battle.

"_Why are you snuggling?"_

_ "We are not snuggling._

_ "What do call this then?"_

_ "...Recovery sleeping."_

_ "Recovery sleeping!? That's not a thing!"_

_ "If you'd been shot in the arm with fire, I'm sure you'd understand."_

_ "I knew you liked her!"_

_ "What about this makes you think that?"_

_ "Zuko you are stroking her hair!"_

_ "Don't you have other things to be doing?"_

_ "Guys," _Sokka joined the whisper battle. "_I think whispering is bad for your voice."_

_ "You're bad for your voice!" _Zuko and Aang spoke at the same time, and Aang gave Zuko a huffy look before he slumped back to Appa's head. Sokka looked at Zuko and shrugged. Shaking the irritation away, Zuko looked back at Katara, whose hand was clutching the fabric of his tunic. _Stupid monk_, Zuko thought, allowing himself to tighten his hold on her. Some strands of hair had fallen into her face, so Zuko brushed then out of the way. _I love you so much_. It was becoming less painful, the more real it seemed. Yet something about her touch still felt like pins in his chest, like every thing she did made him fall in love with her a little bit more, and every piece of himself that he gave to her was being simultaneously ripped to shreds.

_What if she's never this close again_, he thought sadly, trying to catch words out out of her murmurs and sleepy whispers. Maybe he was hoping for a confession, an admittance normally shrouded by guilt, just one, muttered _Zuko_.

But it didn't come, and she only shifted slightly against him, her head pressing in underneath his chin. Zuko didn't know if it was possible to feel shattering heartbreak and pure ecstasy at once, but when he dared lean into her and press his lips to her forehead, he felt both as equally, both as painfully, both as wonderfully. She stirred again, but she didn't wake up, and her lips broke into a sleepy smile. Murmuring some more about nothing, she nuzzled him again, and fell silent.

It wasn't until nearly twenty minutes later that she stretched into a yawn, and her forehead dragged across Zuko's chest. Her back arched like a cat, and she slumped back down. Only then did she open her eyes.

Zuko feigned sleep instantly, knowing he could pass everything off as _sleep cuddling_. He couldn't see, but he prepared himself for her to scramble off him, the inevitable smack, and a _what are you doing_ screech.

But it didn't come. Rather, Zuko felt her heart pick up, and she stayed, like something had frozen her to the spot. Her breathing had become like his was twenty minutes ago; careful, hesitant. _Why isn't she shoving me away_? Fingers, small, tentative fingers brushed his hair.

Zuko nearly died.

Disbelief clouded his thoughts. _Maybe I'm asleep. _He felt her hand move from his hair to his face, and to his scar. Slowly she traced it, like she was fascinated by it somehow. Breath escaped him like a hiss, and Katara hesitated. And then...

"_Zuko_," she whispered, almost sadly, just _hovering_ there. Every muscle in his body screamed for her, to reach her and kiss her and pin her to the ground and do what Zuko _knew_ he wanted, what he knew they _both_ wanted.

Because if Katara didn't like him, if she didn't_ really_ like him...

Joy, stupid, painful, heartwrenching joy broke into Zuko's chest and he nearly threw himself on her right there, but he restrained himself and opted instead for opening his eyes. He felt her startle on top of him, her muscles contracting, like she was ready to spring.

But still, she didn't.

She opened her mouth to say something, and Zuko opened his, looked up at at her with desperate eyes, but, as always, a living, breathing tornado tornadoed over and started talking.

"Katara! You're awake! Can you fly Appa? I'm tired. Thanks!"

Aang pulled Katara up onto her feet and gave her a gentle push towards Appa's head. She muttered groggily but complied, sitting down between the bison's horns begrudgingly.

"Are we there yet? I'm getting saddle fever," Sokka said, twitching in a way that Zuko was sure was unnatural.

"Yeah, we're close," Aang said, his eyes still fixed on Zuko. Knowing the best defense was sleep, Zuko shrugged, closed his eyes, and pretended to fall back asleep, much to the young Avatar's dismay.

Zuko's feigned sleep didn't last very long, since Toph kept shouting loudly about how he wasn't asleep and she could tell and blah blah blah seeing with her feet.

All in all, he decided that Toph's magic feet were almost as annoying as Aang's stupid crush on the girl _he was in love with._

Appa landed with a less than graceful _thump_, and with a bleary look, Zuko recognized the little beach house that was once so familiar to him.

"It's so cute!" Suki said, jumping onto the ground. Sokka was close behind, and said something about the tackiness of the whole place. While he didn't say anything, Zuko agreed. It was a gross house with gross wallpaper and gross memories. While they walked to the house, Aang made a Big Deal about fussing over Katara, who was bending some water from the beach over her injury. She insisted over and over again that she was fine.

"I'm a great healer," she assured him, patting at his shoulder. Why was she doing that? "I'm fine, really."

"You seemed more than fine this morning," he said, very grumpily. Zuko rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Aang..." Katara couldn't keep his attention as he took a cue from Zuko and stormed away. Zuko couldn't help but notice that there was a great deal of wind involved, so it was a much more impressive storming off. This irritated him. As expected by everyone, Katara huffed and ran after him, but what nobody expected was her to yell _"that didn't mean anything, I was asleep! I could never feel...that way about him!"_

Suddenly, everything dropped away. Zuko knew all his blood must have drained right out of him and into the ground, because he couldn't move. Everyone else stopped, and looked at him cautiously. _Was I that obvious_?

"Zuko..." It was Suki who reached out first, and the placating tone of her voice turned into a cruel, patronizing hiss in his ears.

"What?" he snapped. "Do you think I don't have control over my emotions? Do you think that bothers me, that _any _of this bothers me?"

"It's okay to experience...feelings," Suki continued carefully.

"But every time someone rubs you the wrong way, you flip out and set fire to everything!" Toph said flatly, throwing her hands in the air. "I thought I told you to _stop_ being crazy, but it's like crazy is the only thing you know! Now that the girl you're in love with publicly declared she doesn't even like you, what do you expect us to think you're gonna do?"

Now, now they thought they were in for it. Everyone shrank away from him like they thought he was going to explode, like they expected him to go into his _Zuko State_ and they were ready to duck for cover when the top blew.

But they were his friends, not targets. Exhale. _It's not the end of the word_. Inhale. _Spirits it's not even a big deal_. Exhale. _These are your FRIENDS._

So he slumped his shoulders in defeat, cast a look at all of them, and asked softly "what do I do?"

Suki and Sokka both let out a little cry something to the effect of _you poor thing we'll help you get her back no one deserves this kind of pain_ and swarmed him with hugs. Toph punched him in the arm and told him he was a stupid, adorable idiot.

_You're so strong_, Katara said to him yesterday, and he _was_ damnit.

"I say you just march up to her, say 'Listen Sugarqueen, I've got hotpants for you' and she'll be all over you!" Toph suggested, hands on her hips.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Sokka was never very enthusiastic when Zuko's hotpants were brought into the conversation..

"No," Suki gave Toph a weird look (that went unreceived), and put her arm on his. He tried to resist the urge to shrink away from the human touch and endured it with a grim smile. "Look, I know for a fact that Katara likes you, _at least_ as a friend."

"That really helps Suki, thanks."

"Listen to me! Aang needs a lot of mollycoddling, you know that. She only said that to calm him down, you know how Aang gets..."

Zuko almost added "_well what about how I get" _but he figured it was pretty obvious how he got, so he remained quiet.

"The fact remains that Katara is kind of a bitch sometimes, and if none of you are going to call her out on it, I will." Toph jerked a thumb to her chest, and Sokka looked like he was about to protest, until he shrugged and crossed his arms in consent.

"There's one simple solution to all of this," Suki continued.

"What?"

"_Just tell her you like her_," all three of them chorused at once, and Zuko jerked his head in the direction Katara had run off, afraid she'd come back and heard. He didn't know why everyone insisted that this was the most reasonable solution, because it entailed suspicious amounts of _talking _and _feelings admitting_ and _rejection_, all things that Zuko was extremely opposed to.

"No, that can't be it," he said, scratching his head. "There must be a more...indirect way to...say nothing and let Aang and Katara get married and go back to the Fire Nation and maybe think about getting Mai out of that prison."

He said that last part all very quickly. Suki gaped at him and shook her head, Sokka face palmed, and Toph punched him.

"This can all be handled in steps," Suki said reasonably. "The first step is to tell Katara how you feel. It's a big step, but if I wasn't more direct with Sokka, he'd still be crying every time the moon was in the sky!"

"Suki..." he whined, grumbling.

"The second step," Suki ignored him, "is to _go tell your actual girlfriend what is going on_."

"She's not my girlfriend, we're broken up, I...think..."

Toph punched him again. But that wasn't _his _fault, Mai broke up and got back together with him nearly five times a day, he had no way of knowing what she thought was happening.

Once they'd made their way back to the house, Zuko opened the door to see Katara sitting on the floor, Aang's head in her lap. They were talking in rapid, hushed voices. Everyone looked at Zuko as if to say _don't do this_, and Zuko glared at them with a _just give me this one _sort of look. He stormed past the two of them so hard, there was a breeze and what he imagined to be a very satisfying startled look on Katara's face.

He stomped all the way upstairs and slammed his door shut.

* * *

A/N: Angry Zuko is Angry

Thanks for reading! Someone asked if I was going to include any Taang, and I have to regretfully say _not really_ because in my head, I think Aang is just too young for me to ship him with anyone (same with Toph, really). In any case, I'm glad you're all enjoying the story because this is really enormous fun to write. Here's an annoying little reminder that you can follow me on my tumblr if you dare, where I post my fanfic and have a lot of feelings about Zutara (url is fire-lord zuzu). Here are some heartfelt hugs and kisses to everyone who puts up with me xoxoxo.

In the next chapter, there will be brooding, Aang will use Zuko as his personal diary, and Suki makes a discovery on the Azula front.


	6. Dumb Jokes and Dumber Promises

A/N: It's an update! This chapter is a big one. I couldn't for the life of my figure out a good place to split it, so I was just sort of like WHATEVER and put it all up in one. There are some diary bits (not of the Zuko variety), and every paragraph is supposed to be a different entry (I debated for a long time about the diary bits, but I like them and figured hey why not, everyone loves diary bits).

So here's another chapter of good times!

* * *

Zuko jerked back a bit as he raised his eyes to the room, as the sudden emotional onslaught startled him a little bit. He hadn't been in this room for several years (his visit with his sister and...her friends didn't count, he'd fallen asleep outside _completely intentionally_), and he wasn't expecting it to be so...unchanged. The same sheets were on the bed, the same stupid curtains drawn to a tight close to block any and all light from entering. Even the little scorch mark on the floor remained, from the day Zuko hid one of Azula's toys and she'd attacked him.

That was back _before_ she went crazy.

He sat down on the bed, fully expecting someone to knock on his door and poke their head in and talk to him about his _feelings_, because that's all anyone ever did, but it didn't happen. A little relieved and a little confused, Zuko sprawled out and stared blankly at the ceiling. He decided that thinking about Azula, his father, his mother, his uncle, or really his whole family in general would be too depressing, so he just zoned out and watched a bug crawl across the tiles above him.

It took about an hour and a half for the bug to make it from one tile to the other, and at that point, Zuko decided he was bored and wanted to do something else. He was getting sort of hungry, and he wanted to poke around the kitchen to see if there was anything left from the last time he'd come, but that would mean _leaving the room_ and spirits knew he couldn't do that. He had stormed away too dramatically to go shuffling downstairs; he was resigned to his fate of room solitude, and stubborn as he was, he wasn't about to breach that.

He would sit in here and wait for someone to come talk to him about his feelings _or he would die waiting_.

Yet an hour later, Zuko found himself pacing around, his hands fisted in his hair. _Seriously what is with these people what are they doing don't they want to know what's wrong with me today they are usually so much more nosy than this_.

It was a deep matter of concern. He almost wanted to fling his door open and slam it shut again for emphasis, but not only was it too late for that, it sounded a little too much like a "PAY ATTENTION TO ME" gesture, and he generally avoided those at all costs.

He opened his closet for no reason other than he was bored, and saw that all his clothes were gone. Instead, was a note scratched in the wood, _needed more things to burn, took your stuff, hahaha- Azula_.

_You're a firebender, you don't need things to burn_, he wanted to yell at the scratching, but he settled for slamming the closet doors shut.

Zuko looked expectantly at the door, as if the slamming of the closet doors would have magically attracted a nosy friend or at_ least _Katara. She would come in, give him that tremulous look she was so fond of giving, throw her arms around him, and say _I'm sorry Zuko, I never meant it, I like you a lot and also I love your hair and you're really bad ass_ and she'd kiss him enthusiastically, at which point he could return gloriously downstairs and _eat something._

But that didn't happen either, so he continued to pace and think about watching that bug again.

Familiar words echoed in his head. _You know, Prince Zuko, love is a funny thing. It can build a man, or it can destroy a man. But what you must never forget is that above all things, love can never cause more problems than what it is worth._

He would know what to do.

Sighing, Zuko flopped down on his bed and raked a hand through his hair. Of course Uncle would know, if he were here. _But he's not_, Zuko thought bitterly, physically recoiling as the familiar regrets hit him. _I tried. I tried to break him out myself. It's not my fault he was already..._

But Zuko stopped, because he knew that he really _did_ blame himself. Somewhere, deep inside he knew that wasn't fair to himself, but for the moment he was so caught up in the guilt, all he could do was flop over onto his bed and try to keep himself from drowning in it.

When the door finally did open, Zuko had fallen asleep. He was half on the bed and half on the floor, one arm draped uselessly over the mattress, the rest of his body dangling over the edge.

"Hey, Hotpants," Toph yelled loudly, and Zuko woke with a start. What of him was on the bed toppled off, and he fell with a resounding crash.

"What?" he asked, trying to sound disappointed that his brief hermiting session had been interrupted, but really he was relieved. He ran a hand through his hair and picked himself up.

"I've been trying to find the firewhiskey for ages, but I can't. What gives?"

"I...what? Toph, you're _twelve_, you can't have firewhiskey."

"I know that," she said a little belligerently, crossing her arms. "It was a test." she turned around and made to shut the door, but Zuko yelled _wait_ and she turned back around, smirking.

"Got bored, did ya?" she asked in an annoyingly smug tone. Zuko made a face at her. Toph didn't notice. "Yeah, Katara made a stink about you being stompy, is that what you wanted to know? She moaned for four and a half hours about how annoying and frustrating and confusing you are, and how she wishes you'd just tell everyone what's going inside your, and this is a direct quote, 'stupid angsty brain.'"

"What is her deal?" Zuko half said, half groaned in frustration. "One second she's telling me how _strong_ I am, how she wants to _help _me, and the next she thinks I'm the most annoying person she's ever met in her entire life! It _literally makes no sense, and I swear to Agni I will stay up here until I die if that's what it takes_."

"Yeah, I think that's the annoying behavior Katara was talking about."

Zuko frowned and pretended that comment didn't bother him. "What else is happening down there?"

"Well, Sokka and Suki vanished for what _I know _is 'private couple time,' Aang is _all over _Katara and it's _super annoying_, and I've been wearing _shoes_ so I don't have to feel any of it." She shivered, and made a hesitant face. "Can I sit up here and mope with you?"

Surprised, Zuko turned his head to look at her. It was rare for Toph to let her guard down in front of anyone, he had only really seen her do it in front of Katara (he had been spying all of these times). But her head was bowed down and her feet were scratching at the ground, so Zuko nodded.

Toph didn't say anything.

_Why do I keep forgetting she's blind._ "Yeah, there's...plenty of mopeing space for everyone." Toph gave him another little smile and crossed the room to hop up onto his bed. Zuko sat next to her. "What's your deal?"

"It's just that everyone around here seems to care more about who gets to kiss who rather than _who wins the war_. It's really annoying." She stopped, even though there was something else hanging off the end of her sentence. Zuko understood, even though it surprised him.

"You feel left out," he said matter of factly. Toph's fist crumpled the bedsheets.

"I don't _want_ to!" she said loudly. "I don't want to care! It's just that between you and Aang fighting over Katara and with Sokka and Suki always _clawing_ at each other when they think I can't feel them...it just gets to you after a while."

"If you want to switch, I'm all for it. I'd rather deal with that than watch Aang waltz away with Katara, leaving nothing for me to do or say about it."

"Do you know anything about girls?" Toph asked. Knowing the answer, she continued. "The more annoying and frustrating and stupid they think you are, the more _they like you_." She blew a piece of hair out of her face. "I didn't want to tell you this before, because I knew you'd blow it all out proportion like you do everything, but every time you get within _fifteen feet_ of her, her heartbeat goes _crazy_. It's also really annoying." she paused. "That never happens around me."

Zuko did the appropriate thing and reacted to the second part of that sentence, even though it was the first part that interested him far more.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked, and she nodded, so he continued. "When I was thirteen, I didn't care about girls. They seemed so insignificant compared to what lay ahead of me, so I just didn't bother. Then my...accident happened, and it suddenly seemed like that whole world dropped away before I realized it was there. I was convinced that no girl would ever be able to look at me without seeing just the scar. And it took me a while, but I realized that wasn't the case. So I guess what I'm saying...is that...people like you, even if you don't think they should."

"It's not even that I want to date any of these dweebs," Toph said, "I just like to be adored, you know?"

Zuko actually laughed and tousled her hair. It was a weird gesture he wasn't used to, and he started to wonder why, when he realized _this is what having a little sister is supposed to be like_.

"I'll give you one hundred gold pieces if you date Aang long enough to get him away from Katara," he joked, but Toph turned around quickly and said _REALLY _and he had to shake his head quickly and say _it was a joke it was a joke_ over and over again before she started formulating plans.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, a comfortable silence that was rare to Zuko. That was, until Toph turned towards him and asked "how big is it? Is it gross? _Is it cool_?"

He realized she was talking about his scar, and leaned back as she reached to poke it. "What? It's...it's a scar Toph, it's just..."

"I have no idea what that looks like!" she insisted. "Can I touch it?"

"No!" he leaned back further. "It's just over my left eye, it's not a big deal. It's probably a little over a quarter of my face."

"Is it cool?" she asked again. Zuko let out a resigned sigh.

"If you want to be the first person to think so, then yeah, it's awesome. A real conversation starter."

"I think it's cool," she said, and it sounded sincere, which made Zuko cheer up a bit. He couldn't tell if he'd cheered her up at all, so he asked her, and she gave him a light punch on the arm and told him he was a huge dork. Taking that as a yes, Zuko chalked that up as a success.

"What do we do now?" He'd already been so dramatic, he was half considering not emerging until morning to _really_ make a point, but _damnit he was so hungry_. "Will you run down and get me a snack?"

"Forget it Hotpants," Toph slid off the bed. "Come get your own snack. But you'll have to be fast, Sokka found the pantry."

Zuko sighed. "Fine, I'll go downstairs. But not because I want to."

Toph just shook her head at him and gave him a little smile.

"Do you want to make it look like I dragged you?"

He paused. "Yeah." Toph smiled again and took him by the upper arm. She was surprisingly strong for a twelve year old, and she probably would have dragged him by the neck if he allowed it. All the way down the stairs she dragged him, while giving him a brief lesson on _apologizing_.

"I got him_,_" Toph announced loudly when they reached their destination. She shoved Zuko roughly in the general direction of the rest of the group, all of whom were sitting in couches in the living room.

"Hey Stompy," Sokka greeted him. When Toph _humphed_, he looked like he must have realized he breached the 'only Toph gets to make up the nicknames' rule and backed off. "_Zuko_, I mean."

"I'm sorry I stomped off," Zuko said stiffly and almost mechanically, like Toph had taught him seconds before she shoved him into the middle of a bunch of people. "When I...stomp, it's an expression of unvented em...Toph, I'm not doing this, I'm going to get food."

He turned around and deliberately _did not stomp_ off to the pantry. He heard the tail end of Toph finishing his practiced apology for him, containing a lot of bullshit sentiments such as 'I am a complicated soul' and 'stomping is the only way I can express myself,' which wasn't strictly true.

Either way, he was too flustered to poke his head back in and explain himself, so he settled for rummaging absentmindedly through the already scoured pantry.

* * *

Having spent all day locked in his room, Zuko realized he'd neglected to teach Aang any firebending, which he felt a bit guilty about. However, when he raised this point to him later in the kitchen, Aang's response was to scratch his head and look down at the ground.

"I don't really feel in the mood for firebending today," he said, a little grumpily. This miffed Zuko. _He_ was the grumpy one, everyone knew that.

"This is about Katara."

Aang looked up at him, his eyebrows knitted together in an anger that was rare in Aang.

"Of course it's about Katara! I've liked her ever since I woke up from that iceberg! But the first time _you _saw her, I'm pretty sure you called her a peasant and tried to kill her! I'm sorry if I don't see it, but this isn't about you two. I'm the hero. I'm supposed to get the girl."

"Whatever feelings you have for her are irrelevant, _the comet is coming_ and you need to learn firebending. So unless you want to go to the palace and ask my father to give you a lesson, we need to practice. Now."

"I know you like her!"

"Are you listening?"

"I deserve her _way_ more than you do."

"Firebending, Aang, _you need to learn how to firebend_."

"Did I mention that you tried to kill her?"

"I'm going to kill _YOU_ if you don't get outside and start doing some fire squats!" Zuko yelled, ready to slap him if that's what it took. Aang seemed to realize himself, and gave Zuko a sheepish look.

"Yeah, yeah...you're right. Sorry." he raised his eyes and tried to look as cute as possible. "I just really like her."

Zuko remained unimpressed.

"Come on," he said, and led Aang outside to the stone courtyard that sat in the inner corner of the house. It was still early in the afternoon, and extremely hot, so he yanked his tunic off. Aang did the same, and they proceeded with their practice.

"Really lean into the stance," he instructed. "Feel the energy flowing through your body."

"I feel it," Aang said, wiggling. Zuko promptly told him to stop doing that, but telling Aang not to wiggle was like telling Sokka not to make sarcastic remarks. It just wasn't possible.

"When you kick, really focus on the exhale," he said, extending his leg and trailing it slowly through the air. "It'll give you that extra power you'll need when facing my father." He shot a look at Aang, but he wasn't paying attention. "Focus!"

"I _am_ focusing!" Aang said, his attention completely turned. Zuko turned his eyes in the direction Aang was looking, to see Katara poking around in the garden. _For Agni's sake can't she do that somewhere else? _She bent over to pick some lilies, and both Zuko and Aang stared (not inconspicuously) at the view she was providing.

Aang let out a low whistle, and Zuko gave him a sharp look.

"How old are you again?" he reminded him crossly.

"Old enough to appreciate what I see."

Zuko fought back every raging instinct in his body that told him to _burn that insufferable child_ because 1. he was not Azula and 2. as annoying he was, Aang was still his friend and you don't do that to your friends, which brought him back to 1. he was not Azula.

"_We're training_," he hissed through his teeth, and yanked Aang around to drill him through some forms. He figured that he should probably sit Aang down and have a nice, long feelings talk with _him_, but not only did that sound like the most awful thing ever, he was sick to death of talking about his feelings to people.

However, Aang loved talking about his feelings, so he started rattling them off one by one at a very loud volume.

"When I woke up after being frozen for one hundred years, the first thing I saw were Katara's eyes, like two beautiful shimmering pools of...of beauty and her hair loopies were flowing in the wind, and when she held me, I knew that I was meant to marry her. I know you understand Zuko, you're really nice and understanding that way. Also I need someone to carry off into the sunset after I defeat your father, you get that right? I can't just _not_ carry someone off into the sunset." he sighed and flopped onto the ground. "She's so pretty," he said painfully.

"Aang." Zuko kept his patience. "I know this is tough. But there are bigger things to worry about."

"You keep saying that," Aang said, "but I don't want to think about this war _all the time_. I know I have to defeat the Fire Lord, and I'm working as hard as I can..." Zuko could have argued that point, but he let it be for the time being, "...and I just don't see the point in surrounding yourself in misery like that. The monks always taught me I have to enjoy life, even when things get bad."

"Look," taking a deep breath, Zuko looked at his student as kindly as he could. "I know you're experiencing...emotions, or something like it, but I really think you should focus on firebending."

"I think you need to open yourself up to _your _emotions," Aang said sagely. "You're repressing a lot of feelings, and it's not good for your karmic energy."

"Okay, fine, I repress. But I don't care about my karmic energy, and I don't want to live the rest of my life under the oppression of my father, so would you please..." he pinched the bridge of his nose, "..._please_ learn how to firebend. No more talking about feelings, and _for Angi's sake no more talking about Katara_."

Aang frowned a little, and then sighed.

"Okay. But you have to promise me something."

"Fine, whatever." Zuko waved his hand.

Biting his lip like he didn't really want to say what he was going to next, Aang stood up a little shiftily. "You have to promise me you won't go after her."

Zuko inhaled sharply. _You know I can't promise that_. But then his own shit advice rang painfully through his head, _there are more important things going on than your feelings_.

"I promise."

Aang smiled.

"Thanks Zuko. You're a good friend."

The words coiled in his stomach uncomfortably, but he forced a grim smile and went back into a firebending stance. Aang followed enthusiastically, hanging happily on the thread of Zuko's empty promise.

* * *

"Wait wait wait, I've got one-" Sokka stretched his arms out like he was physically going to catch all the laughter that would inevitably be launched at him when he revealed his latest stupid joke. "What do you call an airbender who isn't good at math?"

"What?" Katara humored him, as she always did. Zuko suspected it was either because she had put up with him for her entire life and she was used to it, or that she just shared the same lame sense of humor Sokka had.

"An airhead!" he exclaimed. Suki groaned, but Aang and Katara laughed politely.

"That's funny, because of the play on the word _air_," Aang laughed. He liked to explain jokes, because he was just as lame as Sokka and Katara, apparently.

"Was there a joke in there somewhere?" Toph stuck a finger in her ear. "I didn't catch it."

"Ha _ha_," Sokka stuck his tongue out, and Toph returned the gesture. Amazed at her magic feet, Sokka asked how she could have possibly seen him up on the couch, to which she responded by saying she couldn't see it, she just assumed that's what he was doing, and she'd been right.

Sokka scowled.

They'd occupied the house at Ember Island for nearly a week now, and there were only two left before the comet. Katara, Toph, and Aang had all been drilling Aang relentlessly on his bending, and Sokka had been working on 'battle plans' with Suki that sounded suspiciously like _other activities_ from the other side of the door.

Zuko tried to ignore the increasingly nagging feeling that they weren't doing _enough_, because when they weren't training or 'battle planning,' they were sitting around talking about _nothing _or poking through the house for embarrassing evidence of Zuko's traumatizing childhood. Nearly every hour Katara would emerge with another portrait of who she thought was Zuko, but nearly almost always turned out to be his father, or even worse, Azula.

At one point, after such a search, Suki had come up to him quietly and pressed a book into his hands.

"I thought you should be the only one to see this," she'd said softly, "before someone else found it."

It was Azula's diary, back when she was young enough to think it wasn't a waste of her time. Suki had been kind to give it to him, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to face his sister's thoughts, so he'd kept it in his room for the past few days. It had been pressing on his mind annoyingly, but not knowing what was in there seemed better than pretending it couldn't be that bad and ignoring it.

"Okay, how about this," Katara prompted, and everyone groaned. Only Katara was worse than Zuko at jokes. "What do you call a bison with two legs?"

"What?" Aang said grimly. Katara's jokes were nearly as bad as Zuko's, and that was saying something.

"A bi-son!"

Everyone stared at her.

"...What?" Zuko asked flatly.

"Because bi means two..."

"Leave the jokes to me, Katara," Sokka said smugly.

"Or we could leave the jokes to no one." This was always Toph's suggestion, and it was sounding better and better every time.

_What is in that stupid diary_?

Katara glanced over at Zuko, biting her lip. She knew something was up with him, but after declaring loudly that she could never have _feelings_ for him, she seemed a little reluctant to bother him about it. But Zuko knew Katara could only take so much before she couldn't help meddling, so he figured it was only a matter of time before she poked her nose back into his life.

They hadn't actually spoken one on one since the whole incident, so he expected it was only seconds away.

Zuko looked at her, looked a few feet into the distance, and counted _one, two, three_...

"I need to go do some dishes, but the...shelves are too high, can you help me Zuko?"

And she stood up quickly and shuffled off. Zuko looked back at the group, shrugged, and followed her. Aang's eyes watched them doubtfully, but Zuko paid no mind to that. _I promised him_, he reminded himself. Katara's stony silence for the past week had made Zuko think that he probably didn't need her _anyway_; the promise couldn't be so hard to keep.

But that was a bigger lie than he was willing to admit.

They both ended up far past the kitchen, up the stairs, and in Zuko's room. Katara stood by the bed, her hand on the book.

"So that's what it is?" he noticed, eyes flicking down to Azula's diary. "You want to know what's in the book?" _She's not here to apologize._

"Not...not entirely," she said, a little guiltily, sitting down on the bed. "I haven't been completely honest with you about...certain things." Zuko guessed which things. Katara opened her mouth like she wanted to speak, but then her lips pursed and she tugged at her hair uncertainly. "I should have apologized for what I said. I didn't mean to say it, and I didn't mean to ignore you, it's just..."

"Complicated." Zuko supplied stiffly. Katara nodded.

"Yeah. Complicated." She looked up at him with apologetic eyes, a look he didn't return. "It's just that with the war going on, everything is so..."

"Yeah, the war, I get it."

The spaces between them hung heavy with words and whispers and promises that no one felt like keeping, but still it was silent. Pressing. Suffocating. He could practically _taste_ her discomfort, her unease, her desire to leap into his arms and smush her face into his shoulder, but still neither of them moved. _I know you like me_, he wanted to say, wanted to _scream_.

So why was she doing nothing?

Inevitably, he grew uncomfortable with the silence and moved the subject along.

"It's Azula's," he said, changing the topic. Katara looked confused until he pointed at the book underneath her tapping fingers. "Suki found it. But I don't know if...I want to."

Katara paused, chewing at her lip. She spoke with a quiet uncertainty, "Do you want to look at it together?" as if she were afraid it was giving him too much.

He did like the sound of that _together _part, though, so he sat down on the bed, put the book on his lap, and exhaled. Katara put her hand on his arm, and the other arm slipped tentatively across his shoulders, like she wasn't sure if it was okay. Maybe he imagined it, or maybe he just wished it, but he swore he felt her fingers stroke his shoulder almost...curiously. It was like she was playing with him. She couldn't have been any plainer; _it's just complicated _was a polite way of saying 'I like you but also there's a clingy bald airbender who says he's in love with me so I'm going to concentrate on that okay thanks.' _Yet here she was with her arm around him and her fingers squeezing his shoulder._

Zuko's throat tightened, and he dared to lean a little closer to her, so that he could feel her breath on his neck. He opened the cover.

"This is from ten years ago," Katara noted the date on the first page. "She must have been young."

"Yeah," he nodded stiffly, his eyes running over the tiny, painfully neat handwriting. With dread in his stomach, he started to read.

_ Today was my first day at Ember Island. Zuzu's been telling me how great it was for two years, but it's not so great. It's boring. _

_ He spent all day practicing his stupid firebending. I told him he looked like a doof.  
I hope I'm a firebender.  
I'm scared of what will happen if I'm not._

_ Mom dragged us to see a stupid play today. It wasn't even funny. Zuzu loved it. I think he cried at the end. Or through the whole thing. He cries a lot._

"Okay, we can skip this," Zuko grumbled, rifling through the pages. Katara snickered.

_ I firebent today! I felt so awesome. Dad was so proud of me. But I think he's mad at Zuzu about something. He growls a lot.  
I'm worried about him.  
Training is hard, but it's fun. I'm already where Zuzu was one year ago. Dad said it won't be long before I've caught up. He called Zuzu a 'big disappointment' but I think he was kidding.  
Mom seems worried too._

_ Things are getting worse here. We finally went home today, but Dad wasn't happy. He went to his chambers and stayed there all day. Mom spent all day with Zuzu. They whisper._

_ Ty Lee and Mai came over. Neither of them are firebenders. I'm glad to know I have advantage over them.  
Mai is acting weird.  
Ty Lee is just weird all the time._

"She seems sort of...normal," Katara said, leaning closer to read Azula's tiny, scribbled, childlike handwriting. "She was worried about you."

"It didn't last long," muttered Zuko sullenly, his fingers brushing over the last traces of concern his sister had for him. "Soon she got so good at firebending, she forgot all about my problems with Dad and concentrated only on her own craziness."

They flipped a few pages forward. Katara placed a hand over his and squeezed it. _Just breathe_.

_Mai and Ty Lee didn't come over today; they said they didn't WANT to. What is wrong with those two? Can't they see that I'm the only one who will put up with their insufferable stupidity and general worthlessness? For Agni's sake, those two are so STUPID. Ty Lee told me the only reason Mai ever comes around anymore is for Zuko, which is even more stupid. _

_ Today, Mother asked me why I was training so hard. I told her I needed Father's approval, and she asked me why, but I couldn't tell her. She still has some amount of love left for the man, spirits only know why, and I can't possibly...  
He took Zuko away for a day, he told me they were doing some training. I was furious when I wasn't invited, of course, but that was before I knew what had happened. Zuko didn't tell me, but I can tell. He came back and ran past my room, crying his stupid face off.  
It's not my fault he isn't working hard enough.  
...he does work pretty hard though._

_ Ty Lee thinks she's better than me because she can do all those stupid flippy tricks. I tried to tell her that her stupid flippy tricks made her look even more insipid than she usually does, but she didn't respond well to that. I can't imagine why.  
Dad trained me some more today. It was...harder than I expected. Zuko complains about it relentlessly, but it's only because Dad wants us to be strong.  
I told Zuko that Dad would be more proud of him if he stopped crying all the time.  
Zuko did not respond well to this._

_ Things are worse than I expected.  
I snuck behind a curtain today after meeting with grandfather, and he said things I couldn't imagine. Zuzu...Zuko has no idea. He never has any idea. He's such an idiot.  
But does he deserve that?  
I want to march into his room and yell at him, to tell him it's his fault he wasn't training hard enough, that if he'd only worked harder he wouldn't have got himself into this mess.  
Would Dad really do that? He can't be that heartless. He loves us. He HAS to love us.  
I should tell him._

_ Please note: Zuko is an idiot and DESERVES TO BE MURDERED because he didn't even believe me! I tried to warn him, but he was snarky at me and went back to bed. Mom dragged me aside for a 'talk' and told me I shouldn't be so 'monstery' (not her exact words but it's what she meant).  
I heard him, though. I heard Dad say he would do it. With just a few words, Grandfather was able to command him to do the very worst. Now that...THAT'S power._

"What?" Katara asked like the breath had dropped out of her lungs. "What is she talking about?_"_

"A long time ago, when I was ten, my father was out for a power grab," Zuko said, wishing he could just burn the whole diary and forget any of these things ever happened. "He wanted the throne to pass to him, since my Uncle had lost his only son and his line was ended. It's...it's complicated, but my grandfather was so enraged, that he wanted my father to suffer the same fate Uncle had."

"To lose a son." Katara understood, and gripped his shoulder.

"He didn't go through with it, obviously. But he wanted to. My mother stepped in, eventually."

"I'm sorry."

Zuko sighed, closed his eyes, and leaned his head on Katara's like she was the only one capable of keeping him up. Expecting her to complain and preparing to blame his raging emotions and inner turmoil, Zuko gritted his teeth_._ But she didn't complain; rather, she put another arm around him and held him there for a while, her forehead nuzzled into his shoulder.

"Do you want to keep going?" she asked.

For a second, he thought she was referring to their physical contact, and he was about to respond with a resounding _YES _when he realized she was talking about Azula's diary.

"No," he said. "I think the rest...it probably just gets worse."

Katara nodded against him. "Okay," she said, and started rubbing circles in his back. Her hand trailed up and she started playing with the scruff of his hair, tugging at the ends slightly. _Spirits I love you_.

"Katara..." he murmured softly, dragging his forehead across hers so that they were eye to eye. "Last week, we..."

He wanted to tell her then, he wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he couldn't imagine himself _without _her, and that he was altogether a huge mess and she was the only one who could consistently make him feel a little better about his life, but that _stupid promise to Aang_ tugged at his conscious, and he knew deep down that to break that promise would be dishonorable. _But I was lying, I was lying when I made that promise._

"Never mind," was all he said, and stood up. Katara sighed. She stood up too, and walked up beside him, her hand resting lightly on his arm.

"I only have a fraction of an idea of what's going through your mind at any given time," she said quietly, "and to be honest, I barely even know what's going through mine. But when this war is over, and when everything is the way it should be again- then will you tell me?"

Zuko nodded stiffly. "Yes."

"Good," Katara brushed back a piece of hair from his face. "Because I'll have something to tell you, too."

And spirits above, Katara stood up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. Stunned, Zuko froze to the ground and felt her fingers slip through his until she was gone.

_Wait_, he wanted to say, so she would stop and turn around, so he could grab her by the shoulders and kiss her. The desperation of it welled up in his throat and almost surmounted in a cry, but he stopped himself.

Stupid promises made him let her go.

* * *

A/N: Basically, Zuko is a sillypants.

I want to talk about Aang for a bit, because I realize this story doesn't exactly show him in the best light. I think Aang is great; he's silly and goofy and those are admirable qualities. But since this is a story centered around Zuko, and Zuko is the type to get annoyed at silliness and goofiness, Aang is going to come off as an annoying cockblock (which he is, a bit). Zuko doesn't really hate Aang for feeling the way he does, because he gets it. He's just annoyed that things are transpiring the way they are, and he really does treasure Aang's friendship (although he would never ever say so to anyone). This is about where HONOR comes in, because Zuko makes that promise to Aang and he knows it's the HONORABLE thing to do, and we all know how Zuko gets about things like that. So the point of what I'm trying to say is that I don't hate Aang, and the point of all of this is definitely not to make anyone else hate Aang (or Mai for that matter, I really love Mai and I'll get to her eventually).

I have a lot of feelings about Azula also, and I think their sibling relationship is one of the most interesting things on the show. I probably won't get too into it, but the diary bits were just my way of trying to show that Azula _sort of does care_ about her brother, and doesn't _actually_ want him dead (although she does a terrible job of convincing anyone otherwise).

And I can't believe you guys let me get away with coming this far and barely mentioning Uncle Iroh ldsslfjdkfj oops.

Thanks for the reviews, I always love hearing what you guys have to say! Don't be afraid to leave me your opinions, I love your opinions. In the next chapter, there will be cooking, Zuko will finally get his answer from Sokka, and he and Aang will have the Ozai Talk.


	7. Roasting: The Solution to Everything

A/N: Hi guys! Here's A CHAPTER! It's with deep regret that I have to say that I _lied to you_ last week, because the things I said would happen in this chapter have been pushed back a bit for reasons. So I'm 1. sorry for lying 2. it's because I'm at the point where I'm writing new material for every chapter and 3. I really only have a vague idea of what's going on anymore.

So here's A CHAPTER!

* * *

The next few days weren't very fun.

Sokka seemed to sense that something had happened, because he was acting very strangely around Zuko. Every look he gave him was a '_what's going on? Somethings going on, tell me, I must know'_ look. Zuko always met these with various glares that shut him down pretty efficiently, but he must have been feeling particularly nosy today because he _wouldn't leave Zuko alone_.

Zuko was drying dishes in the kitchen when Sokka approached him for the hundredth time that day. He had Toph with him.

"Something's bothering you," he said, very matter of factly.

"Yeah, _you_ are."

Sokka ignored this. "What did Katara say to you the other night?"

Zuko glared at him, but he didn't budge. Toph motioned at him with a '_get out with it already_' gesture.

"She didn't say anything," he muttered, turning back to the dishes. Sokka turned to Toph.

"Lying," she exclaimed. Zuko gritted his teeth.

"_Sokka." _It was unfair, _extremely _unfair, that Sokka had opted to use Toph's magic feet against him. He tried to give her a grumpy look, to show that he disapproved immensely, but his grumpy looks were never effective on Toph.

"Ooh, he's getting annoyed."

"Can you guys leave it alone?" he said with a fair bit of exasperation. "I think I've made it clear that I don't want to talk about this."

"Lying."

"I'm not lying!"

"Lying."

Zuko just grumbled in frustration while the two looked very smugly at him. "When you're done _ganging up on me_, I have actual things to do. I'm not wasting my time with this anymore."

"Did you tell her you like her?" Sokka asked. Zuko glared.

"_No__."_

Toph nudged Sokka in the ribs. "Oh good, he's telling the truth now."

"_Guys."_

"Okay, fine," Sokka relented, holding up his hands as if to say 'I give up.' "You don't want to talk about it, and you don't want to tell her how you feel. But if you're not going to, then..." his face lit up gleefully, "_I will!"_

"He's telling the truth," Toph added in a smug whisper.

"Sokka," Zuko warned in a dangerous voice as Sokka started to move. "_Sokka..."_

"KATAAAARA!" he called, and ran.

"_SOKKA_," bellowed Zuko in turn, tearing after him wildly through the hallways. All Toph did was laugh, but her laugh was drowned out by the sound of the thrumming in Zuko's ears. "_YOU GET BACK HERE."_

He chased Sokka all the way throughout the house, up and down staircases, in and out of rooms. It was clear that Sokka thought this was the _most hilarious thing_, but Zuko didn't see it that way. Tapestries were ripped, feet scrambled at floors, and Zuko was pretty sure he knocked at least three people over.

Eventually, he caught a real glimpse of fear in Sokka's eyes, and decided that was suitable enough. So Zuko stopped, panted, and decided to glare at him until he relented. Sokka slowed to a halt, and leaned forward, his hands on his knees.

"Alright, alright," Sokka surrendered, his breath heavy. There was a stupid grin on his face. "No need to incinerate me."

With a start, Zuko realized his hands were on fire. "Damnit," he grumbled, putting the heat out. He was always _doing_ that, much to the annoyance of everyone around him, he was sure. Sokka shrugged it off.

"You know," Sokka told him, leaning up against the wall with an air of nonchalance. "I _could_ talk to her, if you wanted me to. I could be _very inconspicuous."_

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Zuko wasn't sure.

However, it seemed like Sokka was _so eager to do this _that he missed out on the sarcasm entirely. His entire face lit up in irrepressible glee.

"Really? I totally will!"

Quickly Zuko shook his head, and repeated a hurried _no no no nononono _until Sokka stopped grinning. He shrugged.

"Whatever you say," he sighed with a fair bit of disappointment. Zuko grumbled.

"Why are you so eager to set me up with your sister?" he demanded. "I've asked you a hundred times, and you never give me a straight answer."

"Zuko Zuko Zuko," Sokka tutted, clicking his tongue. "Some questions don't need answers. It's part of the mystery."

"The mystery."

"Totally."

"It's about Boiling Rock, isn't it." It wasn't a question. At the statement, Sokka shifted a little and scratched his shoulder.

"_What?_ Are you crazy?" he threw a hand aside, but there was a shifty look in his eyes that Zuko found very suspicious. He was about to call him out on this, when Toph came up behind him.

"Hotpants," she declared. "Katara wants you. _In more ways than one_," she added, jabbing him in the ribs with a _very pointy elbow._

_ "Ow_," complained Zuko, scowling. "And would you cut it out with the _wanting _thing?You're...you're too young for that."

"That's what you think!" she called after him, but he was already gone. He'd gone to find Katara, because it really didn't matter what way it was she _wanted _him. If she wanted him, he knew he would be there, pathetically in love as he was. If she wanted him to kneel on the ground so she could stand on his back to reach something, he would do it for her. If she wanted him to brush her hair and talk about _her_ feelings for a change, he would in a heartbeat. If all she wanted was one embrace, that's all he would give her.

_Spirits, I'm stupid_.

She was in the kitchen.

"I can't light this," she said, standing over some complicated looking device, looking rather frazzled. "Aang says it's supposed to cook food, but he's..." she made a fluttery sort of walking motion with her hand, "_off _somewhere. It has to be heated somehow."

"Yeah, I don't think I can help you with that," Zuko crossed his arms and frowned at her with a great deal of sarcasm. Katara just looked at him blankly.

"But you're a...firebender."

_Would you stop trying to make jokes already. You were not built for humor._ "Yeah, that was the...joke, whatever. I can probably get it going."

She gave him that familiar little amused smile, and when he caught it, he found himself just _mesmerized_ by it. The right corner of her lip lifted, causing the slightest crease in her skin. Blue eyes stared at him, gentle, _kind. _"Zuko?" Her voice was soft. Zuko just nodded, as if he were trying to say _yes, I'm here_, but then the unavoidable awkwardness started to rise in his throat, and he turned to the appliance before he said something stupid like _sorry I was just staring because you...had a bug on your face _or _you happen to be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I'm in love with you so let me kiss you please_.

Katara accepted his decision to say nothing, and looked to the appliance herself.

"See, there's coils here," she pointed, "and they have to be heated from here. I tried to find some spark rocks, but I guess you don't have a need for that, huh?" she smirked a little, and he managed to smirk back.

"No, not really." He crouched down and opened the little door. "Just stand back."

She did, and with an exhale and a swift jab, Zuko set a fire in the inner workings of the machine. Katara sighed in relief.

"Thanks," she said, and handed him a spoon. _Why is she always doing that_? "Can you help me with the rest of dinner?"

"Uh...yeah," he said. "Of course."

"Here," she handed him a bowl full of weird looking squishy things. Disturbed by how much they _squished_, Zuko wrinkles his nose. Katara didn't notice, and said, "I need you to boil these."

"What..._are they_?"

"Sea prunes," she told him briskly, and scowled at him when he made a face. "I'm sorry, do they _gross you out_?"

"They're just a little...weird."

"So are you, but you don't see me making gross faces about it," she said, a haughty but playful tone in her voice. "Just boil them."

"I don't think boiling them will make them look any better."

"Oh, so now you're the expert on sea prunes?"

"I'm just saying, I think they'd be better if you, I don't know, _roasted_ them or something." He cast the bowl of prunes another glance, and regretted it instantly. They were just _too squishy_. Katara put her hands on her hips and looked at him.

"Why, because roasting things is the Fire Nation's solution to everything?"

"No," he scowled, and paused. "_Maybe. _But that's not the point, I actually think it would _improve them_."

Katara didn't seem convinced, so Zuko gritted his teeth and reached for one of the squishy blobs Katara seemed to think was food. He held it up, and shot a fire ball at it _very pointedly_. With a mild interest masked poorly by scorn, Katara watched. When he was done, he held the result out. It didn't _seem_ as bad, but it still looked pretty gross. In his opinion, it needed about five thousand times more roasting, but he figured not everyone liked their food half burned.

Cautiously she removed the prune from his hand, and brought it to her lips even more slowly.

"It's..." she paused, smelling it.

"It would need salt, or something," he explained hastily. "I'm not a cook, I don't know, I just burn things and think they taste good, so..."

He was cut off by her laugh. "Of _course_ that's how you cook," she smiled, shaking her head. She took a bite, and mulled it over as she chewed. "It's alright. You can roast half of them if you_ need _to..." (she rolled her eyes as she said this), "but I still want you to boil the other half."

_Anything you want, I'll do_.

"Whatever you say," he mumbled, a little smile flitting over his face. Katara bent some water into a pot, and Zuko dumped a little less than half of the prunes into it. If Katara noticed, she didn't say anything. He knew he could get the water going faster if he just _boiled it himself, _but when he tried, Katara just swatted him away and told him that wasn't _the right way to do it_. A little miffed and a little bewildered, he just went back to roasting.

"Do we need a salad?" she asked thoughtfully, tapping her lips with a forefinger.

"Why would we need salad?"

"Because it's healthy," she said, "and Aang likes it. He won't eat the sea prunes."

"Oh, _oh_-" Zuko held his hands up and took a step back. "Well if _Aang_ doesn't like them, then by all means, we should provide him with an alternative."

She gave him an appraising look.

"I'm letting you burn half of them, that should be good enough for you."

Zuko gave a great show of rolling his eyes, and Katara just laughed a little and jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

It wasn't fair.

Even that, that _stupid little gesture_ sent palpitations through his heart, it made every one of his veins shudder. It pained him to have her so close, so _familiar_. He hated the way she laughed and jabbed him in the ribs, because he just loved it too much. Maybe Katara could sense that his heart was beating just a little too fast, or that his skin was heating just a little too much, because she lingered. She stayed right next to him, where her scent was caught in Zuko's nose and her movements couldn't be seen so much as _felt_.

Her lips twisted to the side then, in a wry sort of way. Zuko thought of it as an odd way of saying something like _look at us. Two people, held apart by nothing but air_.

Nothing but air.

"The boiling is probably done," he said, his voice a little gruff, as if he had to rip it from the very depths of himself. "Boiling the prunes."

"The boiling is done boiling the prunes?" she repeated back at him, amused.

"You know what I meant."

Upon inspection, Katara decided that the prunes were, in fact done, and she held out her now completed salad.

"Does this look good to you?"

"It looks like salad."

"_You know what I meant_," Katara repeated at him, waving the bowl under his nose. "Does it look good?"

"Yeah, it's fine," he said, pushing it back towards her. "Good job on the...salad."

He considered, for a moment, the idea of him and Katara working in the kitchen together, as they'd been doing. He considered the idea of them doing this every night, how _easy _it was. Whenever he said something stupid, she just sort of smiled at him in a _you're hopeless_ kind of way. Her nose would scrunch at him, and it really was one of the cutest things she did.

He imagined Mai, standing in the corner, her arms crossed stiffly, her eyes glued to something in the distance. He would say something stupid, and Mai would just shake her head at him, as if she were wondering how she could have possibly ended up with someone as stupid as him. Of course, he knew Mai was complicated, and he was complicated, and hell, Katara was complicated, but Katara was complicated in ways that were _far easier to understand_.

Katara must have sensed he was thinking about her again, because she stiffened a little and gave him a look.

"Where is she?" she asked in a low voice. "Mai?"

"Mai?" Zuko tried to sound offhanded. "She's...she's in the Boiling Rock. Where your dad was," he added as clarification. "Azula had her kept there, with Ty Lee."

"Yeah," Katara nodded slowly. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," he said, the guilt coming back. "I should have gone back for her, huh?"

"You did what you had to do," she told him. "It wasn't worth the risk."

"Sokka thought Suki was worth the risk."

Katara gave him a look of sympathy. "Don't beat yourself up about it. If Sokka recounted the story accurately, which I'm not entirely sure he did, then you did everything you could."

"Maybe." Zuko paused. "She was always...tricky."

"She's beautiful," Katara said in a small, almost sad voice. Zuko looked at her.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "Yeah."

There was a bit of an awkward silence, in which Zuko scratched at the back of his neck and stared at a spot on the floor. _Yeah_, Mai was beautiful, but she was also cold to the point of _unreason. _She listened to him, but she also _complained _about it. She was always bored, always quiet, never quite happy. Never quite happy himself, Zuko just didn't need that.

He could have told Katara all of that, but he just stared at the floor.

After a while, she spoke, still holding the salad in her hands. "Can I tell you something?"

His voice was rough. "Of course."

She shifted uneasily, her knuckles white on the handles of the bowl. "I know Aang likes me," she said to him, not meeting his eyes. "And I know he expects me to be with him. But what if I don't think that's right?" she raised her eyes to Zuko's. "What if...what if I just don't like him?"

His breath lodged in his throat, Zuko tried to speak as clearly as possible. "It's not about what he wants. It's about what _you_ want."

She nodded, her lips twisting. "He's a great kid."

"He's a _great _kid," Zuko added. "But..."

_A bit annoying_.

Katara looked at him carefully. "Can I tell you something else?"

_A breath_. "Yeah."

"I don't think you should be with Mai either, just because you feel like you should."

The breath inside him stammered, stuck, and fizzled out completely. Simply breathless he looked back at her, unable to grasp her words completely.

"I know," was all he said before he looked back down at the ground. Vaguely he felt it, fingertips brushing his. He felt desperation in there somewhere, but he didn't know who it was coming from, him or Katara. Maybe it was both.

There was a beat.

"The salad looks good," he said, pointing to it.

It was like a physical reaction, the way Katara pulled herself together. The way she looked down, looked up at him, straightened her back and drew her face before putting on a smile, it was all there. The look of having done that a hundred, if not a thousand times; the gesture of _I'm okay_.

He was well practiced at it.

"Good," Katara put it on the table. "If you just put out dishes, we should be all set for dinner."

She called for the rest of the group. As predicted by everyone, Sokka came first, bashing through the doorway.

"Meat?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"Sea prunes," Katara clarified. "Boiled!"

"And roasted," Zuko added quickly. "The roasted ones are better."

Sokka eyed them both suspiciously, but then the suspicious look turned into a sly grin.

"Were you two having a little _cooking battle_?" he asked as Suki and Toph came up behind them. "That's _very cute_."

"Sokka," Katara said in an admonishing tone, "they're just sea prunes prepared two different ways, I'm sure they're both equally good." she looked at Zuko out of the corner of her eye, and then looked back at Sokka. "Although the boiled ones _are_ better."

"I think we'll let _Sokka_ decide that," Zuko said with a scowl. "Try one."

He pushed the bowl of roasted prunes towards him, but Katara pushed the bowl of boiled ones closer. Zuko grumbled and pushed his closer.

"Okay, okay, calm down," Sokka sat down and picked up his chopsticks. "I'm sure they're both good. I'm mean...it's _food_."

"What _is_ it?" Toph asked, ignoring her manners (Toph's natural attitude for her manners was one of disdain). "It _seems_ slimy, although I guess I can't really tell."

Zuko started to say _the roasted ones aren't slimy_, but Katara cut him off by jabbing him in the ribs again.

"They look great," Suki beamed, but it was a lie (albeit a very well disguised one).

Aang came in, a very excited expression on his face, but this was deflated immediately upon the sight of sea prunes on the table.

"Is that it?"

"I made a salad," Katara sat down and showed him. He brightened a bit, and sat down next to her.

"You're the best at making salad," he said, before leaning over to peer into the bowl of roasted prunes. "Those ones don't look so bad!"

Katara scowled.

After a few minutes of silence and chewing, Sokka started to speak. Zuko was vaguely disappointed that what he had to say didn't have anything to do with the quality of either kind of prune.

"So I think we really need to start getting down to the wire on this whole 'fighting the Fire Lord thing,"" he said, his mouth full of food. "And we're running out of supplies."

"We don't have much money left," Katara said, before her eyes drifted over to Zuko.

"What?"

"I mean...this is _your _house," she ventured carefully. "I'm _assuming_ you're, you know...rich, right?"

Zuko turned red.

"I guess, yeah," he muttered. "But I highly doubt my dad keeps all his money in his _beach house. _And if he did, I don't know where it would even be."

"That's okay, I suppose it's not fair for us to you know...ask you for money," she said a little sheepishly.

"What, I'm sure he doesn't care!" Sokka said loudly. "Spend all the Fire Lord's money, that's a great way to drain the Fire Nation's resources!"

"Believe me, I'd help if I could," Zuko put in, frowning at Sokka a bit, "but I just don't think there's any money here."

"Yeah, I already looked," Toph said casually, her feet on the table.

Surprised, Zuko turned to look at her. "Isn't your family the richest in the Earth Kingdom? You _have_ money."

"Not with me!"

"No one is using anyone's money," interrupted Katara, who looked like she regretted bringing it up in the first place. "Forget I said anything."

There was a pause.

"But we still need stuff," said Sokka, practical as always. "Where are we going to get it?"

Zuko looked at him, and then to Aang, who usually had some sort of idea during situations like this. Instead he just shrugged, a piece of lettuce sticking out of his mouth.

"Usually when we need stuff, I just play the Avatar card. But for some reason, I don't think that'll work so well in the Fire Nation."

"Maybe..." Zuko started to formulate an idea that involved a little _sneaking around_ and _stealing_, but he stopped himself. _Those days are over_. _I'm not that person anymore_.

But they were running out of food, and it seemed like there was no other option.

"I'll figure something out," he said, pushed his plate away, and stood up. This caused a few suspicious glares, but he was so used to that by now, he figured he would have been more weirded it out if _no one_ had given him a suspicious look.

_Besides, no one had to find out_.

Silently he slipped into his room, knowing it would be seconds before Katara came in and started asking him what was going on. There was no time for deliberation, if he was going to do it, he _had to go do it now_.

He was halfway into his black pants when Katara came barging in.

With a strangled cry he fell over at the sudden noise, his legs tangled in fabric. She covered her eyes and blushed furiously while he grappled awkwardly with his pants.

"Katara, what are you doing?" he asked in a rush, scrambling back to his feet.

"I could ask you the same," she said, regaining her composure and raising an eyebrow at him. "Off for a little walk?"

"These are...pajamas."

"No they're not," she said, "you sleep in your clothes, I've _seen_ you."

"That's only because...you've _seen me_? When have you _seen me_?"

"I'm just saying," she said quickly, briefly turning red again. Her arms crossed. "I know what you're planning to do, and I don't think it's a good idea."

"Do you want to go hungry?"

"_No_, I just..." she paused, and gave him that weird sad look he still hadn't quite figured out yet. "It just seems like a regression to me."

"I'm not regressing, I'm keeping everyone from starving. And you heard Sokka, it wouldn't hurt to drain the Fire Nation's resources a little."

"Literally _everything Sokka says is sarcastic," _she stressed, "and _shouldn't _be taken seriously. I thought you put this sort of thing behind you!"

"I did," he said stiffly. "But sometimes extreme measures have to be taken."

But she didn't seem so sure. She shifted uncomfortably in Zuko's doorway, her fingers scratching at her arm. Katara looked down at the floor, her shoulders slumped.

"It just seems like, you know...the _old_ Zuko. Not you."

Her voice was small, and it nearly shattered his heart into a million pieces, but he held his ground.

"I'm not changing. Not again." Katara bit her lip. "But I'm getting food for us. You know we need it."

Still not convinced, Katara looked at him with worried eyes. "And what if someone catches you?"

He gave her a small smile. "No one ever does."

There was a silence as she chewed everything over. With bated breath Zuko waited, needing to hear her permission.

But she ended up giving him a lot more than that.

"Then I'm coming with you," she said firmly. "And that is _not_," she pointed at him, "up for debate."

Confused, Zuko found it hard to formulate the words he wanted. "But I thought you didn't..."

"It's just better if I come," she said, and disappeared. Dumbstruck, there was little Zuko could do but stand there and gape and the doorway until she came back. And when she did, he felt his heart burn though his feet and all the way down to what he was sure was the very core of the earth itself.

She was beautiful in blue, and Zuko had always found her to be _stunning_ in red, but there was just _something_ about that all black ensemble that made his head spin. The fabric clung to her legs, her hips, her _breasts_, and he found himself staring _completely by accident._

"Zuko?" she snapped in his face to bring his attention back to her face. "Are we going, or are we just going to stand here and..._stare _at each other?"

Zuko knew he'd be perfectly happy with the second option, but he agreed that they should leave anyway.

With the briefest exchange of glances, the two of them slipped out of the window and into the night.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews, I really like knowing what your opinions on this are! Someone pointed out that there isn't much in the way of plot (hahahaha oops) and that's because 1. I'm not super great at plot 2. characters has always been more important than plot for me 3. I'm just trying to fill in the space while they're at Ember Island, so I don't think too much is happening? But I am trying my very hardest to get some plot up in here besides the 'Zuko has feelings' plot. If there's anything you guys would like to see in particular, you can let me know and I'll try my darndest to make it happen. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS about Zuko's feelings (come follow me on tumblr so we can talk about Zuko's feelings)

In the NEXT CHAPTER, Zuko and Katara go on a mission of justified thievery, there are antics, and Zuko's feelings nearly push him to the limit.

maybe I should just rename this fic 'Zuko's feelings' because I swear I just said that a hundred times (edit: kidding kidding kidding that would be a silly name)


	8. The Never Ending Tale of Zuko's Stomping

A/N: Amidst all of the chaos, I managed to finish a chapter! This is a chapter which has 1. ninja adventures 2. mortification 3. continued adventures of Zuko's hormones and 4. stomping (as always).

* * *

In the silence of everything, Zuko could hear Katara's exhales so loudly, he could feel them crawl into his ear and settle deep in his gut somewhere. It was like he didn't even need to watch her to know what she was doing; he could just _sense _her there, moving and breathing and doing that glorious thing she did called _existing_.

"So where are we going?" Katara asked him, her voice muffled by the fabric drawn over her mouth. If it was easy to tell where she was, it was even easier to tell how tense she was. It wasn't fear, and it wasn't even really anxiety, it was more of a trepidation, a reluctance to cross that line Zuko was now so familiar with.

It felt like he'd been going over it, back and forth, for years.

"We'll be fine," he reassured her in a hushed voice. "I know exactly where we're going; there's plenty of food, and plenty of people who don't deserve it and _won't_ miss it a bit."

Katara seemed to accept this, and nodded quickly in confirmation. So Zuko started moving.

"Stay close," he whispered. Katara exhaled.

"Right," she whispered back, staying right beside him. Anyone else would have stayed right in his shadow, would have clung right behind him, but Katara stayed beside him like a near mirror image, perfectly in tune to his movements, perfectly in tuned to his mind and his motions. If he skirted closer to a wall she did the same, if she dropped to the ground he dropped with her, if she turned her head to shush him, he was already doing it to her.

"So where is this place?" she asked as they traveled quickly to the other side of the island. Zuko climbed easily up a low wall and perched on the top, looking over the landscape.

"It's not on this island," he said. "It's on the mainland. We'll have to cross the water somehow."

Katara climbed up next to him. "I don't think that'll be a problem," she said, giving him a sly little look. "Good thing you have me," and she hopped down to the other side and headed for the beach.

"Yeah," Zuko murmured under his breath, watching her for just a second. "Good thing I have you."

And he hopped down and followed her.

Once they reached the water, Katara froze a sheet of ice and pulled Zuko onto it, her grip firm and commanding. Working her arms in a small but furious windmill motion, she rocketed the two of them to the mainland.

Zuko watched her in silent amazement. When he'd first seen her waterbending, she was...terrible. It was obvious she'd had no prior training, and she was barely a match for _anyone_. But suddenly, inexplicably, she'd become _amazing_. Never in all his life had Zuko seen anything like it, and as he watched her, he just marveled at her skill, at her strength.

Traveling the rushing waters reminded him strongly of the southern raiders, and for once, a feeling that wasn't bitter or guilty rose in his chest. This time, he wasn't trying to apologize for something nearly beyond forgiveness. She wasn't looking for revenge. She'd given him no dirty looks (a significant improvement to the last time), and it was just the two of them, on a mission _together_.

The word _together _stirred feelings in Zuko's chest, and he ignored them as best he could. He couldn't let his own beating heart give them away; the compromise of their mission could mean the end of it for both of them.

When they reached the mainland, Katara hopped off easily, and Zuko followed.

"Come on," he said with a whisper, and led her down through the alleyways of tightly packed houses. "We're pretty close to the palace, so be careful. Keep on the lookout for guards."

Katara nodded, and stayed close to Zuko as he skimmed walls and kept a fierce lookout. He started to worry, not about himself, but about _Katara_; what if she was caught? They _were_ close to the palace, _too_ close to the palace. Azula, his dad. countless guards and elite firebenders were in there, and here he was, dragging her into the thick of it. Wanting to put as much space between them and the palace, he turned a sharp corner and led her down a winding path.

When he stopped by the side of a house and cupped his hands together, Katara understood completely. She let him boost her up to the roof, and held her hand down to pull him up once she was up herself.

"It's not far from here," Zuko muttered, looking around.

"Where?"

"It's a storage barn," he told her, taking great care to keep his voice low. He leaned closer to her and whispered the words in her ear, all the time aware of how she shivered and pressed closer to him in the chilly night air. "Where all the 'important' people keep stores of food. Royal court people mostly, like my father's advisors and councilmen. It's not just food though, I hear they keep weapons in there. Weapons and raw materials, stuff like that. It could be useful."

"Okay," Katara nodded, her eyes flashing. "Are there guards?"

"Naturally. We'll have to take them down as silently as we can." He looked at her then, his gaze piercing in the dim light. "However way you want to do that."

He hadn't mentioned it since it happened, but it was impossible for him to forget. He'd seen her that night, fury and blood shaking in her eyes. He saw the solider, completely at the mercy of her movements. He didn't know _how_ she'd done that, but all he knew was that it was pretty cool, if not a little disturbing, and there was no refuting the fact that it would be useful.

Katara must have known was he was getting at, because her shoulders slumped a bit.

"Not that way," she said softly, but firmly. "I don't...I don't do that anymore."

He didn't question it. It didn't seem fair to, and when her eyes fell to the ground and twisted in guilt, he regretted suggesting it with a fierce pang. "All right," he nodded, fingers brushing her arm. "That's fair. But we need a way to take them out without making any noise."

"I have something else in mind," she said, and looked back at him for a second. "The bloodbending...just feels wrong. I don't...I don't want to regress either."

"That's why we're both here," he told cautiously in what he hoped was a reassuring tone, "to keep the other from going too far."

"Yeah," she said slowly. Zuko imagined a small smile on her lips. "You're right."

They nodded at each other once, and hopped to the next rooftop, as swift as cats.

When the storage barn came into view, Zuko stopped moving and pulled Katara back by the wrist. "There," he murmured, keeping her close. There were guards patrolling around the perimeter, each with spears. Katara's eyes narrowed.

"I need water," she said, and pointed to the waterskins she had strapped around her body. "More than this."

"There," Zuko pointed to a grate. "Those channels run underneath the whole capital. It's a good source of power."

Katara shook her head a bit at that, and Zuko looked at her. "What?"

"It's just weird," she said, "that the Fire Nation is on this rampage about how great and superior they are, but they're still depending on other elements."

"Yeah," he said gruffly. "They're not so great as they think they are. Now come on."

"Are they firebenders?" she asked of the guards when they were close.

"Most likely," was Zuko's answer. "So be prepared."

She nodded, and got into a stance. Zuko put a hand on his swords, his knuckles white. He told her to wait, and she did, breath bated.

When two of the three guards crossed paths, she gave a mighty push of her arms into the air, and a wave of water rushed with her. Swiftly, she enveloped the guards and froze them there, their faces halted mid scream. A frozen, clawed hand stuck out of the edge and grasped for her. She skirted away with a shiver, bumping into Zuko as she did so.

"Come on," now it was _Katara's _turn to pull at his wrist. "That won't hold them forever."

They ran for the other guard then, and when he saw them, he turned in surprise.

"Hey!" he called, pointing his spear in their direction. "This is private property!"

"Sorry," Zuko growled, unsheathing his swords. "But we're in a hurry." He rammed the hilts into the guards stomach, and gave him a swift kick to the head to send him down.

"Okay," Katara said, watching the man's twitching figure. "Now what?"

"Now we get inside," he said, turning to the door. He started to attempt picking the lock with the point of his sword, but Katara pushed him aside.

"This is why you have me," she said, and froze water onto the lock. When she hit it, it shattered, and the door swung open. They rushed inside, aware of how little time they had before the other two guards unfroze and alerted someone.

"Wow," Katara pulled the fabric away from her mouth and looked around; there were tremendous stacks of food _everywhere_, in crates, in sacks, all piled up to the enormously high ceiling. There was some old scaffolding near the ceiling, pieces of construction no one had bothered to remove. Zuko could see it would be easy to climb the stacks of supplies and get up there, if they needed to hide, and kept that in the front of his mind in case it was necessary. "You really weren't kidding."

"No," Zuko said, tossing her a sack. "I wasn't. Now hurry up, we need to get back before we get caught."

The shiver of fear of being caught passed through both of them, and they caught each other's eyes.

"We'll grab what we can," Katara told him, "and get back to the island."

They began shoving food into their bags, taking anything that looked light and easy to carry. At one point, Zuko caught Katara trying to put an entire watermelon in hers, but he stopped her.

"You're going to carry that all the way back?"

"I like watermelon!"

But she ended up putting it back.

The silence was tense, so Zuko concentrated on the thrumming sound in his ears. There was a fear of being caught, of course, but there was also the thrill of thievery. It was something that had to be treated cautiously, he knew, but there was n denying the fact that he felt a great satisfaction from taking things, especially if they were things people didn't deserve.

There was also the undeniable thrill of being with Katara, who seemed to secretly revel in this as much as he did. In the deep space of the barn, her little exhales soared and filled his ears like rushing water. When he backed up, he accidentally bumped into her, and she startled.

"Sorry," she said in a rush, "I wasn't...I wasn't watching."

"It's okay," he told her as she turned to face him. "I wasn't either."

"So..." she looked around. "I think I have enough food, and I picked up some things we can use until the comet. Insulated blankets, some coins, and this cool scabbard for your...swords..."

She trailed off, because Zuko had taken her hand, and was running a gloved thumb slowly over palm. Desperately he held her there, as if he were afraid she'd repel his touch and tell him off. But she didn't; rather, she just stood there and grasped his hand cautiously, breath shivering from her lungs.

His name was a whisper in her throat. "Zuko."

He didn't even say anything back; he _couldn't_. Staying perfectly still, careful to not frighten her away he stayed, doing nothing but holding her hand and pleading with her eyes. Katara only looked back at him, her eyes hopeful and sad.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," she said after a while. He understood. _This isn't about you two_, Aang had said. Aang was the hero, and the hero got the girl. He was supposed to carry her off into the sunset, Zuko was never supposed to be there.

But he was.

Filled with the urge to just kiss her and get it over with, Zuko swallowed. _It would be so easy_, he thought_, and she has to want it as much as I do. _It was all there, the way she pressed closer to him, they way she eyed his lips, the way her heart hammered in her chest. There was electricity all over her body.

He would kiss her, if he could. He would envelop her in his arms, bury his face in the nest of her hair, eliminate any and all spaces between them. He'd kiss her, fiercely, desperately, and she'd fall into him just like he'd always pictured. There in that storage barn he'd finally taste her, finally feel her lips against his. He wanted to push her against a wall, he wanted to feel the heat of her body, he wanted her hips and her breath and her hands, _her hands_.

Her hand clutched his, and she sighed.

"We should go," she said quietly, eyes falling to their hands. "Those guards could be free any second."

A breath. "Hold on," Zuko said, his brain and reason finally overpowered. He was driven by something entirely else now, the thundering in his ears, the wanting in his chest, the _heat_ in his pants. Without breathing he cupped her face in his hands, letting his fingers slip over her skin. Katara just waited.

And Zuko knew exactly _for what_.

If the guards hadn't burst in at that moment, he would have. With tremendous guilt he would have kissed her, he would have done everything if she had let him. There was no telling where he might have gone, if the guards hadn't come in, yelling and thrashing fire in their direction. Katara yelped, and the surprise of it pulled her away from him.

"Watch out," he cried as a whip of fire nearly missed her head. "Katara!"

"I'm fine," she yelled, ducking and weaving through the attacks. Zuko unsheathed his swords and flew at them, taking care not to firebend. It wasn't _every_ boy with a scar over their left eye, and giving up his position was the last thing he wanted to do.

Zuko swung a kick at the guard, missing by less than an inch. The guard weaved and approached him from behind, but Katara was there before any blows could be struck. Without a word Zuko took her by the hand and dragged her upwards, jumping easily from one crate of food to the next, until they were on top of one of the large stacks. Katara looked at him questioningly, but he put a finger to his lips and jumped up into the rafters.

The guards, in their confusion, had missed all this. They were looking wildly around, stupidly, but their eyes never travelled to the two benders perched in the rafters. Zuko headed to the scaffolding, where there was a small, enclosed space (possibly a lift, or something of the sort) that he knew they could take refuge in. Zuko dropped into it first, but Katara hesitated.

"_They'll see you_," he mouthed at her, and seconds before the guards eyes turned to that corner of the ceiling, she lifted her legs over the sides and slipped in, barely missing their attention.

It was in that moment that Zuko realized _just how small of a space this was_.

Katara must have realized too, because her face had flushed. The thing about Katara, Zuko had noticed, was that she didn't turn _embarrassingly bright red_ like he did, instead her cheeks just adopted a pinkness, a subtle heat and warmth that _never_ went unnoticed by him. He looked at her for a second, and then looked away, feeling that _incredible redness_ coming to his own face.

"How long do you think we have to wait?" she asked eventually, her words cautious and clinging to her tongue. "I don't want anyone to worry."

"I don't know," he said, moving to look over the edge. In doing so, he felt his body shift against hers. _Spirits_. "It could...it could be a while_._"

"How long of a while?"

"Well..." he frowned, considering the answer. A thought turned into his head, a thought more on the _devious _side of things as far as these things were concerned; Zuko had his fair share of devious activity in the past, and while continuing to act in such a manner didn't particularly seem like a good thing to do, he was a teenage boy in a small space with a beautiful girl and _spirits be damned if he wasn't going to stretch that time out a little longer. _

"They might have raised the alarm. If they have, it'll take about fifteen...thirty minutes for the backup to get here." _There's no backup. _"And even then..." he shrugged, "who knows."

"Alright," she said a bit uncertainly, shifting uncomfortably. "I guess we'll just have to wait."

There would be enough space, Zuko observed, for both of them to sit comfortably without touching if they hadn't the bags of food in there with them. As it were, Katara was wedged between a shallow wall and his torso, so that every time she moved, her breasts would push against his arm and make him all _red faced. _Keeping very silent, she tried turning to face him, but there was no space for her to face him unless she _was sitting on his lap_, so she ended up half scrunched in a corner, half _on Zuko_, her legs crossed to one side of his body.

The feeling of her thighs wasn't any less _red faced inducing _than her breasts were, and Zuko felt himself start to sweat. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea._

He chanced a peek over the edge, and the guards were still sniffing around suspiciously.

"We're stuck here?" Katara asked.

"Yeah," he confirmed, swallowing and looking back at her.

"I didn't even tell Sokka I was going somewhere," she said, muttering and rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. "He's probably so worried, and Aang..."

"I'm sure they know you can handle yourself," Zuko told her, taking care to keep his voice low. Katara gave him a small smile and nodded.

"I hope so."

They fell into silence again. Zuko, as he was like to do, found himself distracted by the overwhelming _tightness of Katara's clothes_ and her _heat_ and the general scent of her body and her hair and her skin and _everything_. He inhaled, trying to make it seem like he _wasn't_ trying to drown himself in her scent, her being, like he _didn't_ depend entirely on her presence and her words and her gentle breaths. _She's just a girl_, he tried to reason, his eyes catching on her breasts again.

_ And I'm just a boy_.

It started with heat, as it always did. Heat was innocent, Zuko was used to heat, under his skin, on his fingertips, in his throat. It was when the heat started to _pull _at him, when the heat expanded and swelled in _unfortunate places_ that things usually started to get unfortunate. As he battled both the welling feeling in his chest and in his pants, Zuko realized that maybe this wasn't the best of situations. Her face, he could get lost in that face, but it was making his heart only beat ever the faster, only pumping blood to places he _did not want it to go_.

In a desperate attempt to avoid _any such circumstance concerning such things_, Zuko tried to rotate his entire body _just to get away from hers because this was not good_, but the attempt was futile and he ended up accidentally touching more of her than Mai had allowed nearly four months into their relationship.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," he muttered, cursing his stupidity. Katara grabbed his shoulders to stop him.

"Shhh," she urged, "they're going to hear you!"

And she turned to look down over the edge, and as she did so, her _godforsaken breasts_ rubbed against his chest, and he was done.

_Spirits spirits sprits why me why now. _Zuko scrambled in his mind to think of something, _anything else_ that would just _calm him down_ but it was just _no use_. His knee shot up in a vain attempt to _conceal himself_, but in doing so, he accidentally clocked her in the face.

She nearly cried out, but he clamped a hand to her mouth. "_Sorry_," he hissed desperately, wanting nothing more at this point than to just go home and forget the whole thing ever happened. _For fuck's sake I hit her in the face. "I'm sorry, are you okay?"_

"Yeah," she whispered back, rubbing her jaw. "It's okay. Don't worry about..."

Her eyes flicked down, and shot back up. Zuko's lips tightened and he looked at her with an expression that he _hoped _was 'um yeah so this happened to me and I'm sorry about it but really if you think about it it's not my fault' but probably came off more as 'I'm a total creep and also a weirdo.' Her eyes were only wide, understanding and suddenly frozen by the sudden realization of the situation.

_Um_, was all she said, _um _seemed to be the only word coming to her head. Zuko scrambled for something, _anything to say_, but he settled for crossing his legs as firmly as he could in the constricted space and hunching down so he could grumble incoherently into the floor.

_What would Uncle do_? He racked his mind frantically, trying to think of solutions, when Katara presented one herself.

"If you don't say anything, then I won't say anything," she told him from somewhere very far away, her words jarred by the awkwardness that came with the situation. "_Ever_."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled quickly, turning red again. He could feel the embarrassment washing over him, taking away the burning, and he felt himself get a bit better. He chanced a glance back up at her, but _Agni above she was staring_ and when his eyes raised, hers took the slightest of seconds to snap back up to his face.

"We should be good," she said quickly, jolting to her feet. "I'll just freeze the guards again, I'll freeze everyone in the Fire Nation if we can just go home and go to bed." Zuko raised an eyebrow at her, and she paused, her eyes wide. "Not...not together! I didn't mean together, to our own...separate..."

She trailed off, her words helpless. Zuko, who was self aware enough to realize that he was in no way capable of coherent speech at the present moment, just nodded tightly and waved a hand.

"You go," he said gruffly. "I'll...catch up."

Katara nodded abruptly, and threw one leg over the edge of the low wall. She looked down, and then back at Zuko for a second.

"Are you...you're not gonna...take...care of...that, or...are you?" her eyes flicked back down, and he threw his palm to his forehead and groaned.

"_No_."

"Good, because it's...not that you _shouldn't_, I mean it's...but we have to get back and..."

"_Just go_," he hissed through his teeth, nearly on the edge of curling up onto a ball on the floor and pulling his hair out. Katara only nodded again, lips pulled in embarrassment, and dropped out of sight.

He couldn't exactly remember a time where he'd felt more mortified than that exact moment right then; there was really no going on from that point. _I may as well just stay up here forever_. He'd liked to think that before, his burgeoning attraction for Katara had gone mostly unnoticed by her, and even if it hadn't, it was reasonable enough for both of them to just ignore it and go on as usual. But now there was _no chance of that at all _and he would have no other option but to go back to the Fire Nation and hang out with Azula and marry Mai (after maybe getting her out of that prison he left her in).

Zuko also realized with a plummeting feeling that minutes before the _scaffolding incident_, he had actually _made an attempt to kiss her_, and that wouldn't go unnoticed either. _I am the worst person in the universe. _Reflecting that he'd, in the span of about three or four days, made a promise, repeatedly battled with keeping that promise, tried to break said promise, and after failing to do so, continued to get hormonal in the presence of the girl of which the promise revolved around.

_Yep, never leaving this roof._

But there was a hiss. "_Zuko_!" Katara called from below. "_Come on, we have to go!"_

Grumbling endlessly about the miserable state of his life, Zuko clambered out of his hiding spot, making sure to grab both bags of stolen goods, and made his way back down to the ground, where Katara was waiting.

"Frozen?" he asked, trying to clear his throat and talk at the same time. She nodded.

"Feel better?" she asked, making an attempt at teasing him. He only grumbled some more, and she gave him a sympathetic (but still exceptionally awkward) pat on the shoulder that didn't make him feel any better.

"That isn't not talking about it," he grumbled, crossing his arms fiercely. Katara looked uncertainly on the ground.

"So...we should go?"

"We should go," he clarified, and with one last clumsy exchange of glances, they left the warehouse.

Now that they were encumbered by heavy bags, the journey back was a lot slower. Katara remained quiet, and Zuko didn't feel like pushing the silence.

_Spirits, what was I thinking_? He admonished himself the whole way back. _When I get back, I swear to Angi, I'm going to my room and I will STOMP and I will HUFF and I will INCINERATE anyone who admonishes me for doing so._

It was Aang who greeted them first. His eyes were drawn suspiciously, and he eyed Zuko with a great deal of concern.

"Where did you guys go _this_ time?" he asked. As a response, Zuko threw the bag at his feet.

"Now you won't go hungry. _You're welcome_," he snapped, and turned around to stomp up to his room. He was followed by calls of "_how did you get this"_ and "_I hope this wasn't acquired by dishonest means_," but he just ignored it.

Once he'd gotten to his room and slammed his door _very dramatically_, he started to regret being so snappy. Sometimes he forgot Aang was actually his friend, and he needed to start showing him at least _some _level of respect before he was kicked out of the group and marked as an enemy again.

Chalking it up as another point of regret, Zuko sighed and curled into his bed, breathing the smell of his childhood, drowning in memories he never wanted to keep.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! And a continued thank you to all the beautiful people of the world who take the time to tell me what they think of the story, it really means a lot to me and it helps to know what you guys like! Since I'm writing a new chapter ever week or so ish now, I am taking suggestions of things you guys would want to see in the future (I'll try to incorporate things as much as I can, as long as it fits; someone asked for an embarrassed Zuko or Katara and I think that was achieved).

If you hadn't noticed, I just love torturing this poor kid (although he really does a lot of it to himself). Zuko won't suffer for long, there WILL BE ACTUAL ZUTARA in this story. Zuko will still suffer in other ways, because that's the way Zuko is, but believe me, I'm just as anxious as you are for these kids to get their Zutara on.

(As always, you can find me on tumblr and talk to me about zuko's feeliings and zutara and zutara feelings or just follow me or not I'm just throwing the option out there) (for clarification, I'm fire-lordzuzu and not firelordzuzu which is really a shame but what can you do) (parentheses)

(If I don't update as much, it's because I have school and a massive workload, but I'm not going to stop writing by any means! So just bear with me, and I'll deliver the Zutara on a semi regular basis. I'll complete this story if it kills me or else I will have DISHONOR)


	9. Zuko Is Not Good at Hide and Seek

A/N: Whew, sorry about the wait! I have a lot of things going on right now, so I have to squeeze the writing of this in when I can, so if it takes a little longer between updates, just bear with me. Thank you for all the lovely reviews on the last chapter! You guys are the greatest and I say this every time but it never stops being true. So here's a little chapter, more of a transitional thing than anything, gearing up for _future things to come_. In this chapter, Zuko is melancholy, hides in a tree, and is involved in a group hug.

* * *

Zuko had neither sight nor smell of a single other person for the past four and a half days.

He'd stayed, stubbornly, locked in his room, not doing much but fuming, sleeping, and freaking out about _what will Katara say when I see her next_? She'd promised not to say anything, of course, but Zuko knew how promises usually went. Additionally, there was no escaping the embarrassment associated with looking into the eyes of a person who has seen _such things_. Conversation with Katara, he had decided, had become impossible, and he cringed at the very thought.

Clearly, the most obvious and painless solution was to just stay in his room and avoid everyone at all costs. The first two nights, he'd snuck down to the kitchen to get food in the middle of the night, but someone must have caught on, because he was barely intercepted the night before. It only took one glance at the shadowed figure before he'd hightailed it back up, leaving a female voice calling, "_Zuko, wait!"_

So he'd slammed his door behind him, heaving against the wood, knowing it was probably stupid for him to be locking himself away, but not really caring because he wasn't ready to face people yet, let alone _Katara_.

When afternoon hit, he was lying on the floor, looking aimlessly at the ceiling, sending sparks upwards with his fingers. It was a game he and Azula had used to play; they'd lay on their backs, side by side, and shoot sparks at the ceiling, to see who could get the closest without setting anything on fire. Azula had always won, not that there was any surprise there. Zuko looked at the scorchmarks, all from his hands, and sighed. The deepness of the sigh surprised him, as if he'd forgotten how much he'd grown, how far he was from laying on the floor with Azula, how long it had been since he'd been so small.

With a heavy head he sat up, and ran a hand through his hair. _I should go downstairs_. But really, he was just too tired to do anything but sit there, wondering where things had gone so wrong.

He was a prince, he had a father, and a mother, even a sister, and somewhere along the line, he'd lost all those things. He'd had a face like anyone else, slender and pale, two golden eyes and two dark eyebrows, a face that would be torn by abuse and cruelty. _I was so lost_, he thought, remembering his first day at sea. Even heavily bandaged, the salt from the spray of water still sunk into his skin, leaving him stinging and burning weeks later. _And I don't feel any better now_.

Like a trained animal he'd chased his prey, not realizing the true nature of his father's demands and the emptiness of his promises.

And now, _even now_ that he was convinced he was on the right side, even know that he _knew _he was doing the right thing, he still felt wrong. Everything he said seemed to be the wrong thing, and every thought lead him right back to guilt. Hated his father? Guilt. Betrayed his Uncle? Guilt. Abandoned his nation? Guilt.

Loved Katara?

Guilt.

He knew that as soon as he walked downstairs, people would give him _that look_, that look one gives to a particularly catatonic person when they don't want him to _go off_. Above all things, Zuko hated that look, and he didn't want it from _anyone_, least of all his friends. He regretted just about everything that had transpired in the past week, and he was about determined to stay in his room until everyone forgot about all of those things.

Muffled voices shuffled under the door, and he turned his head lazily to hear them better.

"Maybe I'm not remembering correctly, but isn't it _rude_ to break down someone's door?"

"He's bringing it on himself. Now just earthbend it down, or something."

"I can't earthbend it, it's made of _wood_."

"Oh." a pause. "Then _you_ burn it down."

"I'm not burning down anyone's door. The monks always taught me that when a person wants to be left alone, we should respect that."

"This has nothing to do with monks, _you_ just don't want to start firebending practice again."

"That's...that's not it at all."

"You know Sokka, maybe we can just bash it open with _your giant head_."

"I believe _I'm_ the idea guy here, _Toph_."

"Then come up with an idea that _doesn't suck_."

Zuko didn't hear any more, he was already halfway out of the window when the door started to budge open. He dropped onto the awning below the windowsill just as they entered, and his sudden absence elicited a "_ARE YOU SERIOUS" _from Sokka.

"I think he just wants to be alone," Aang was saying. "And we should respect that."

"I miss him," Toph said with a certain lofty air, "he's kinda funny. In a stupid way."

_That doesn't even make sense_, Zuko grumbled internally, but he felt better knowing that at least someone missed him. He dropped from the roof onto the ground and skirted around the back porch, hoping no one was outside waiting for him.

He started to make his way to the side entrance, hoping he could sneak in through the back staircase and sneak back up into his room by way of the kitchen, but he came upon Katara and Suki, sitting under a tree, their voices low.

Zuko nearly ignored this and went back into the house, but then he realized that was _stupid_ so he dropped to his hands and knees and retreated back into the supports of the porch, peering through leaves and straining his ears.

"Look at it this way," Suki was telling her, gesturing softly with her hands. "When I first met Sokka, he was...no offense...a _complete _asshole." She stopped to make sure this was okay, and when Katara only nodded, she continued. "But underneath all of that, he turned out to be a really sweet guy. When you guys had to leave, I thought I'd never see him again, but I never stopped thinking about him. But then..." her face twisted, "he seemed to have forgotten about me. When we met again, he obviously had his mind somewhere else..._on_ someone else. But I just kept telling myself- if we're meant to be, then it'll happen." She shrugged then, and smiled. Katara nodded slowly, tugging at her hair uncertainly.

"I'm just so confused," she admitted. Zuko's heart picked up, and he stayed as silent as a person who can't control their emotions possibly can. "Ever since I found Aang, he's been there for me. He's always risked everything he has to protect me, to protect his friends, the whole _world_. Aang would never turn his back on me, Aang would never...betray me."

_Betray me_.

The words sunk down into Zuko's lungs, they sunk deep into his chest and down through his veins, making every muscle contract and spit the word back out, _betray_.

Because she was right, Aang would _never_. Aang loved her selflessly, wholly, unconditionally. Zuko loved selfishly, he loved overwhelmingly, he loved _pointlessly_. Aang would never turn his back on Katara, _never_. And Aang would always have that over Zuko, he'd always have that on him, because Zuko _already did_.

He remembered her then, her hand on his face, her eyes so sad and _understanding_, it was there even then, as if she looked at him and just _knew_ what he'd been though. Katara offered a touch, and he'd leaned into it, and suddenly...it happened.

He fell for her.

But even then, after she'd reached for him and offered _a second chance_, he turned his back on her. With every ounce of fight he'd had left he fought her, angry and confused and desperate, _so desperate _to go back home.

_I only wanted to go home_.

Katara was still talking.

"...supposed to, and I know he _expects_ me to, but I don't know if that's what I want anymore. I don't even know if I _ever..._wanted that. Maybe I just thought I did."

"Katara, if you just don't like him, then you just don't. It won't do either of you any good to force it. And it _definitely _won't do you any good to force other things from happening."

Looking at Suki suspiciously, Katara did a quick, furtive sweep of the area to make sure no one was listening. _Not very thorough_, Zuko observed, as he remained concealed under the porch. His legs were starting to cramp.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, keeping her voice unaffected.

"You know what I'm talking about," Suki said quietly. Katara shifted, crossing and uncrossing her legs.

"That's what's making this so confusing," she admitted. "Because I don't know...I don't know if Aang would understand. I don't want there to be any tension between them, not when we're so close to the comet. He has to learn firebending from _someone_, and if...if anything happened, I don't know...I don't know if he would do it anymore."

Musing on that, Suki pursed her lips. "Do you have that little faith in him?"

"No, not at all," Katara said quickly, "I know that when it matters, Aang will make the right decision. But he can be impulsive, when it calls for it. He'll just get up and leave, he'll vanish without telling _anyone_ because he thinks he's being _heroic _or...or _lost_, anything. There's so much pressure on him already."

"Never in all my life have I seen someone love as fiercely as he loves you," Suki told her, a hand on Katara' knee.

"Aang?"

Slowly, Suki's head shook.

"Zuko."

Blushing, Katara looked furiously at the ground. As if she were hardly breathing, her lips parted and closed again, air escaping her.

"I know."

Zuko didn't know if he could listen to any more, it wasn't necessarily making him feel any better. There was a cramp digging into his side, and he was growing increasingly uncomfortable. Crouching in the dirt, listening to Katara tell Suki how unreasonable Aang was wasn't helping any, and more than anything, he wanted to go back to his room to hide some more.

Luckily, at that moment, Aang, Sokka, and Toph approached Katara and Suki and interrupted their talk.

"We can't find him anywhere," Aang told them, shrugging. "He wasn't in his room."

"What?" Katara stood up. "This is getting _ridiculous_. He's putting everything on hold, and for _no good reason at all_."

"Do you _know_ the reason?" Aang asked. "Because if you do, maybe you can talk to him and make him socialize with us again?"

"That won't do us any good if we can't find him," Sokka said. Katara nodded.

"I'll go look," Katara huffed, and stood up. "He _has _to be around here somewhere."

"If anyone can find him, it's _me_," Toph jabbed a thumb to her chest. "You guys all have the disadvantage of having eyes." With that, she ran off, and everyone followed suit.

Staying more still than he'd ever stayed in his life, Zuko watched as everyone walked in separate directions, all off to find him.

_Maybe this wasn't the greatest idea_.

Once the coast seemed clear, Zuko started to ease himself out from the foliage. It was hard enough hiding from five people who were specifically searching for you, he realized, but it was made even more difficult by way of the fact that Toph could see him _without even seeing him_.

Like a woflbat he fleeted across the open space, racing for the edge of woods that bordered the property. Distinctly, he heard a yell, "_HE'S THIS WAY, I JUST FELT FOOTSTEPS,"_ and the adrenaline of it chased him right up a tree.

Zuko wasn't sure if Toph could see up trees or not, but he figured he was safer in the air than he was on the ground. It would probably be better, he knew, to just give up the game and shuffle back to his friends, but he had been too stubborn about it to break. Admitting defeat wasn't going to make it any less terrible for him, so he stayed in the tree with a firm resolve.

Sokka ran over, following Toph by a good ten feet.

"He's around here somewhere," Toph said, pacing around the base of the tree Zuko was sitting in. Sokka frowned.

"Are you sure?"

"Do my feet look like they're lying?" she snapped, and stayed very still. Sokka yawned, and she slapped a hand over his mouth. "_Shhhhh_."

_This situation isn't getting any better_.

Determined to avoid anyone at all costs, Zuko moved as silently as he could through the trees until he dropped down on the beach, feet running over sand and into the water. _Just guilt. Just guilt and nothing else._ It overwhelmed him, it consumed him, and soon all he could feel was the ground under his feet and the pounding in his head. Like madness, everything rushed back into his consciousness, the humiliation, the shame, the pressure of being a prince and a hero and the catalyst between good and evil, all his betrayals and his evils, everything stormed back into his awareness. Maybe it was because he was due, or maybe it was because he'd spent too much time in the company of only himself, but either way, Zuko started to heave and break down, leaving him wondering when he'd come to the point where breaking down was no longer necessary.

It was fierce that day, the water, and waves rushed at his body and sprayed his face with salt. Sinking to his knees, he dug his hands into the grain and murk of the ground, and exhaled heavily. It surprised him, how empty and shattered that breath was. Water rushed over him, it seemed to rush _through_ him, and it ached more than anything.

He was pretty sure it was Toph who came first, Toph who just walked up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything, and Zuko didn't say anything in return, but she just stood there with her hand on his shoulder, as if she wanted to tell him it was okay, and he wasn't completely stupid. He _felt_ completely stupid.

Sokka was close behind, and put his hand on his back.

"We're your friends, Zuko," he said, the seriousness of his voice strange, the sincerity of it almost out of place. "And you don't need to hide from us."

"He's right," Suki said, and he became aware of more presences filling him behind him.

It was Katara who moved first, Katara who pushed between him and Sokka to kneel in the water next to him, water dampening her hair and wetting her skin. Of course it was Katara.

Her arm moved around him, and she pressed her forehead to his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" she whispered. His head jerked.

"No."

She accepted the answer, and stayed silent. Aang fell in next to Katara, and looked at Zuko with an even stare.

"Opening yourself up to your emotions is the most important step to spiritual wholeness," he said, "and the first step to opening yourself up to your emotions is group hugs."

"_Wh..." _Zuko started to protest, but soon there were _people_ piled around him and there were _arms _and _heads_ pressing everywhere. He didn't necessarily feel any better, but it didn't make him feel worse, so he put up with it and concentrated on Katara, who pressed closer still, her head wedged in the crook of his neck.

"_Thank you_," he whispered to her, lips barely moving. Softly, intimately, she took his hand and nodded.

Someone must have decided that they'd hugged Zuko long enough, because everyone started standing up, and the air met his body once again, cutting through his soaked clothes and burning into his skin.

Nothing burned quite like cold air.

He stood up, resignedly, and hurriedly wiped tears from his eyes. Katara rubbed his arm, rooted to his side. For the first time, Aang didn't become noticeably upset at their closeness, rather he just smiled easily and looked up at Zuko.

"So when are we firebending again? I really want to try the fire spin." He mimicked the move, making a _whooshing_ sound with his mouth. Zuko snorted at the sight.

"In a few minutes," he said, walking out of the water with dragging steps, letting the water evaporate from his skin, enjoying the feeling of bitter cold turning into steam, steam that hissed away into nothing. _Let everything else just hiss away like steam, _he thought, _let it all evaporate and make it stop sinking deeper into your skin_. "I've barely eaten in four and a half days."

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A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm getting more ideas about where I want to take this and I'm pretty excited. Never hesitate to tell me what you think! Your thoughts are great and I love hearing them. I have a good portion of the next chapter written, so look out for that within the next week or so. I wish I could sit here and add more thoughts to this but I have to go to class sooooo

THANK YOU FOR READING HUGS AND KISSES


	10. The Thing About Ozai and Being Manly

A/N: Wow finally! Here's another chapter, full of Zuko-ness and good times. Thanks for all your patience, school is really getting the best of me this year, and I'm trying my very hardest to squeeze this in where I can. A big massive thank you to the reviewers and the readers, who remind me that it's important to keep writing. You're all great. In this chapter, Zuko has a chat with Sokka, has the Ozai talk with Aang, and finally confesses something to Katara. Thanks for putting up with me aaaaa

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If Zuko had to pick a moment in his life in which he was mostly content, it would have to be this one. He decided that, with the way things were going, he was settling in at about forty percent happy and only sixty percent unhappy, which was a point he'd never really quite reached. He had begrudgingly decided that was pretty alright, even though Katara insisted that forty percent happy still wasn't very much. Whatever it was, it was a new record, and Zuko was fine with that. Even so, he figured there was no point trying to relive any more of his anger because it just didn't feel like it was going anywhere, so he tried to focus on _positive_ things, like spending time with his friends and spending less time locked alone in his room.

Surprisingly, most everyone had let up on his feelings. Maybe he just wasn't as exciting anymore now that he'd seemed to have calmed down a bit, but it was still a little off-putting. Not even Sokka was pestering him anymore, and Sokka was normally _always _pestering him.

Loathe to admit that he missed it, Zuko paced aimlessly around the house. Maybe someone would notice that he looked a bit lost, and maybe they'd corner him and force some emotion out of him. It wasn't even that he _wanted_ to talk about his feelings, because he _didn't_. There was just the simple fact that _he had feelings _and he was a bit miffed that no one seemed to care anymore, least of all Sokka, who was usually the most nosy of them all.

Of course, Zuko wasn't even sure why Sokka was so _invested_ in his love life in the first place, especially considering that it was _Katara_ he wanted. Zuko had brought this up a few times, but Sokka always brushed it off and said that he _owed him_.

Zuko suspected the events of Boiling Rock were at play here, and he didn't really want to question it. The weird thing was, Sokka seemed to be more pro Zuko-Katara than _any of them_. If the three of them were sitting alone, Sokka would make some grand excuse and leave. When Katara needed help with something, Sokka always delegated the task to Zuko. Whenever Katara had to go get something from town, Sokka would make her take _Zuko_ with her.

It was all very suspicious.

Deciding it was high time he got some answers, Zuko walked around the house until he found Sokka, who he eventually found lying facedown on the parlor couch, complaining about back pain.

Zuko walked into the room as casually as he could. "What happened to you?"

"Earthbending," Sokka grumbled unhappily. He made a great show of turning around, grimacing expressively. "Toph thinks it's funny."

"I need to ask you something."

"Yeah, sure," Sokka crawled to a seated position, making a great show of wincing as he did so. Zuko sat in a chair a good several feet away, his hands clasped.

"Why do you care so much about setting me up with your sister?" he asked, not bothering to beat around any bushes. He was going to get _to the bottom of this_. "I mean, if i were _you_ trying to hook up with _my_ sister..." he paused, reconsidering the analogy. _I'd put you in a mental institution, that's what I'd do._

Sokka made a face. "No offense, but your sister is...bonkers."

"Yeah, forget that," Zuko waved his hand. "I just thought you'd be more, you know...against me wanting to...because she's your sister and everything. It doesn't make any sense."

"You want to know why I'm ok with it?" Sokka asked, confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"We'd be here all day if I answered that question."

Sighing, Sokka looked at Zuko seriously. "Look, I know you used to be a total jerkbender, but you're pretty cool! I mean, everyone deserves a second chance, right?"

But Zuko didn't accept that answer. It was too _simple_, there _had_ to be something else. So he just frowned, and Sokka shrugged at him. _There's something else._

As if he understood, Sokka sighed, his shoulders slumping. He gave Zuko a look that read _fine, I'll tell you if you want to be pesky about it_ and Zuko responded with a _I'll be pesky at you forever until you tell me already._

So he began.

"You remember when we first met, right? Back in the North Pole?"

"You hit me in the back of the head with a boomerang, yeah, I remember."

Sokka smiled dreamily. "Yeah, those were the days. But remember, I _hated _you. You were chasing us all the time, attacking us, trying to kill us, yelling about honor, capturing Aang, going on and on about..."

Annoyed, Zuko glared. "Can you get to the point?"

"What?" Sokka paused. "Oh, right. But you turned out to be a pretty good guy..." here, he looked at Zuko seriously, "a _really_ good guy. You came with me to the most dangerous prison in the world, even when I hadn't warmed up to you yet. All because you wanted to prove yourself." He paused again. "And I owe you for that."

"So you're trying to pay me back?" Zuko was confused. "Sokka, I didn't go with you so you'd let me _date your sister_, I went because I couldn't just let...I couldn't stay behind and..."

He trailed off, the difficulty of his thoughts clouded his words for a second. Grappling with words in silence, Zuko huffed and looked to the floor. The fact was, he didn't want to see _another _relationship between a father and a son completely destroyed. Maybe he didn't have a father anymore, but Sokka and Katara still did, and they needed him. And Sokka was right, maybe he did want to prove himself. Maybe he _needed_ to. Zuko didn't particularly feel like the world's best person because of it.

"I know," Sokka said quickly, as if he could guess what Zuko was thinking. "As I said, you're just a good guy. And a guy that good...well, Katara deserves someone like that."

Sokka obviously didn't realize the full extent of Zuko's intentions.

"Am I, though?" Zuko found himself voicing a different worry. "A good guy?"

"Well, yeah," Sokka shrugged, but Zuko didn't believe it. He just shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I don't _feel_ like a good guy," he admitted. "I actually feel like a pretty crappy guy. Most of the time."

"That's ridiculous," Sokka said plainly, waving his hand aside.

"It's _not_," stressed Zuko. "I've done so many bad things, and some of them are more recent than I'm willing to admit. I chased you around for how long? I _kidnapped Katara_, I rescued Aang from Zhao only so I could turn him in to my father _myself_, in Ba Sing Se I betrayed...everyone." Not just Katara, he often had to remind himself. He had betrayed everyone in Ba Sing Se, everyone but Azula, who was betraying _him_. There was no worse look in the world than that sad, resigned disappointment in his uncle's eyes. Such bitter disappointment left a tremendously bitter aftertaste, and Zuko felt like he was still choking from it.

"You've redeemed yourself," Sokka told him quietly. "And we've all forgiven you for it, I don't know why you're..."

"Because I don't deserve it."

"You need to stop telling yourself you don't deserve good things," Sokka sighed, in the way one sighs when someone just isn't getting the point. "You keep looking for reasons for us not to trust you, but...I probably trust you more than anyone I know."

This shocked Zuko a little, and the _sincerity_ of it really astounded him.

"What why?" he asked, as if they were just one, single word and not two. Sokka only shrugged and looked off at the distance, as if the conversation was a little too emotional and not manly enough for him.

"When I was growing up, I was the only kid my age in the whole village. There was Katara, but she's...a girl." He shrugged apologetically. "She never wanted to bash around and hit stuff with clubs, especially once..." _once our mom died_, he was going to say, but his mouth clamped shut before he could. Zuko just nodded to show him he understood, and Sokka continued. "Until there was Aang, I never really had friends I could relate to, and I even had trouble relating to him. And I know Aang would have come with me to the Boiling Rock, but _you _were the one who did. Ever since then, I don't know. It was like you were the friend I wanted back at the South Pole, when it was just me, Katara, a bunch of children, and Gran Gran." He took that moment to pause and look at Zuko seriously. "Going to the Boiling Rock could have meant the end for you, and you knew that. And you and I _both _know that the end of you means a lot more than the end of me, because...I mean, you're the future of the Fire Nation, right? There was so much at stake, but you came anyway. That's why I trust you."

Zuko didn't say anything. Sokka coughed in a manly fashion. Suddenly feeling the need to do so as well, Zuko coughed in an even manlier fashion.

This resulted in a manly coughing competition that lasted nearly five whole minutes, until Katara yelled from a few rooms over "_what are you guys DOING."_

Sokka yelled back _"BEING MANLY_," and Zuko could practically _hear_ Katara's eye roll.

Feeling strangely comforted, Zuko realized that he wasn't the only one who hadn't much experience with friends. He wasn't the only one who had come from a broken family. As alienated as he normally felt, he thought that maybe these people were more like him than he'd thought. _You don't have to make yourself so alone_, Katara had told him once. Maybe it was just in his head.

The look on Sokka's face confirmed his more than anything, really. It was just a little smile, but to Zuko it said '_hey come on, you know we're bros'_ and Zuko did his best to give him a smile that said _'yeah, we are bros.'_

At this point, Aang poked his head into the room and asked if he could join them in being manly.

"Of course, plenty manliness for everyone," Sokka said in an unnaturally deep voice, stroking a beard he didn't have. Aang strutted into the room, a strut he'd obviously been practicing for many hours.

"No no," Sokka corrected, and stood up, his extraordinary back pain suddenly forgotten. "You're doing it all wrong. You have to throw your shoulders back, puff your chest out more. It's much more manly."

"Like this?" Aang stuck his tongue out and puffed his chest, but the resulting walk was a lot more waddling than it was before.

"Don't stick your tongue out," Sokka admonished, shaking his head. Zuko couldn't believe an impromptu strutting lesson had just broken out in the living room of his father's beach house. "Put your hands in your pockets."

"But I don't have pockets." Aang showed him. Sokka frowned like this was a real problem.

"I could find some scissors," he suggested, but Zuko decided to put a stop to this before it got out of hand.

"Stop," he said, standing up. He put a hand on Aang's shoulder. "Besides, that's not how you strut anyway. If you really want to pull off a manly strut, you have to be _much moodier_."

"Moodier?"

"That's just your solution to everything," Sokka waved a hand aside.

"It's true," Zuko insisted, crossing his arms and looking down at Aang. "If you want to be manly, you have to be broody. You have to walk into a room like you just don't give a fuck about anything in it."

"I guess that makes sense," Aang scratched his head. "I mean, that's what you do, and you're the manliest person here." This elicited a _HEY _from Sokka, at which point Aang had to backpedal and tell Sokka he was also very manly. Sokka just crossed his arms and made a grumpy face.

Slumping over to the wall, Aang practiced being broody for a while. But both Sokka and Zuko had very different opinions on what being manly really _entailed_, and they both had extremely varying opinions on what being broody really had to do with it.

"More slouchy," Zuko said, but Sokka rebutted with "stand up straight!"

Katara appeared in the doorway, looking irate. All three boys looked at her with varying shades of guilt.

"What are you doing?" her voice was flat and suspicious.

"Teaching Aang...how to be manly?" Sokka supplied uncertainly.

"Is that going to help him defeat the Fire Lord?"

"Well, if you think about it, the Fire Lord _has _to be pretty manly himself," at this, Sokka craned his head to look at Zuko as if to ask if it were okay to say this. Zuko allowed it. "So if we amp up Aang's manliness, then..."

"Shouldn't you be teaching him firebending?" Katara gave Zuko a look, under which he quailed. "I don't think trying to _make Aang more grumpy_ is very productive."

"Well, I wouldn't say that _for sure_, exactly," he said quickly. Katara didn't buy it.

"Well what have _you_ been doing all day?" Sokka challenged. She screwed her lips to the side in a show of indignation.

"You know, productive things," she insisted. "I went to the shops with Suki."

Sokka's first reaction was "_WITHOUT ME" _but then he remembered himself and raised an eyebrow at her. "What did you buy?"

"That's...that's not the point."

"I think it _is_ the point!"

"Guys..." Aang finally cut in, stepping in between the two siblings. "Katara's right. I need to focus on my training. There's no time for fun." he gave her a pointed look as he said this, and Katara sighed. After giving them each a suspicious look, she seemed to relent.

"_Fine_," she said, throwing her hands in the air. "Teach him how to be a weirdo, I don't care."

"I resent that!" Sokka called as she sauntered away. Zuko huffed.

"We aren't weird," he muttered, before looking to Sokka for confirmation.

"Yeah! She's the weird one."

"Maybe weirdness is what makes us special!" exclaimed Aang, and while Sokka shrugged in a '_yes this is true_' sort of way, Zuko just shook his head.

"Maybe we should practice firebending," he said, still watching the spot from which Katara had left. "Before she yells at us again."

"She'll get over it," Aang jumped up onto the couch and started air scootering back and forth. "I need a break anyway." Really, Zuko could just tell that Aang didn't feel like practicing, and while normally he would argue with that, there wasn't much chance of him teaching him anything _anyway_. Once Aang had decided he did or didn't want to do something, he would stick to that very stubbornly and there was nothing anyone could do or say about it (and Zuko had tried).

He made a mental note to train him twice as hard tomorrow, to make up for it.

In fact, there seemed to be something bothering Aang, and Zuko was almost afraid to ask. As a friend, he knew it was expected of him to ask, especially considering the fact that people were always prodding _him_ for explanations when things were bothering him. But he was afraid it was _Katara_ bothering Aang, and that wasn't a subject he wanted to discuss, not with _anyone_, least of all Aang.

But, as a friend, he felt obligated to do so, so he did. Awkwardly, as was his nature, he asked.

"You seem...bothered. By something," he said, his head turned to face him. Aang turned in surprise, and sort of hovered in the air before he landed gracefully on the couch.

"I guess," he scratched his head. Giving Zuko a nervous look, he said "I don't know if you really want to hear about it."

Sokka and Zuko exchanged a quick look.

"Maybe I'm in a good mood today," Zuko told him, with a fair bit of hesitation, and Aang smiled a bit at that. He crossed his legs on the couch and looked around nervously a bit before he started talking.

"I'm just really worried about fighting the Fire Lord," he said quietly, to Zuko's surprise. He'd expected Katara problems, not Ozai problems. He'd always thought he was the only one who had Ozai problems, although on second thought, that did seem stupid. Zuko tried to keep the surprise off his face, but a little sliver of shock escaped through his eyes, and Aang started talking very quickly. "And if you don't want to talk about it that's fine, because I know he's your dad, and..."

"Aang," he interrupted, "It's fine."

In all actuality, this conversation wasn't one Zuko really didn't want to have either, but Aang was a person who needed to talk out his feelings in order to solve his problems, and the Fire Lord/Fatherlord issue was a rather big one. The whole thing filled Zuko's head with pangs of guilt and worry and what Katara called 'angst about your dad.'

But Zuko's acceptance of the topic seemed to comfort Aang a bit, and he relaxed slightly. "I've been worrying about fighting him for a long time, and now it's only two weeks away! I'm not even ready to fight him, I won't _be_ ready, I'll _never_ be ready." Aang paused, and looked at Zuko with large gray eyes. "I'm scared. But I'm the Avatar, I'm not supposed to be scared, am I?"

"There's nothing wrong with being scared," said Zuko seriously. "Especially of him. Believe me, I get it."

Aang paused, in the way someone does when they're on the verge of asking a question they're not sure is okay to ask.

"Monk Gyatso was like a father to me," he started to say slowly, like he was trying to figure out how to phrase what he was trying to say. "And if one of my friends was trying to defeat _him_, even for the good of the world, I don't know how I would feel about it."

"Are you asking...my _permission_ to defeat him?" This astounded him a bit; why was he asking his permission? The confusion must have been showing on his face, because Aang looked a little sheepish about it.

"He's your dad," Aang shrugged uncertainly. "I always knew I had to face him, but now his only son is one of my friends, and...it complicates things, you know?"

"I don't think it's really an issue," Sokka said when Zuko remained silent, looking between the two of them. "I mean..." his words dropped away, and suddenly Zuko became very aware that they were staring at him. Discomfort twisted in his stomach. _Maybe I shouldn't have asked_.

The thing was, he wanted Ozai gone probably more than any of them. But even _that _made him feel guilty, and guilt just made him angry. _He wanted me gone_, he reminded himself. _He was going to kill me himself._

"I don't want you to have any reservations about this," he eventually said, keeping his voice as even as he possibly could. "If he senses any weakness in you, he'll exploit it in the worst possible way. He'll imagine every possible way to hurt you in that one second, and there won't be anything after that."

He nearly reached for his scar, but he stopped himself. _It's over. It's done. It's not that big of a deal. Not anymore._

Aang's face was full of sympathy.

"He did that to you, didn't he?" he asked quietly. Zuko nodded jerkily.

"Yeah."

"If you talk about it, it'll clear out a lot of negative energy in your mind," Aang suggested, in a soft and gentle voice. Being the Avatar meant that Aang was always spouting out spiritual wisdom, and Zuko never found any of it particularly helpful.

So he just shook his head stiffly, and Aang had the sense to pull back. He was relieved Aang didn't get preachy about it, as Aang was like to do, because really, he just didn't want to talk about it with anyone.

There was a bit of an awkward pause. Naturally, Sokka felt like he needed to be the one to break it.

"Soooo..." he said, rolling his shoulders like he was stretching, "is there a plan for today?"

Aang shrugged. "I dunno. You're the plan guy."

For a moment, Sokka reverted back to stroking a fake beard. But Zuko was still thinking about their conversation; whenever his dad was brought up, things were bound to weigh heavily in his stomach like stones for several hours. So he got up and left the room, leaving Aang and Sokka to their daily plans.

_Should I feel guilty about wanting him...dealt with_? He wondered. But that, he knew, was something Sokka and Aang could never understand. He'd met Sokka and Katara's dad, _he_ was what dads were supposed to be like. He had the same stupid sense of humor Sokka did, and in him was the same ferocity and protective instinct that Katara possessed. More importantly, he _loved _his kids, which Zuko knew Ozai never had.

He and Azula were only ever tools, ways through which he could gain power and manipulate it.

_But he's still my father_.

A little irate that _yet another conflict_ had risen in his head, he half walked-half stomped up the stairs into his room and shut the door, not quietly.

Why did everything have to be a _huge enormous deal?_ Why couldn't he just accept the fact that his father didn't deserve to live?

_But does he deserve to die_?

Zuko didn't know the answer to that. He hardly thought there _was_ an answer, whether it be right or wrong.

If there was an answer, he knew Katara would know it, so after a few minutes of stewing over it in his room, he left again and went to find her.

The most important thing Katara ever did for him was take his hands and understand. And that's what she did consistently; Zuko would slouch up to her with a problem, and she'd sit him down on the ground, take his hands, and she tell him "_I understand."_

It sounded like bullshit coming from everyone else, but Zuko knew that Katara really did, on some level, understand where he was coming from. He could sit down in front of her and babble out his thoughts, and somehow, they made sense to her. She'd nod, never taking her eyes off him, _listening_. It really struck him in these moments just how much he needed her. He hated that in some ways- he hated being vulnerable, and he hated being dependent on someone else, but being vulnerable in front of Katara wasn't bad. It felt sort of _nice, _in a weird way, like he could just dump all his confusing feelings onto her and she'd sort them out all nice for him, without ever saying "no Zuko, that's stupid."

Depending on Katara felt _natural_.

So he sat in front of her and started babbling about his father, never really saying anything in detail, but vague little pieces, little threads in a much larger, more tangled story. It didn't make any sense, hardly to _him_ even, but Katara nodded anyway, hanging on to his every word.

"I understand," she said, her thumb stroking his palm. "Your father did terrible things to you, things you didn't deserve." She frowned a bit. "But you know that. Don't you?"

"I do and I don't," he admitted. They sat cross legged on the ground across from one another, just holding hands. Sometimes, that felt like all Zuko needed. Just Katara, and her words of comfort, and her hands. It occurred to him then, as it often did, how beautiful she was. _I could just kiss her_, he thought, _without even saying anything. _

But he couldn't tell her now, not until after the war was over. And the promise to Aang, there was still that stupid promise.

Zuko pushed that out of his head.

Instead of saying anything, Katara only gave him that small, tight lipped smile that was now so familiar to him. It was a signal that she wanted him to keep going, that she didn't want to step in just yet. She'd learned as of late that this was the best way to get Zuko to confess his feelings.

"He was my father," he continued, now able to hold her gaze without turning furious shades of red, without babbling incessantly and helplessly. "Imagine if someone that close to you hurt you like that. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my father, who was supposed to love me, would hurt me without reason. So I told myself there had to be reason, there must have been something I'd done." Katara remained silent, so he kept going. "And I'm slowly realizing that what he did was wrong, and maybe I wasn't to blame for his cruelty. But..."

The word _but _worried Katara a great deal, and the worry manifested on her face in chewing lips and knotted brows.

"Zuko..."

"I did a lot of bad things." His voice dropped to a low, guilty mutter. "Maybe he was the one who drove me to do them, but that doesn't excuse it. Not to me. Now everyone _magically_ forgives me, even though I can't forgive _myself_. Even though..." he screwed his face up in agony, the _emotion_ of the thing driving him mad, " Even though _I don't deserve it."_

"Zuko," Katara said softly, inching a little closer. "You earned our trust for a reason, and you worked harder for it than anyone else we've ever met. You _worked_ for our trust. You worked for _my_ trust." She squeezed his hand. It comforted him, but only a little. "People don't just deserve things, they never do. They earn them. You didn't deserve this. No one does." Her hand lingered over his scar. Moving forward a little, Zuko pushed his head into her hand. _It's okay. You can touch it._

_ You're the only one_.

"What about my father?" he asked quietly, nearly mesmerized by the way her fingers made the scar feel smooth, unblemished, and invisible. Her touch felt good, so impossibly good, and even in the seriousness of the moment, Zuko felt a rush of heat throughout his body. "What about what he deserves?"

Katara spoke quietly, carefully. "Your father has tormented hundreds, if not thousands of people. Some of those people are the best people I know." She looked at him seriously. "...I don't know how honest you want me to be."

"Completely."

Her voice dropped to a hush. "He was never your father, Zuko," she said softly, sadly. "He was only your nightmare." Zuko snorted in amazement, _only Katara would have dared say that to him_. Only Katara could look him in the eye and tell him the harsh truths, only Katara could run her hands over his scar and tell him the horrors of his own life. Anyone else would have surely suffered a cruel and terrible fate, or at least a long period of yelling and stomping, but when Katara said it, he knew it was true. And it was okay.

"I know," he muttered, not breaking his gaze. He paused. "I want Aang to kill him."

"I know." There was no judgement on her face. No distress, no disappointment; just understanding. _Katara was the only one who knew_.

Zuko fell headfirst into her shoulder, and felt tears leak out of his eyes. He didn't shake, he didn't sob, it was just cold, even breathing and the hot tears of purging guilt; and words whispered into his ear, "_It's okay, it's okay_."

Slowly, something started to surface in his head. He saw his father, he saw _himself_, kneeling on the ground, crying to Ozai's feet and blinking with two unhurt eyes.

Like vomit, the story started to build in him. It was sudden, the way he realized it, _I have to tell her about the scar_. It was a wrenching feeling in his lungs, like the air was being sucked out of him and the truth was being forced up with it. Memories of fire and his father were rising in his throat, and knew he would only ever be able to retell it once, and only to Katara. _Only Katara_. Raising his eyes he looked at her, not bothering to keep the tremors out of his face. _No pretenses. Just the truth_.

Katara looked back at him, her breath bated. Forcing himself to find comfort in the softness in her eyes, the loose strands of her hair, and the thrumming of her heart, Zuko breathed.

"This is how it happened," he began, his voice strangled. "This is how I got burned."

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Here are some thoughts of mine.

A popular thing I've noticed in the Zutara fandom is that Sokka is usually placed in the role of Super Disapproving and Protective Big Brother, which I don't have an inherent problem with; Sokka _is_ protective, but I don't think he's protective to the point where he'd disapprove of Zuko having feelings for her. As he explains, he thinks Zuko is one really cool dude. Zuko really proved that on the Boiling Rock expedition, and after that, Sokka was really on board for the Zuko Train, so to speak. He sees Zuko as someone he could trust, and I see no reason why he would really disapprove of him and Katara, because they're totally bros.

I debated for a long time whether I wanted to do a "wanna know how I got this scar" scene with Zuko and Katara. Obviously this is one of those Really Big Deal sort of things, but at this point, Zuko is going through a period in which he's learning trust, he's realized he has all these genuine friendships, so I think the story has been jostling around in his head for quite some time. It's just one of those things that have to be done. Katara really wants to know the story but she would never ever ever ask, because she guesses how painful it is- and really, all she wants to do is make Zuko feel better, because that's what Katara does.

In the next chapter, Zuko and Katara have the most extreme of heart to heart conversations and there will probably be tears and lots of hugging. Again, thanks for your patience as this story goes onto a sort of semi-ish hiatus (hiatus is really the wrong word) (there will just be larger gaps between updates) and thanks for reading! I blog about my Zutara feelings frequently, so we can chat about those if you're a person who likes chatting about those sorts of things. hugs and kisses xoxoxoxo


	11. Catharsis

A/N: Good morning/afternoon/evening to all you lovely people! It's that time of day when I say 1. thank you so much for the reviews and continued support, you guys always say the most lovely things 2. thank you for putting up with me 3. ZUTARA 4. it's a new chapter! This was a BIG CHAPTER in that significant things happen and I didn't want to muck them up. I think this is the first chapter that doesn't have a stupid title. Hmm.

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Katara looked somewhere between baffled and astounded. Her lips parted, and her chin dropped to her chest, eyes blinking at the ground. Maybe she didn't know if she was ready to hear it. For a second, Zuko wanted to flee instantly, he wanted to say _never mind it's not that important_ and go back up to his room. _What am I thinking_?

_She can't want to hear this._

"Zuko," she said eventually, her voice low. "You don't have to tell me the story if you don't want to."

"No," he shook his head. "I don't want to. But I have to." He paused, looking at her seriously. "And it has to be you."

Katara swallowed. "Okay Zuko. Of course."

"You should know that this is the first time I've ever...talked about this."

Katara nodded quickly, urgency in her eyes. "You're_ sure_..."

"I'm fine." The words shuddered and lied. _I am fine, though. Really_. _I should be._ Gently, Katara smiled at him and offered a hand. He took it, first admiring the softness of the skin before his fingers turned to iron and clutched her bones. What reassured him most was the strength with which she clutched back, the passion of understanding and compassion throbbing in her veins and beating against the dread in his. Zuko breathed, and confessed.

"I don't know where to start."

"That's fine," she told him. "I'll wait."

She did, and he held his breath.

"Azula," he started. He could start with Azula, because it was through Azula he saw most of his childhood. "She wasn't always crazy. She used to _care_ about me, I think." He gave a quick shake of his head. "Sometimes, after my dad...after he did something, she'd look at me and give me this weird little look, like she felt bad for me, but she couldn't say anything about it." He chewed his bottom lip, staring at the whites of Katara's knuckles, noticing the way they looked like rounded teeth gnawing into his flesh. "She never said anything about it to me, not once."

"About what, Zuko?" Katara asked slowly, carefully.

"It didn't even happen that much," he said, his voice picking up speed. "Only when I did stupid things. But when you made him happy..." he paused, sucking in air. "_That_ was the best thing. Getting a hand on the shoulder, not...not a palm, or a fist, just a _hand_, it was...it was what I _lived _for. I wanted him to look at me and see someone he was _proud_ of, not someone he needed to be ashamed of. He was proud of Azula, though. I hated her for it. She probably hated me, I think she hated watching me suffer so constantly for my misgivings. I could see it, that confusion. She wanted to feel bad for me, but she knew Dad wouldn't allow it. She knew I didn't _want_ it."

"She never said anything?"

Zuko understood Katara's confusion. She was someone's little sister, and she had a firm idea what that role was supposed to be. Nurturing. Caring. He knew that if Sokka came back with an injury he didn't cause himself, Katara would go to hell and back to defend him. She was a protecter, Katara, and Azula was a survivor. Always self reliant, Azula put herself before all else.

It worked, for her. Even now she sat at Ozai's side, still safe, still on his good side. Still, Zuko was suspicious. Ozai didn't _have _a good side. He was a liar and a bully, and Azula, brilliant as she was, tactician as she was, she didn't even suspect it.

"No," he said. "Never."

He paused then, still chewing on his lip. His heart beat words, _abuse, abuse, abuse_. Katara was trying her best, he knew, but she still couldn't keep the anxiety off her face. The reassurance of her smile was belied by the knitting of her eyebrows, the concern shivering as tears in her eyes.

"I remember talking to my uncle," he continued. "If I wanted something, I'd always ask him for it, because I knew he'd give it to me, if...if it was reasonable. He was the one who trained me, he was always...anyway, my dad was holding this huge war meeting. I was thirteen, and I thought it was important that I went. I may have been a failure, but I was _still_ supposed to be Fire Lord someday, and when I told Uncle Iroh I wanted to go in, he let me, even though I could tell he didn't want me to go. Turns out, I should have listened to him." He fell off, and Katara absorbed the information quietly before she gave him the gentle, pressing encouragement he was so used to.

"What happened in the war meeting?"

Zuko's face darkened, and he felt his heart start to pick up. Katara moved on instinct, coming so close she was nearly in his lap. "One of the generals had this horrible plan. He wanted to sacrifice new recruits for a diversion, I think. You know, that's the funny part. I don't even really remember what it was I got so mad about." It was with a bitterness he talked, a dead, wrenching tone. How could he not remember? He spoke against the plan, and fire filled his ears. That's all there was. He didn't even know if it _mattered_, what the plan was. "Anyway, it just made me so _angry_. It was horrible, and in that moment, I realized that my father's cruelty wasn't just limited to me, or even our enemies. It came all the way down to our _own people_, and that...that wasn't fair."

"It doesn't sound fair," Katara sympathized, her hands releasing his and finding his waist. Slender arms wrapped around him and she rubbed circles into his back, still not breaking his gaze. Zuko's mouth twisted.

"No. Not fair at all."

When Katara didn't say anything, Zuko continued.

"I was so upset, I spoke out. I told the general his plan was horrible, and that it was wrong to hurt our own people like that. And that's when things got all messed up." He looked at Katara seriously. "Have you ever seen your dad _really, really_ angry? When he gets so quiet, it looks like he's trying to murder you with his eyes, when every exhale feels like poison and every tiny movement, every little hiss is an attack?"

Katara shook her head slowly. "No," she said quietly, "I haven't."

Zuko swallowed. "That's the look he gave me. I probably should have just backed down. But that wasn't me. I'd made my statement, I'd shown my stance, and now I had to stay there. He...wasn't so happy about it."

His hand clenched into a fist, catching some of Katara's waist in the process. She yelped in surprise, jumping back from him a good few inches. Flustered, Zuko nearly lunged for her in apology.

"Agni, I didn't mean to..."

"Zuko, it's fine, you didn't even..."

"I'm sorry, I just get..."

"I know," she told him, his head suddenly in her hands."If you don't want to keep talking about it, you don't have to. Or you can take as long as it takes. Either way...I'm here for you, okay?"

He nodded.

"Okay."

She smiled a bit, and slid her hands down to his again. They sat in silence for a good long while, but it wasn't silence, not really. Zuko lost himself in the rustling of her skirt as she shifted, or the sound of her lips pursing and pulling at the tension in the air. There was something terrible swarming in his head, and Zuko knew, he knew he'd never be really _truly_ happy until the story was done and passed through his lips to someone else.

So he continued.

"I was told I'd have to fight an Agni Kai," he explained, his voice more ragged than it normally was. The scratches in his throat caught on all his words, spitting them out ineloquently and uneasily. "Uncle...Uncle told me he could get me out of it, that it wasn't still too late. _I can talk to my brother_, he said. _Ozai is cruel, but he's not beyond reason_. He offered to fight for me, but I said no. I was getting _good _at firebending, finally. This was my chance to prove myself to my father, I was finally going to show him I wasn't completely worthless." Zuko laughed, sardonically and bitterly. "I was going to make him _proud _of me. I would have respect, I would have _honor_, and I...I'd have my dad."

There were tears, but he wasn't ashamed of them. He did try to avoid counting how many times he'd cried in front of her, and ignored the fact that he would probably need two hands and at least one foot to do so.

Katara seemed close to tears herself. Silently she waited, probably not daring to speak in fear that Zuko would lose his mind and be unable to finish. She was smart, he reflected. _I feel pretty close to losing my mind_.

"That morning, he kept begging me not to go. I couldn't explain it to him, why I wanted to do it, because I could hardly explain it to myself. Azula...Azula looked at me straight in the eyes and said _you're gonna lose_. Maybe that was her way of warning me. She had a funny way of doing stuff like that." He paused again. _Dad's going to kill you._

_ Really._

_ He is._

Shaking his head, he continued.

"I practiced all morning. I made Uncle help me, and there was something in his face. Something dark, like there was something he didn't want to tell me. Some horrible thing, and I didn't ask him about it. He probably would have told me, if I did. And maybe it could have been avoided. But I didn't. I practiced, and when I was told it was time, I followed a guard all the way to the palace center, where the Agni Kai would be held. I knew I was ready. I wasn't afraid of some general. Even to this day..." his voice turned a little sad, "I'm sure I could have beaten him. I was thirteen. I was angry. I had something, _everything _to prove. I could have done it."

"So..." _why didn't you_, Katara nearly said, but Zuko heard her stop herself.

"Why didn't I?" he looked at her, the steadiness coming with more difficultly. "Because when I got up there, I looked at the crowd to find my father. I saw my uncle, and I saw Azula...and then I saw him."

"Your dad?"

Slowly, he shook his head.

"The general I _thought _I was fighting."

The realization drew over her face like horror, a perfect mirror of himself, three years ago. Her eyes widened and the color drained from her face.

"No, Zuko, no," she whispered. "He couldn't have. That's not _fair_." Her voice raised in indignation, and her back stiffened in anger.

"When I turned around," he said, his voice thick, "he was standing there. My father. Everything was gone. My honor, my pride, my purpose. I was a thirteen year old boy, I realized everything in that second. I didn't have anything to prove, there was nothing I could give. I was small, and I was...I was _weak_, and I was about to be humiliated in front of the entire capitol, by my own father. I was the prince, Katara. I was his _son_."

"Zuko, swe..."

"And he started coming towards me, he...I knew the truth then; he _hated _me. I did the worst thing I could do, I begged, I pleaded, I threw myself on my hands and knees and _cried for him to forgive me_, but that...was the _epitome_ of worthlessness in his eyes. I needed to learn respect, he said. I needed to suffer, he said. I thought I was going to die, I thought he was going to kill me right then in front of everyone. But that would have been too easy, that would have been too _kind_. Instead..." he swallowed, the tears steady and hot, burning his throat and thickening his every word. "Do you know how an Angi Kai is won?"

"When...when one person burns the other," Katara said, her eyes finally falling on the very product of Ozai's cruelty. _The scar. The scar, the scar, the scar. _"They win."

"I refused to fight. Maybe if I did fight, I wouldn't have looked like such an idiot." Zuko pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, feeling a breakdown imminent. _I will get through this. Just once. Just once. _"He came at me. My dad. I was on the ground, I was crying, I couldn't really see anything. I saw Azula, she was...smirking, she was _happy_, she didn't love me, my dad didn't love me, my mother was probably _dead _somewhere, and there I was, fallen on the ground surrounded by people who thought I was worthless and then..."

A pause.

_And then_.

There was really no way to put it, no way to word it that would spell it exactly as it was. _And then the most horrible part of it all happened. And then my father ruined me. And then nothing, not anything could ever be the same. And then I was burning, and then I was screaming, and then there was nothing but fire._

"He hit me," he finished, three simple words choked from his throat. "And it was over."

"Zuko, that's _awful,"_ Katara said, her voice rising and growing angry. "How can you possibly think you deserve something like that? How...how could he possibly_ do that_..." she broke off instantly; she must have seen his face. He was nearly doubling over; it was everything he could do to force air in and out of his lungs. Part of him wanted to rebuff it, to say it was stupid to feel this way about it still, that it happened a long time ago and he should be well over it by now. _But I'm not. I never will be_. Katara put her arms around him, hands rubbing circles into his back. Under her breath, he caught a muttered _Zuko, Zuko_, as if the sound of his name alone could make him feel better. _What a shame that I was born to be Zuko_, he thought angrily. _That I would be given a father like Ozai and an anger like mine._

"The next day I was sent out to sea," he choked after a time, his voice bitter. "Uncle insisted on coming with me. He told me...told me I needed someone. I was too angry to be grateful. I hated him for failing to stop me, I hated him for thinking he could _help _me. I hated the ship, I hated the water, I hated my crew, and I hated myself. It seemed like there was no point in even...even living anymore. There were times when..." he realized what he was about to admit, and stopped, the breath catching in his lungs. _Times when I wanted to die_._ Times when I knew I could have done it myself and spare my father the trouble._

"Times when what, Zuko?" Katara asked, pulling away, her voice so soft, Zuko could feel the hurt in it. Her eyes stared into his. "Don't tell me..."

"I don't feel like that _anymore_," he said, a little loudly. "I mean...I'm not _fine_, but it's not like I want to..."

At that exact moment, Katara let out a sob and threw her arms around him again. "_Spirits, Zuko, if I ever hear that you're thinking...that if you might...spirits you'd better come to me or else..."_

"...Katara,"

"_...because I don't know what I would do without you,_" she sobbed, clutching him so fiercely, Zuko wondered if she'd ever remove herself again.

"I never actually thought I would do it," he told her quietly, his chin resting on her forehead. A strange sense of calm settled into him, and he felt his breathing even out. _Never give up without a fight_. "Not really."

"Good," Katara half shouted, half mumbled into his neck. She paused, and pulled away a little, her eyes fixing on Zuko's. "You have to promise me."

"Katara, I'm not that person anymore, you know that."

"You _have_ to promise me," she insisted, looking at him with a blazing desperation, if that was even the right word. "You have to promise me that...that you'll always be around."

"Katara..." he said, giving both of her hands a squeeze. "Of course I promise."

She nodded thickly. "Thank you," she whispered.

Zuko looked down at the ground, thinking. His first week at sea, of course, was the worst of it. The way the black water hissed and cut at the sides of his ship, he knew it would only take a few minutes for it to do the same to him. The thing was, he knew, was that if his father truly wanted him to die, he would have just done it. _And he nearly did_. But there was always that miniscule, microscopic crack of hope amongst everything else. He trained, he worked, he focused. Every day he fought himself, putting everything he had into the only thing he was purposed to do. _Finding the Avatar_.

Aang always did have an annoying way of keeping him going.

"I know how hard it was, to tell me all that," Katara said after a while. "I can't imagine going through anything like it. And...I'm sorry. I wish it hadn't happened."

"Me either."

"But..." she said, scooting closer and placing a tentative hand on his scar. "I don't think you'd be the person you are if it hadn't."

"I know."

"And...thank you, for telling me," she finally said. "Everything."

"Yeah," he said, his voice gentle. "I guess I feel...a little better."

"You don't have to feel better," Katara told him, her hand moving to his neck. "Not right away."

"It's been three years," he said. "It's been three whole years."

She must not have known what to say to that, so she finished off with her recurring _I'm here for you Zuko, whenever you need me I'll be here_ speech. He listened, settling into a state of content, the relief flooding slowly over his body. Limb by limb, he felt anger wash out of his blood and his veins, as if her words of comfort had pierced little holes all over him to relieve the pressure inside. He felt himself start to relax, slowly, the gentle buzz of love settling back over his body.

"Do you want some tea?" she said eventually, snapping him out of his haze.

"I...yeah, sure," he said, and rose to his feet. He didn't realize how stiff he was from sitting for so long; his joints cracked and he rolled his shoulders in an attempt to loosen them up. He wanted to say something to her. _Thanks for being here_, he could say. _Thanks for being at all. Thank you for forgiving me, thank you for understanding me. _But he didn't.

Katara seemed to understand anyway.

She gave him a small smile, wiped some remaining tears off her cheeks, and walked with him to the kitchen. They sat at the table for a while, occasionally talking, other times just staring at the wood grains and thinking. Zuko reflected that sitting in silence with Katara was better than talking with just about anyone else. He could sit in silence with her, probably forever, and still be happy.

_I can still be happy_.

Aang came into the kitchen, and saw them there, leaning close to one another. Zuko raised his eyes and caught Aang's, and he only looked back with apology.

"Oops, sorry," he said, edging away. "I didn't mean...to interrupt something."

And he ran off.

Katara watched him leave for a moment, her eyebrows knitted in a gentle confusion.

"That's weird," she said. "Usually he stays."

"Yeah," agreed Zuko, turning his head to the door. "I guess he does."

Katara looked back to Zuko and gave him a faint smile, her gaze easy and calm. A flutter rose in his chest, like the thousands of flutters he'd felt for the past few months. The only thing was, this one didn't feel stupid. It was still maddening, it was still overpowering, and it was still infuriatingly overwhelming, but it was also...different. When Katara looked at him, and when her hand enveloped his, the overwhelming and maddening flutter in his chest seemed to join another, a heartbeat bound in a separate cage of ribs and strung up with different heartstrings. Katara laid her head on his shoulder and stayed, and when he put his arm around her, she exhaled.

"I'm glad you're here," she said, after a time. Surprised by the suddenness of her voice in the silence, Zuko turned his head, his lips brushing her hair.

_Me too. I survived and I'm happy. I was abused but I'm happy. I was banished but I'm happy. _For once, the Agni Kai left his mind and all that was left was Katara; just Katara and the heart that he hoped was beating out his name.

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A/N: EERUGH CHEESY LINE I KNOW BUT I LIKE IT OK

Thanks for reading! This chapter was a heavy one. I'm always a fan of the fluffier stuff, but sometimes you just gotta get down to business and confess the origin of your scar to the girl you're in love with. Keep the reviews coming, it always helps me to know what you guys think! If you have any suggestions, never refrain from telling me what they are because I can always use ideas!

In the next chapter: I have no idea seriously help me


	12. Of Love and Comets

A/N: Wow guys, it's been a while! Things have been a little crazy, but finally here's another chapter! In which: It's hot, Aang has A CONFESSION to make, it's hot, and Toph has some things to say. With that, here is the twelfth chapter (so so many chapters)

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It was entirely too hot, oppressively too hot, altogether too hot to do much of anything at all. The beach house was stuffy enough as it was, and Zuko had spent a great deal of his time trying to air things out. There was a huge pile of stuff accumulating outside, old carpets and heavy drapes and things that smelled too much like smoke and too much like his family for him to be comfortable with. He'd been making trips in and out all day, carrying huge piles of stuff, dragging old mattresses from here to there, throwing windows open and propping up with things his father would have thought very valuable. An ornate, gold candlestick holder was wedged under the great big window facing the ocean, and he'd stuffed some of his dad's ceremonial armor in the doorways to keep them open as much as possible. Aang had questioned this, but Zuko had just shrugged and said it was his dad's fault for leaving all of his ceremonial armor lying around.

As it were, it only got hotter and hotter as the comet drew closer. Zuko was mostly used to it; he'd lived in the Fire Nation for most of his life, and it wasn't uncommon for the temperature reach nearly unlivable levels. Aang seemed mostly unaffected; if anything he was only slightly more toned down than usual.

Sokka and Katara were not comfortable in the heat. Katara had resorted to wearing her Fire Nation clothes again, and Sokka had resorted to walking around with very little in the way to do with clothes at all. Once Sokka started going shirtless, Aang followed, and both of them followed Katara around all day, begging her to bend more water into ice.

"Hey Zuko," Aang poked his head outside, where Zuko was standing over the huge pile of stuff, debating whether he should burn it or not. It was pretty hot already, and even though he didn't really mind it, he didn't know if setting a huge fire would be considered detrimental to everyone's comfort or not. "Can we do some practicing?"

He sounded upbeat when he said it, but Zuko could hear the lingering worry in his voice. His eyebrows were knitted together, only slightly, in quiet sort of way. Zuko looked at him, dropped the rug in his hands, dusted them off against his pants.

"Yeah," he said. "I was just going to go find you."

"Okay, great!" Aang smiled a bit, and walked closer, looking at the pile of stuff. "Is that all your dad's old stuff?"

Zuko looked at it, surprised at the lack of emotion it stirred in his chest. Usually, the sight of a huge pile of his dad's would make him feel weird, tumultuous, even, but he didn't feel much of anything. He nodded.

"Yeah." He crossed his arms, and Aang put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sometimes, accepting the past is the best way to deal with your problems," he said, "but sometimes, it's also good to forget. There's nothing wrong with a good, healthy cleansing."

"I guess you're right," Zuko said, looking back at the pile. He sighed. "I guess we should burn it, huh?"

"I think we should," Aang nodded. He took a great big exhale, his shoulders pushing up at the air and dropping on the release. "I think it's what you need."

He supposed Aang was right, but really, he wasn't being as _Zuko_ about it as Aang seemed to be expecting. Really, he felt fine. It was a weird feeling, being sort of fine.

Either way, Zuko opened a palm at the pile, breathed, and let a steady stream of fire burn from his skin. Ozai's stuff caught fire pretty quickly, it started to writhe and crumple underneath the heat, the orange flames distorting the old carpets and scrolls, that musty smell escaping into the air. Zuko watched as portraits of his father curled, portraits of his sister and of him, portraits of his cousin.

It was only when one of his mother's faces caught fire that his stomach started to twist.

Aang stood beside him, he extended a hand, breathed, and did the same. One, small, spurt of fire, but it latched near the bottom and spread quickly, incredibly quickly. Smoke billowed from the top of the pile, it curled cruelly into the air and stretched it's way up to the clouds.

Once the fire had started to simmer down, Aang bent some water over it and tore away the remaining flashes of heat. "There," he said. "How do you feel?"

Zuko shrugged.

"Alright, I guess."

"That's good." Aang looked strangely solemn. Sighing, he wiped a forearm across his forehead. "Man, it's hot out. Must be the comet, huh?"

"It's always hot here," Zuko said, taking a few steps down the beach to the water. Aang followed. "But yeah, it's probably the comet."

Aang nodded, looked at the ground, looked at his hands. "I don't know what it is, but I still don't feel good about firebending. How am I supposed to feel when the comet comes?" He paused, still looking at his hands. They seemed small, with narrow palms and delicate fingers, the hands of a boy. "What do you think it'll feel like?"

Zuko didn't know. He could feel the comet coming, of course. Every day, he felt it in his blood a little more as it drew closer, as it burned through the air. It was like a growing feeling of restlessness, and he found himself sleeping less and less.

"Firebending is going to be your most valuable resource," he said instead. "My father will be strong, but you'll be stronger. You'll be faster. He won't lose his head, so you can't lose yours. When he comes at you, it'll be with fire, and that's how you have to go back at him, otherwise he'll think you're weak. And if he thinks you're weak, you won't be able to get another word in." He stiffened, looked at the sky. "You need fire."

Aang stayed silent for a good long while, something unusual for him. His face turned quietly thoughtful, his eyes just looking out at the waves curling against the glass of the water. In that silence, he seemed to Zuko older than anyone he'd known, older and wiser somehow, even more so than his own uncle. Aang breathed steadily, something like resolve building in his face.

"I'll do it," he said. "I'll beat him."

"Beat him," Zuko asked, "Or kill him?"

Aang slumped, turned twelve again. "I don't know!" he said, running a hand over his head. "I can't just kill someone. Can I?"

"That's your decision," Zuko said, his voice rough. "I can't make it for you."

"But...if you _could_..."

"Aang," Zuko interrupted him. "I don't think you're ready for my answer."

Aang nodded, and he swallowed visibly.

"I know you told Katara what happened," he said, looking at him significantly. "And I'm glad you were able to talk about it. You seem a lot better."

"I feel a little better," Zuko admitted, his boots slipping in the sand. "A little."

"She really seems to understand you," Aang said. There was no contention in his voice, no unhappiness. It was just that, a statement, with no residual feelings of anger.

"Yeah," was all Zuko could say. "She does."

Silence.

"You're my friend," Aang said after a long while. "And it doesn't feel right. That...that thing I made you promise. It was stupid." He sighed, kicked at the ground. "I know it's not up to me."

"What do you..."

"You know what I mean," Aang frowned, still not looking at him. "No matter what happens, Katara's feelings are bigger than both of us. It was wrong for me to make you promise that. It wasn't my place. I'm the Avatar, I'm supposed to support love...when I see it." Zuko turned his head to look at him, he sighed and sat down on the beach. "I just really wished she liked me."

"I know," Zuko said, sitting down next to him. He looked at the sea, a little too blue, a little too tumultuous. "But it's not like she likes me."

"She does."

Zuko didn't know what to say to that. He supposed he knew it was true, but that didn't seem like the proper thing to say, so he just crossed his legs and let his fingers trail through the sand.

"That's okay, though," Aang said slowly, his voice quiet. "It is. You really seem to need her. I guess she feels the same way."

"Maybe."

"And it's okay," Aang repeated, breathing calmly. "Really. I think I just needed time." He paused, took some time to visibly collect himself, and eyed Zuko carefully. "Are you in love with her?"

Zuko didn't say anything.

Instead, he only looked away, suddenly red in the face, feeling suddenly guilty. _Don't feel guilty_, he tried to tell himself. _Not for this. Feel guilty for everything else, but not for this_. In quick, even jerks he nodded his head and hunched his shoulders.

"You should have told me sooner," Aang said, sounding a little sad. "I hate to be the one that stops you."

This struck him as odd. Here was the kid who made him promise to stay away, here was the kid who asked him to forget about his feelings and just move forward. But here was Aang, selfless, as he was with everything else. Maybe this was just the last step.

"Here," Aang said suddenly, creating a huge gust of wind that brought him to his feet. His face was lit, youthful and bright, yet there was something a little deeper there. "Stand up."

"Why?"

"Just do it," Aang said, tugging on his arm. He lifted Zuko to his feet, and met him in a firebending stance. He smiled honestly. "I think I just needed to hear it from you, that you loved her. I think that's all I needed it. Come on, let's practice! I want to get that spinning thing down before tomorrow."

"Alright," Zuko said, smirking slightly, bending his knees and breathing into a deep stance. He cocked a fist by his ear, opened a palm at Aang, at his friend. He paused. "Thanks."

Aang smiled, dipped his head in a bow. "You're a good friend, Sifu Hotman," he said. "But I wasn't being a good friend to you. I realize that now."

Feeling heat rise to his face, Zuko started to feel awkward, but he appreciated what Aang was saying so he just gave him what he hoped was a pretty normal smile. "I appreciate it," he said, his voice raspier than normal. He coughed. Aang beamed.

"Now let's practice!" he said, and with a great flurry of energy, spun into the air in a burst of flame. Zuko did the same, feeling the way the heat burned against his skin. The flames, they were so close to his skin, so close and so close to burning and scaring, but they wouldn't, not this time. Moving steadily through stances, Zuko directed the fire around his heels with precision, he stirred his fingertips in the heat and breathed, feeling flames lick out of his lips and hiss into the air. Under his control, it couldn't hurt him, and he breathed, kicked, watched the sky burn.

* * *

Truth be told, Zuko was kind of getting sick of the heat.

Initially, he had taken great pride in the fact that he could withstand it better than everyone else; he didn't dress any differently, he didn't go about his day any differently, he only made sure enough windows were open so that everyone _else_ could be comfortable, but really, he felt fine. But as the day grew longer, it only grew hotter, and Zuko found the heat getting to be really too much. It was giving him energy, incredibly annoying amounts of energy, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do with himself. He'd offered to help Sokka with battle plans, but Sokka was already working on those with Suki, he said, and Zuko had probably not come in, he said, and really they were very secret plans and shouldn't be seen by anyone. Annoyed, Zuko had stomped away to find Katara, but she was in town with Toph.

"Why didn't they ask me to go?" he'd asked Aang, who was the only one left. Aang had shrugged.

"I think they decided that it's not a good idea for you go to town," he'd said, rubbing the top of his head. "I mean...you're pretty recognizable."

"I am _not_," Zuko huffed, but he knew the truth of it, so he'd just practiced firebending until it got dark.

Currently, he was splayed out on his bed, facedown, the window flung open as far as it could go. Hot, evening air stayed stagnant in his room, and he let out a huff. Along with the boiling energy under his skin, the heat had become so thick he could hardly move, so there was little hope of him ever falling asleep. _How am I supposed to sleep if it feels like I'm breathing boiling water_?

There was a little, quiet knock on his door, and Zuko responded by grumbling loudly.

"Zuko," Toph complained from the other side of the door. "It's way too hot in this house, there's no way I can sleep. It's terrible."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"I want you to make me a snack."

"What...how will that help?"

"I don't know, it just will!"

"I'm not making you a snack, Toph, just go to bed," he said into his pillow, refusing to move. _The longer I stay still, the sooner my body will just shut down and I'll fall asleep._

"I already told you I can't sleep," she insisted loudly. "Are you deaf, or what?"

Realizing she wasn't just going to go away, Zuko forced himself to sit up, the heat pressing down on his body. "If I make you a snack, will you go to bed?"

"I can't make any promises."

Figuring that was about as good as it was going to get, he relented and got off his bed. He crossed the room to the door and opened it, where a very bedraggled looking Toph was standing. The humidity, he guessed, had been no kinder to her than it was to him; her hair was the most gigantic he'd ever seen it.

"You rock, Hotpants," she said tiredly, rubbing her eyes. Not really in the mood to protest the nickname, Zuko allowed it and walked with her to the kitchen. Beneath his feet, the old wooden steps creaked with every step, almost like the house was yelling at him for being awake.

In the darkness of the kitchen, Zuko attempted to find something to prepare, but it was so dark, he ended up bringing nearly every pot and pan in the cupboards to the floor. Laughing, Toph remarked, "Wow, you're blind in the dark."

Unamused, Zuko lit the lamps over the sink and bent down to pick up all the things he'd dropped, grumbling heavily. He didn't bother to put them away properly, all he really wanted to do was go back to bed and lay there until he melted.

The only thing he could really think of to make was noodles, because that's all they had_, _so he boiled some water and started to stir noodles into the pot. Toph, apparently, did not like this.

"What are you making?"

"I don't know, noodles?"

"That's a horrible snack."

"Well," Zuko threw down his spoon and turned to her. "What do you want, then?"

"I'm just kidding, jeez," Toph yawned and waved her hand. "You can make noodles. Sprits only know Katara bought enough of them, we might as well eat them."

"Yeah, why did she buy so many?" Zuko asked, frowning at the cupboard. It was packed with them. Toph shrugged.

"Maybe they were on sale. Hey, speaking of Katara..."

"It's pretty late Toph, I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"...I just wanted to see if you were doing okay," she finished irritably. "You seemed to have a pretty intense conversation the other day, I could feel you guys freaking out through the floorboards all the way across the house."

"Oh." Zuko paused. "Yeah, I'm...I'm okay." It felt weird, saying it. Maybe it was true. Partially, it was. He turned to Toph and looked at her, sitting in a kitchen chair with her feet up on the table. She yawned widely, and something occurred to him then, that with her feet on the table, she couldn't see. As she picked her teeth with a finger, Zuko had to smile in spite of everything, in spite of the heat and the time of night and the guilt still lingering in his chest. Toph couldn't even see him smiling, maybe that's why he felt comfortable doing it.

"I overheard a bit of the conversation," Toph said after a while, a little guiltily. "I didn't mean to, but...I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't catch the whole thing, but I know what it's like to have a family you don't feel like you belong to. And that's okay, because...because we have each other, right?"

Zuko, realizing this conversation was more important than noodles, put his spoon down and sat at the table with her. His fingers crossed and his hands came together on the table's surface.

"Yeah," he said, "we do."

Toph closed her eyes and smiled, the gentle expression strange on her face.

"I never really had friends, before."

"I don't think any of us did."

"Aang did."

"Aang is friends with literally _everyone_, he doesn't count."

Toph laughed and gave him a light punch on the shoulder. He felt the corner of his mouth jerk up for a moment, and he started to laugh too. Tired as he was, he didn't really mind being awake anymore. Sleep wasn't going to happen in the humidity anyway, he'd been away from the Fire Nation too long to have been accustomed to the heat. There was a time, he knew, when he could fall asleep no matter how hot it was, because falling asleep could be the best defense. When he was asleep, even if the air was burning, even if his father was furious and he was at fault, he'd still felt safe.

Now, the heat was just too uncomfortable, and safety wasn't something he needed.

"You know," Toph said after a while, "I'm glad everyone came around about letting you into our group. They were being pretty dumb about it."

"Maybe." Zuko poured some noodles into a bowl, and started looking for a pair of clean chopsticks. "It worked out fine, I guess."

"I told them all from the beginning you weren't so bad," Toph yawned. "I knew you were a dork."

"What?"

"A dork," she repeated, taking the bowl from him as he sat down across from her. "I know you seem like this angry, confused jerk from the outside, but I knew you were a huge dork since I first laid eyes on you."

Zuko stared blankly at her. "_Have_ you ever laid eyes on me?"

Toph scowled. "Hey, you leave the blind jokes to me." Her tone was threatening, but the noodles sticking out of her mouth made her look comical, and Zuko snorted in spite of himself. Toph snorted back, and accidentally spat all of her noodles back into her bowl.

This didn't seem to deter her from eating them again.

They talked for a while; Zuko asked her about metalbending and she responded enthusiastically, her explanations always punctuated with words and phrases like _awesome_ and _best ever _and _basically a genius_.

"And there was this night where it _really_ would have come in handy," she said, "when those three girls were chasing us all over the place, all night. I could have just ripped up their tanks _in my sleep. _Then, I might have actually got some." She yawned. "What a stupid night."

Something must have occurred to her then, because she started laughing. "What?" Zuko asked, watching her as she threw her head back and cackled.

"It's just something Sokka said," she laughed, acting as if she were wiping away a tear. "I asked him who you were, and he told me _'some angry freak with a ponytail_.'"

"Who is he to talk?" Zuko exclaimed loudly, just about sick and tired of the ponytail discussion. "_He has a ponytail._ We've talked about this a billion times."

"Calm down," Toph put on an air of boredom, but her stretching yawn was genuine. "Geez."

Zuko remained silent, his eyes stuck on her empty noodle bowl. He asked her if she was done, and she said yes, so he took it back to the sink and gave it a quick, halfhearted wash. "Okay," he said, turning back to her. "Time for..."

But Toph had fallen asleep in her chair.

Sighing, Zuko nearly just walked back up to his room, but once he got to the stairs, he turned back around. With what he hoped were gentle arms he picked her up, and carried her back upstairs. She was surprisingly light.

With his foot, Zuko pushed open the door to her room and put her as nicely as he could in her bed, not bothering to put any sheets over her. As he turned to leave, he heard her mutter _"you're such a dork_," and he smiled quietly, shutting her door behind him.

When he finally got back to his own room, he flopped on his mattress, the heat so heavy. He didn't even pay attention to which way he was facing; all he knew was his exhaustion and the heat. Eventually, his exhaustion won and he fell asleep, finding some final stretches of comfort in the peace of his bed.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading, and thank you for all your continued support/patience!

This chapter felt like my chance to make the I DO NOT DISLIKE AANG statement, because I don't. In the end, I think Aang would be the kind of kid who would be okay with Zutara, if he knew they really loved each other, because he's a good kid and he's understanding. However, I think he does have some selfish qualities (this is the same kid who crumpled up the map to Sokka and Katara's dad, after all), but he always moves past them. So this is him, moving past them! Yay Aang, good for Aang.

IN THE NEXT CHAPTER: Sokka lectures, Zuko makes a few attempts at progress, and the Gaang discusses A POTENTIAL NIGHT AT THE THEATER.


	13. Battle Attack Move No Seventy Four

A/N: It's chapter time! This one was hindered by my regular lame excuses except I also had finals and Zutara month to take care of, so if you want to listen to my excuses...those are them! Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this story, I couldn't do this without you guys! As usual, I am utterly flummoxed and flattered by all the lovely things people say about this stupid thing, and I wish I could pull you all to my chest and hug you if you don't think that's creepy. IN THIS CHAPTER, there is talk of battle plans, Katara yells at some people, and Sokka comes up with a PLAN which involves WHACKY, TIME WASTING NONSENSE. Enjoy!

* * *

"Okay," Sokka declared importantly, sitting cross legged amidst a widespread mess of paper. "Say the Fire Lord goes here." He jabbed a finger into a map. "And Aang moves here." Another finger. "Suki and I will cross," he showed them, "and get him from this angle. Katara, you'll do a fancy water trick, and freeze his beard to the ground. So that's battle attack move...seventy four. Moving on to number seventy five..."

Zuko sighed.

It was hot. It had been hot for weeks, but this felt like the hottest day so far. The heat was so immense, it was all anyone could do to walk from one room to the other, but Sokka had taken initiative and demanded a _meeting._ Sun was pouring into the little living room where the whole gang sat, each person in various states of boredom and discomfort as Sokka blathered on about battle plans.

_It's so hot, it's buzzing_, Zuko thought grumpily, pushing sweat away from his forehead. It was so hot, Zuko and Aang had both agreed that firebending would be absolutely miserable, and they absolutely weren't going to do it. Katara had protested this for quite some time, but eventually the heat got to her too, and she gave up. In the bright light, the dust particles in the air were illuminated, giving the old room a shimmering quality. Zuko's eyes lazily tracked a piece of dust from one side of the other, and he yawned widely.

"...now, we have to remember that the Fire Lord will be all jacked up on comet power," Sokka said. "So our key players will be Zuko and Aang, who will also be jacked up on comet power. It's possible that all the heat will dehydrate the air, and water will be harder to come by, so Katara, you'll have to stick close to one of those guys."

"I know which one," Toph muttered in a tired, but still sing song voice. Zuko, who sat with his arms stretched out behind him, his body relaxed and his ankles crossed, didn't even bother glaring. He saw Katara shake her head out of the corner of her eye, but the corner of her mouth was quirked in a slight smile. Zuko supposed that meant something enough, and he went back to watching the dust. Katara put her head in her hands and sighed deeply, as if something was bothering her. _It's the damn heat_, Zuko thought, _and the damn war._ It was getting to all of them.

"Which plan is this again?" Aang asked, rubbing his forehead. "Fifty three or fifty two?"

"Seventy six!" Sokka said indignantly. "Pay attention!"

"Sokka, we've been doing this for hours," Katara said. "Let's take a break. I think we could _all_ use a dip in the water."

"Yes!" Aang shot up back to a sitting position. "I think that's a great idea."

"But we only have..." Sokka riffled through the papers, "one hundred and eighty one battle moves to go!"

The group groaned collectively.

"That's it," Toph grumbled. She fell backwards dramatically, laying spread eagled on the floor. "I'm giving up. Just leave me here to die."

Suki looked at Toph with a great deal of concern, and turned back to Sokka. "Honey," she said in a soft, placating tone. "I think it'd be best if we came back to this refreshed. We've been sitting in here for three hours. I think Toph is starting to melt."

Sokka frowned, but then sighed.

"Okay, _fine_. We'll take a five minute break..." Aang whooped and leapt into the air. "_But only five minutes and then we have to pick right back up!"_

Toph gave him a firm _whatever, Captain Boomeraang_ and stood up, rubbing at her eyes with the heel of her hand. Grumbling, Sokka collected his papers, rolling them all up and stuffing them into a corner. Suki consoled him, saying _of course they cared, it was just too hot to think about battle plans, _and Sokka didn't really have an argument for that.

As much as Zuko didn't want to sit in his parlor and listen to Sokka's lectures, he also didn't really want to go out to the water and sit around on the beach. The house may have brought uncomfortable memories, but the beach was filled with those much more recent and more embarrassing, than anything.

"You guys go," he said, looking to Katara and Aang, who were already both halfway out of the door. "I'll catch up."

"Are you sure?" Katara asked, sounding a little disappointed. "Do you have something better to do?" Aang looked at Zuko with wide, enthusiastic eyes and nodded at him.

"Yeah, you should come outside with us! We can play a game of Water Ball!"

"Something tells me I won't be very good at that."

"You can make sandcastles!"

"I just really think I don't..."

"You can bury Sokka in twenty feet of sand!"

Part of that did sound appealing to Zuko, but he shook his head anyway. "We don't have time for stuff like this anyway. I'm gonna go work on some firebending."

"No you're not, it's five thousand degrees," Aang said, tugging on his arm. "I know you're just going to go sulk about something."

Katara looked between them, obviously dying to get out in the water. "If he doesn't want to come, he doesn't have to," she said, with a twinge of annoyance in her voice. "If he thinks sulking is more fun that being with his friends then..."

"I never said I was going to go sulk! _He _said that!" Zuko cut in, getting annoyed. "I said I was going to work on...stuff!"

"Stuff like what?" Katara asked, her voice rising. "You know, we spend every second of every _day _trying to make _you_ feel better about stuff, maybe you should do the decent thing and meet us halfway!"

"Katara..." Aang said, looking between the two of them with wide eyes. "I don't think..."

"Meet you halfway?" Zuko started to yell, his anger billowing quickly. "Is that what you want? Haven't I been pouring my damn soul out to you every other day? Don't you think I'm _trying_? Don't you realize how hard it is to be in this stupid house, with..." he got too flustered to continue, and just stood there, wringing his hands through his hair while Katara, beautiful Katara, glared at him.

_Why is she so mad at me_? He thought angrily, the idea of her anger like the feeling of betrayal. _What the hell did I even do?_

"You know, you could ask any one of us how _we're _doing," Katara said, eyebrows crunched together. "You could ask _me_."

With that, she turned around and started to storm off. Zuko started to shout, while Aang shrugged at him meekly and ran off after Katara.

"What? You can't just leave! You're not even making sense!"

But she was gone.

Angry, Zuko could think of little else to do but to stomp around the parlor in circles, the paper of Sokka's maps and charts slipping and crunching under his feet. The heat of the air was nothing compared to the frustration welling in his chest; why did she get so mad at him? So mad, all of the sudden?

A voice came into his head, familiar, achingly familiar, and painful. _You blow up over every little thing! You're so impatient, hotheaded, and angry!_

Zuko sighed, fisted a hand in his hair, and sat down. Maybe he was impatient, maybe he was a hothead. But Katara wasn't supposed to be, Katara was supposed to understand him, she was supposed to _care_.

"What are you doing in here?" Suki poked her head in through the window. "Did you do something to Katara?"

"No!" he yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "I didn't do anything! She just blew up over nothing!"

Suki gave him a bit of a sympathetic look, paired with a _well maybe you deserved it_ look. "Like you've never done that before."

He just grumbled.

"Well," Suki said, tapping her hands on the windowsill. "You should come out to the beach anyway. Aang's been splashing Sokka every time he turns his back, it's really funny."

She gave the windowsill one last tap, and retracted her head. Zuko sighed.

His dignity told him not to go outside, to sit and sulk in the parlor until everyone got back, but spitefulness told him he should go outside and _prove _to Katara that he was capable of having fun. So, very begrudgingly, he stood up and made his way out to the water, where his friends were.

Katara was sitting down, her legs wrapped around her knees, seemingly engaged in conversation with Sokka, who was shaking his head and speaking very quickly. Aang had switched targets, it seemed, from Sokka to Toph, who ducked just out of the way before the wave of water hit her, yelling angrily about how it was impossible for Aang to hit her, and he should just give up already. Suki turned and saw Zuko coming, waved happily.

"Oh good!" Aang called. "Now we have enough people for Water Ball!"

"I'm not playing Water Ball," Zuko insisted, coming up to the waters edge and pulling his tunic off his shoulders. He let it drop to the sand, felt the sun on his skin. He sat down and immediately fell on his back, shielding his eyes from the sun with a forearm. "I just needed some air."

"So you got all your work done? That's good." Aang swirled over next to him, kicking up a great deal of sand in the process. Zuko coughed. "Sorry."

"Yeah," he said, spitting out sand.

"We could play volleyball," Aang suggested, still eager, it seemed, for some kind of group activity. "Sokka?"

"Only if Toph's on my team," he said, turning around quickly. He seemed to have dropped his _five minutes only _rule in favor of having fun. Typical Sokka. Katara sighed, her eyes fixed on some point in the distance. Zuko started grumbling again. _What's she so grumpy about, anyway?_

"I'll play if Zuko plays," Toph said, kicking some sand onto him. "I don't think he'd had fun in sixteen years."

"I've had _fun_," he insisted, swatting her feet away, sitting up. "I've played volleyball before."

"With who? Azula?"

"Yes," he said, standing up and looking at her defiantly. "With Azula."

"Then it wasn't very fun, was it?" Toph said, snickering.

"He's not going to play," Katara said, suddenly brushing past him. "Just forget it."

Zuko looked at Aang, who shrugged and shook his head. "I don't get it either," he offered. Suki just shrugged too, but Sokka kicked him in the knee.

"Go talk to her," he said, moving behind him to shove him roughly by the shoulders.

"Ow, fine!" Zuko rubbed one of his shoulders and glared at Sokka before he stalked off, following Katara as she walked alongside the water.

"Katara!" he called, watching as the wind caught her hair and pulled up towards the sky, where the sun burned and started to lower. "Katara!"

His feet slipped on the unsteady ground. She was much better at walking in the sand than he was, but he was faster than her, and she didn't seem to be trying to evade him, not really. He was nearly caught up to her, when a crab or some other infernal sort of clawed creature clamped onto one of his toes.

"_Damnit_," he yelled, throwing his foot into the air in hopes of shaking the thing off. Instead, it only clamped down harder, and he stamped on it with his other foot. "_Piece of shit crab_!"

He firebent at it, not gently. It was only when it was burnt and scuttling away did he realize that Katara was watching him.

"Katara," he said again, holding his foot in one hand, the crab bite throbbing more painfully than he would have ever expected a crab bite to be.

"What are you doing?" She snapped like she was still mad, but there was a softer tone in her voice and a softer look in her face than there had been even a minute ago.

"I'm trying to talk to you," he said, hopping awkwardly on one foot. "But a crab bit me." Katara shook her head at him.

"You're pathetic," she said, but she stopped walking anyway. Zuko ignored the comment and hopped closer.

"Why are you so mad at me?" he demanded. "You haven't yelled at me like that since before we...before we were friends. But I thought I fixed all of that, I thought..."

Katara groaned, and brought her hands to her head where her fingers tangled in her hair, already messy from the wind. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Not really!"

"You're always moping around, always sulking off, and for all that we do for you, you still don't seem to want anything to do with us. You're always alone."

"I can't help it," he said, annoyed. "Look, I'm sorry if I'm not entertaining enough for you, but sometimes things are just too complicated."

"Believe me," Katara said, giving him a sharp look, "I _know _about complicated."

"I thought you understood," Zuko said, gesturing wildly with his hands. "Katara, I've...I've told you _everything_, things I've never even told my _uncle_."

"I...I know," Katara brushed the skin of her shoulder with her fingers, and looked down at the ground where sand sprinkled over her toes. "I just wish you'd include yourself more."

"And that's worth yelling at me over?"

Katara sighed, and scrunched her face up so that the skin between her eyebrows crinkled. "I guess not." She sighed once more before flopping down heavily on the sand, and crossed her arms around her knees. Pressing a palm to her forehead, Katara's fingers curled and her whole body seemed to curl in, like there was some invisible force pushing on her from all sides. "I'm sorry."

Hovering, Zuko stood for a second next to the water, wondering if it was okay to sit down next to her or not. But the truth of her sadness seem to come over him suddenly, and he felt like an idiot for not seeing it before. Silently, he sat down next to her, and turned his head just so he could barely see her out of the corner of his eye.

"I am trying to come to terms with being so accepted," he said quietly, "and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pushing you away. All of you."

"It's okay," she said. "I know you're not trying to do it." Her teeth pulled at her lips, and she turned her head just barely, the slender lines of her neck twisting, burnished by the sun. "It's just sometimes, I get so angry, even though I know I shouldn't be."

"Yeah," Zuko said, watching her. "I get it."

She snorted a little, and covered both eyes with the heels of her hands, either smiling or grimacing. "Right. You should know, huh?"

Nodding, Zuko stretched his arms out behind him and put his weight on his palms, his body slumping. He listened to the water, and watched it curl up onto the sand, like it was reaching for it, trying to devour it and take it somewhere, somewhere better. Zuko watched the foam on the curves of the water, watched them float there, pooling at the end of the sea and melting down into the dust of the beach.

"We used to fight pretty bad," he said, still staring out at the water. "Didn't we?"

"It seems like such a long time ago," Katara looked down at her lap. "But we did."

He looked at her. "Sorry I called you a peasant."

Katara laughed a little. "Sorry I called your ponytail stupid."

"_Thank you_."

She smiled gently; Zuko watched her eyes as they moved down his body to the hand that was curled on the ground. She took it, and sighed.

"I am sorry I yelled at you," she said.

"It's fine," he said, moving his hand so his fingers interlaced hers. "I mean, we all get angry." He paused, half mesmerized by the feeling of her hand, of her skin, of her bones. "Are you okay?"

Katara half smiled at him before she turned her eyes back to the ground. The wind pushed some of her hair in front of her face, and before Zuko even knew what he was doing, he reached and pushed it behind her ear, his fingers lingering ever so slightly on her neck before he pulled his hand back to his lap. Katara blushed visibly, and Zuko felt something inside of him lurch.

"I'm just worried," she said eventually. "About the comet. What Sokka said earlier, about the water being dehydrated? He's right. What if I can't do anything? I've spent so much time fighting, to prove that I'm a fighter, that I'm a warrior, but what if, when it really matters...there's nothing I'll be able to do?"

"That won't happen," Zuko told her, surprised that she was worried about that, surprised that any doubt of her strength had even occurred to her. "You're the best waterbender I've ever seen." He squeezed her hand, and she leaned on his shoulder in response. Even that, that little thing, nearly took all of his breath and stripped it away. Her cheek rubbed softly against his shoulder and she nuzzled into his body, pressed her head into the crook of his neck.

"I'm worried," she said, the breath of her voice just barely making contact with Zuko's skin, "that I might never see my dad again."

"What?"

"I've said goodbye to him so many times," she said, voice breaking just a little. "And I can't help thinking that it might have been the last time. How many times can you say goodbye to someone before they just..."

She started to cry, and Zuko couldn't think of anything else to do put his arms around her, to put her to his chest and press his chin to the top of her head. He wanted to say the words she needed, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be. _I'm shit at this_, he thought miserably, running a hand up and down her back.

"There's something my uncle always used to tell me," he said eventually, watching the sky turn dark against the sea. "That...that if you lose someone, you'll be able to find pieces of them in the ones you love. That people we lose, don't really just go away."

"I don't even know if he knows what we're doing," Katara said, "I never told him what our plan was. It sounds so insane, fighting the Fire Lord when he has more power, more strength than anybody?"

"No," Zuko said, bending his neck so one of his temples pressed against the side of her head, so that his lips could touch the top of her ear, if he wanted them too. "Aang will have more strength than anybody that day. You have to believe that."

Feeling her nod against him, Zuko exhaled, sat there on the beach and listened to the beating of the water on the shore, in time with the beating of Katara's heart, so close it felt like it could have been his own.

"Maybe you're right," Katara said, "about people not really leaving. We'll be fine. Sokka's drawn a million plans, we've been doing nothing but practicing, we've worked so hard at this. We're...we're supposed to win. Aren't we?"

"Wherever your dad is," Zuko told her, "he knows what he's doing. From what I've heard Sokka say, he's a smart guy, and a good warrior. I can tell, because I don't know how else you two would have got that."

"Zuko..."

"I mean it," he said firmly, pulling his head away to look her in the eyes. "You're a warrior. And I don't think you'll be beaten so easily. By anyone."

"Thanks, Zuko," Katara said, watching him as Zuko reached forward to wipe some of the tears off her face. Zuko held his breath, moved his thumb over her cheek, and kept his eyes fixed, steady. Katara blushed again and drew her shoulders in, but she straightened ever so slightly, something just shy of a smile on her face. He watched her as her eyes flicked back and forth, just barely enough to move from one side of his face to the other. He watched as her lips parted and closed, again and again, watched the way her eyelashes spread just under her eyebrows, the way they flushed against her skin when she blinked. Zuko middle finger swept over her earlobe, and he could swear he felt her shiver.

A rock hit him in the back of the head.

Zuko pitched forward in his surprise, and accidentally pinned Katara to the ground. Her eyes flew open wide, and she pushed up at the ground, looking more confused than he'd ever seen her.

"What...Sokka!" she yelled, annoyed. "What are you doing?" Zuko grumbled and shifted his weigh to his palms. He fell back to his knees and turned around, glaring. Sokka stood off in the distance, waving his arms.

"Hey! You two! We're going back inside! Battle plans!" Sokka yelled, hitting his palm with the edge of his hand repeatedly. "Stop making out and get back in the house, pronto!"

"What...WHAT?" Katara screeched, flying to her feet. "SOKKA!"

She ran at him, sand flying under her feet. Growing smaller and smaller, she eventually reached him and gave him a visible slap that made Zuko wince.

"Ouch," he muttered under his breath, making his way back. Katara stormed inside, visibly fuming, and Sokka stood rubbing a hand morosely over his cheek.

"That's rough, buddy," Zuko said, making a point to shove lightly against his shoulder as he passed him. He went to walk into the house, but Sokka stopped him.

"Hey, just trying to move things along," he said, touching his cheek gingerly.

"You threw a rock at my head."

"Yes! Helpful! Now whenever Katara sees rocks, she'll be subconsciously reminded of you."

"That makes no sense."

"You don't make sense," Sokka insisted, putting his hands on his hips. "The comet is less than two weeks away, and you haven't even told her you liked her yet. You're running out of time. I know you got Aang's go ahead, I don't know what's stopping you."

"I appreciate your help," Zuko said, in a way which he hoped Sokka would know really meant _stop trying to help me it's not helping at all_, "but I actually think it's going okay."

"Well I heard from _someone_ that _someone _told her that she likes a certain _someone _and if _someone_ would just..."

"You're going to have to use at least ONE name, Sokka."

Sokka huffed. "Suki told me she was talking to Katara, and Katara really likes you. All you have to do is tell her."

"Oh really? Is that it? That's all I have to do? _Tell her?_ Wow Sokka, I had _no _idea. Thank you for all your help." He clapped him on the shoulder and started to walk away, but Sokka yanked on his arm and pulled him back.

"I'm serious, Zuko. Look, I have a _plan_."

"A _plan_?"

"Yeah, a plan. Suki and I were in town the other day, and we saw these posters." He reached into his back pocket and proudly produced a little folded up piece of paper, which he began to rapidly unfold. When it was properly unfurled, he waved it in Zuko's face a few times before Zuko growled and snatched it away so he could look at it properly.

"What...what _is_ this?" he frowned, looking at the poster. The first thing that caught his eye was the girl dressed in Water Tribe clothes, next to a girl dressed as...Aang? Could that be right?

"This is my favorite part," Sokka snickered, pointing to the top of the poster, where two glaringly menacing golden eyes hovered over everyone else.

"What..._is that supposed to be me?" _Zuko demanded, his fingers clenching around the parchment.

Sniggering, Sokka nodded. "Look how _evil_ you look."

"What is this?" Zuko yelled. _The Boy in the Iceburg._

"It's a play," Sokka snatched the poster from Zuko and crammed it back into his pocket. "That we're totally going to tomorrow."

"I'm not going to that play."

"Why not? You're in it! And besides," Sokka lowered his voice and nudged Zuko in the ribs, not gently. "I hear a night at the theater is _totally romantic._"

"Not...if...you guys are there!" Zuko said, pushing Sokka away. "I'm not going to see a play about myself."

"It's not about you, it's about Aang," Sokka corrected. "And all of us! Come on. I'll propose the idea tomorrow, like I _all the sudden thought of it. _It'll be great."

"I'm not going."

Sokka jabbed him roughly in the chest. "Hey, I'm the plan guy. I come up with the plans, and this is the plan. So...you're coming. And speaking of plans, we have a final battle to plan for, so come on."

Without another word, he grabbed Zuko by the forearm and dragged him inside. With great emphasis, Sokka stopped him right next to where Katara sat on the floor, and gave him a sharp pat on the shoulder before he made his way back to the head of the circle.

"Okay," he said, rubbing his chin. "Now where were we...yes, battle plan number seventy seven."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading guys! I really appreciate your continued support. This story has come further than I ever expected it to, and I'm really excited about how far it's come, and where it's going! In the next chapter, Sokka will propose his _new idea _and there will be repercussions of the best and worst kind. Hugs and kisses to you all (unless, again, if you think that's creepy).


	14. Fruition

A/N: LOOK, IT'S ANOTHER CHAPTER! This one was a roadblock for me, so thank you for all your patience. In this chapter, the gaang sees a play, Aang worries a little, and Zuko barfs some feelings around.

* * *

By the time Zuko convinced himself to leave his room the next day, Aang was already roaring around the house, demanding to be taught more firebending.

In all honesty, Zuko appreciated his enthusiasm. He also appreciated his dedication, dedication which could even rival his own on days, when Aang wasn't being particularly flighty. While he did have the tendency to be flighty once in a while, it seemed like the weight of the war had been pressing pretty heavily on him lately and he'd been extremely devoted to his training. And Zuko couldn't turn him down, not when he knew how much Aang needed practice, not when he knew _he _still needed practice. So he went out to the courtyard with him, the sun beating down so terribly, both boys had to rid themselves of their shirts.

It was impressive, really, how easily Aang was able to match Zuko's movements. Only a few months ago, that would have bothered him. These were things he'd struggled with for years, after all, and Aang was picking them up like they were nothing, just nothing. Zuko breathed, and allowed a strange feeling of calm to settle through his body. He didn't feel annoyed, he didn't even really feel angry.

He felt like he was doing something good.

Zuko was also aware of Katara, who was sitting on the courtyard steps, just watching them practice. He thought he would have been used to that, but he wasn't. With her eyes watching him, he was aware of every movement of his body somehow, every individual flush of his skin. He moved, his breath hitching, fire blazing around his fingers. Aang followed.

Zuko was in the middle of a rather complicated move when Sokka marched into the courtyard, _very importantly. _Zuko spotted him and instantly adjusted the arch of his back and the thrust of his foot so Sokka didn't get blasted in the face.

"Sokka," he shouted, "watch where you're walking!"

"Hmm?" Sokka looked. "Oh, you're doing your..." he waved his hand, "jerkbender practice."

Zuko just rolled his eyes. "You have to be careful," he said, coming back to a standing position. "You can't just meander around when we're practicing."

"Yeah Sokka," Aang added in support, nodding with the air of a wise old man. Zuko sighed.

"Ok, whatever," Sokka said before giving Zuko a _strangely significant look. _Zuko narrowed his eyes as if to say _don't you dare bring up that stupid play_, and Sokka waggled his eyebrows as if to say _of course I'm bringing up the stupid play. _"You guys will _never _guess what I found."

And he unfurled the poster, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. Aang _ooohed _and scootered closer, squinting at the poster. "Is that me?"

"It's about us!" Sokka said, nodding vigorously at Zuko as he just stood there and glowered. "Suki and I found out about it in town. And we're going."

"Are you sure?" Toph scratched her head. "You seem pretty confident that all of us want to go."

"Yeah, I don't know," Katara said. Zuko started; he hadn't even realized she'd come over. But she stood next to him, also crossing her arms. "I don't know if it's a good idea for all of us to be seen in a group. We only go to town when we absolutely need to, and in pairs, so we don't get recognized." She glanced at Zuko. He scowled.

"We'll be fine," Sokka insisted. "Zuko hasn't been recognized yet."

"Right, because we've been _careful_."

"Wait." Zuko frowned. "Why am I the focus of this?" He'd gone to the market a few times, and nothing had gone wrong, or even come close. "It's worse if Aang gets recognized than me."

"Yeah, but it's easier for Aang to cover up his arrow," Sokka told him.

Zuko huffed. "Easier to cover up than _what, _exactly?"

Katara patted his arm, but Sokka quailed under his glare.

"Nothing!" he said. "It's fine! You're fine. I'm sure no one will notice. But we're going. This is definitely something I need to see."

"I think it could be fun," Suki said in an encouraging tone, in an attempt to placate Zuko, who was still fuming a little. "And it can't hurt to relax before...you know."

_Yeah, the comet_.

"I'm not going to the play," Zuko said. "Especially if you all think it's a bad idea for me to go out in public."

"I didn't mean that." Katara continued to pat his arm, her hand moving in slow circles. "But you don't have to go if you don't want to. I don't even know if _I _want to go."

"No." Sokka rolled up the poster firmly, and glared at all of them in turn. "We're going. "It's five hours away, so I suggest you all mentally prepare yourselves, if that's something you need to do."

And with that, he put an arm around Suki and marched away.

Toph just shook her head.

"I've been to plays before," she said, "they're not fun."

"But this one is about us!" Aang said, still very excited about the idea. "Don't you want to see yourself in a play?"

"I can let you tell me what 'seeing myself in a play' is like," she offered dryly, "or we could all just not go. I'm with Zuko. It doesn't sound like a good idea, and if he's as recognizable as everyone _says _he is..."

Still grumbling, Zuko wondered why everyone thought it was okay to talk about him when he was standing right there. No one would say it, the reason _why _he was so recognizable, and it was irritating him more than it probably should. Steadily, he began to grow uncomfortable.

"You can stop with that anytime," he said shortly. "I've been in town before and it hasn't been a big deal. The deal with things like _this_," and he spat the word _this _so people knew it meant _scar_, "is that people make a point to _not _look at me. So I don't think it'll be a problem."

Katara stared at him, and there was a bit of a heavy pause. No one quite seemed like they knew what to do with that. Aang poked his index fingers together, looking at Katara with a _what do we say to that _sort of face.

Before either of them could say anything, though, Toph butted back in. "I thought you didn't _want _to go," she put bluntly. "So what are you huffing about? Either stay here or wear a hood so no one sees you."

There was another pause.

Aang looked between Toph and Zuko with a worried look on his face, as if he expected Zuko to blow up at her insensitivity. Katara instantly flew into _protective Katara mode, _and frowned heavily at Toph.

"Toph," she started, her voice heavy with warning, but Zuko held his hand up.

"No, she's right," he said. Both Aang and Katara slowly rotated to look at him, both with a resonating look of _what _on their faces. "It doesn't matter if I'm not going."

Aang just sort of sighed. "If you don't think it's a good idea," he shrugged, "then I guess you don't have to." Toph nodded in agreement.

"So you guys can go and _see the play_," Toph said, "and Zuko and I can stay here. Sounds good to me."

Aang shrugged again, exchanging another glance with Katara. "If you think that's best," he said. "But I think it'll be fun! How often is it that someone writes a play about you, anyway?"

"That's true," Katara said uncertainly, still wavering on the edge, it seemed, of wanting to go and wanting to stay behind. "But it doesn't matter if Sokka drags us all there whether we want to go or not."

"Sokka isn't the boss of me," Toph jabbed a thumb to her chest. "Nobody is."

It occurred to Zuko that he was sort of hungry, and he felt himself starting to drift away from the conversation anyway. So he walked a few paces away to the fountain and wiped some sweat off his face with a towel, vaguely aware of Katara's eyes following him.

"I'm with Aang," she decided then, her voice suddenly firm. "It does sound fun. And with the comet so close..."

"With the comet so close, we have other things to worry about," Zuko cut in, pulling his shirt back over his head. "This just sounds like time wasting nonsense."

He vaguely remembered why Sokka was trying to drag them to the theater in the first place, and he felt his face go a little red. He blamed it on the heat. _Definitely _the heat.

"Well, what if I said I _wanted _you to go?" Katara said suddenly, a sharp tone in her voice. Zuko looked, a little surprised, and she had her arms folded over her chest, her eyebrows furrowed. "Would you?"

Zuko blinked. Toph rammed her elbow into Katara's ribs, smirking, and Katara huffed, pushing her away.

"Uh...I guess, if you wanted," Zuko said, confused, and maybe just a little too hopeful. _Does she want me to go?_

_ Maybe Sokka's plan isn't as stupid as I thought._

"Well, I guess that's that!" Aang said. "We're all going. I'll go tell Sokka."

He scootered away, leaving Toph to slap her forehead in frustration. She chased after him, saying something to the effect of _I'll smash your head in if you make me go to that play, Twinkletoes_, which just left Zuko sitting on the edge of the fountain, and Katara lingering just a few steps away.

He raised his eyes to her. "Do you want me to go?" He would, if she wanted him to. It felt like he would do anything if Katara wanted him to do it. There was just a part of him that wanted to hear it from her, even if he could almost tell how she felt, what she wanted. He still wanted her to look at him and say _yes, I want you to come._

And she did.

"I want you to be there," she muttered, looking somewhere between his eyes and the ground. "I want you to come."

He nodded.

"Okay," he said, standing up. "I'll go."

Katara smiled at him a little, and he touched her shoulder, brushing his thumb across her skin. "Good," she said, looking a bit happy. She smiled again, and Zuko felt an impossible rush of feeling, still so dizzying, even if Katara had smiled at him a hundred times. Even if she did a hundred more times, a thousand times, even a _million, _Zuko was positive it would feel this way every time.

Every time.

* * *

The theater was surprisingly full.

Katara sat down in her seat, and Aang sat next to her, looking quite excited about the play. He turned around and saw Zuko, and instantly scooted to one side of the bench, _away _from Katara. "Sit next to me, hotman!"

Zuko repressed a scowl. Sokka must have told Aang what he was up to.

Stepping around Aang, Zuko sat between him and Katara, still not feeling nearly as romantic as Sokka had promised he would. Mostly, he was still trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever he was about to witness. He didn't know exactly what to _expect _from a play about himself. He'd done bad stuff.

He didn't really want to see a play about him doing bad stuff.

Then again, the poster made it seem like the focus was going to be on Aang, so maybe there wasn't anything to worry about. Maybe he was overreacting, or at least preparing to overreact. The fact, though, that it was being put on by the _Fire Nation _worried him. And no one had seemed to realize that but _him._

Zuko pulled his hood further over his head, and Katara patted his knee.

"You're fine," she said in a low voice. "I don't think anyone noticed you."

"Yeah, for now."

The lights dimmed, and Zuko groaned internally.

Maybe a little externally, too.

Katara patted his knee again.

* * *

This was stupid.

This was so stupid, Zuko could hardly believe he was watching it.

It seemed as if his index and middle finger were permanently glued to his temple as he pushed at the skin, positively and absolutely _annoyed_ at what was transpiring before him.

"Oh, no," Katara whispered as the next scene went up. "Not this."

Zuko looked, and saw the three actors wandering about aimlessly on stage. He, for one, was just relieved that he wasn't involved. Every time Actor Zuko opened his mouth, he wanted to punch something. A lot of things.

Most things.

From the corner of his eye, Zuko could see Sokka poke Katara and giggle. She scowled deeply and crossed her arms over her chest, sinking a little in her seat. This was a terrible idea, Zuko could tell already. The only ones enjoying themselves so far were Sokka and Toph, and really, it didn't take much to amuse either of them.

And it _definitely _wasn't as romantic as Sokka had promised Zuko it would be.

"Psst," Sokka said in Zuko's ear. "You might want to pay attention to this part."

"What? Why?"

"_Pro tips,_" Sokka said sagely, and nodded.

"What are you..."

Katara's actress wandered on stage, looking extremely confused and emotional. Another actor swaggered out, and said something to the effect of "hey baby, come make out with me in my treehouse."

Zuko scowled.

He remembered then, what Sokka had said all those weeks ago. _He was totally charismatic, tough, and bad. I caught them kissing, like, twice._

_ Jet._

Zuko scowled even more.

Meanwhile, Katara sunk even further in her seat, awfully red in the face. Instantly, and all too easily, Zuko jumped to the wildest of conclusions. _She liked him. They kissed. She still likes him. He's gonna show up and I'm gonna have to fight him off AGAIN and I will never ever be rid of him._

"Don't cry, baby," the Jet actor said, and with way more bravado than even the real Jet was capable of, "Jet will wipe out that nasty town for you!"

Sokka poked Katara again, and laughed.

Still not understanding what was so fun about this idea, Zuko made a point to cross his arms and huff loudly.

"It's not even like that," Katara said to him in a hushed voice once the lights went down and the scene changed. "He turned out to be...well..." she stopped, looking a little guilty, like there was some piece of information she was reluctant to say.

"Crazy?" Zuko deadpanned back, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She looked at him, curious.

"Did you know him?"

"Yeah, I knew him. He's _crazy._"

"Oh." Katara looked at the floor, and scrunched up her eyebrows. "Well...yeah, I guess he is. I mean...was."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, he sort of di..."

She was cut off by the scene change, and her mouth clamped shut. Zuko was confused, but he pushed it out of his mind, because thoughts about Jet just really made him angry, and he just didn't need any more of that. The play, as it had transpired so far, was making him angry enough as it was.

Sokka was just laughing.

Zuko wondered if anyone would notice if he set something on fire.

* * *

_This was the stupidest thing he'd ever been to._

Katara seemed near to smashing her head against something, which only made Zuko feel a little better, because at least he wasn't the only one getting catatonic. Hours, it seemed, had gone by, and all the play had managed to do was make him look like _the biggest asshole on the planet. _

He was sort of starting to feel like it was true, too.

The scene changed, and he felt another stab of guilt in his chest, because even with the poor quality of the set, Zuko could tell that those were the crystal catacombs. Making a great effort not to look at Katara, not to think about Katara, Zuko focused his eyes on the seat in front of him, rather than the stage. Or Katara. Or anything.

With all his power he tried to block out what was happening. Certain words though, snuck though, and caught him in just the wrong places. "_Captured...attractive...avatar's girl."_

He was busy sulking, not really paying attention, when Katara made a garbled noise.

First, he looked at her. Bright red, she just stared straight ahead with wide eyes. Zuko felt Sokka clamp two hands on each side of his skull and sharply turn him to look at the stage.

Oh.

_Oh._

Suddenly, the urge to flee hit him. To get up and storm away and probably never come back, because he and Katara were still in the catacombs and _they were kissing. _All the heat in his body rushed straight up to his face, and he was sure it would never leave.

It wasn't fair. Zuko found himself angry, because it was so _wrong_, because they'd taken one of the biggest mistakes in his life, one of his worst moments, and _trivialized it. _They'd taken one of his rawest emotions, probably his _best_ one, and _cheapened it. _

It was then he chanced a glance at Katara, who just looked at him from the corner of her eye. There was so much, _so much _brewing in her eyes, that Zuko couldn't tell what meant what. She just looked at him through what seemed like miles and miles of empty space, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

Zuko thought what it would be like to have it between _his _teeth.

Again, he felt Sokka poke him, and he forced his eyes back to the stage, not thinking about the play, or Sokka, or Jet (who was dead, apparently), or Katara or her lips or whether it would be nice or not to have her lips between his teeth (it probably would).

He ground his teeth together and tried not to think about anything at all.

* * *

Thankfully, the act was over, and Zuko stood up before anyone else. He yanked his hood back over his head and huffed quickly away, hoping to find a place he could wander around by himself for a while. Maybe no one would come looking for him, this time, and maybe he wouldn't have to suffer through any more of the stupid play. Eventually, he found himself back outside, where the air was surprisingly cool. If he wasn't so angry, it would have been refreshing. Keeping his hood pulled closely over his face, he ducked through swarms of people, hoping no one would connect him to the actor on stage.

It wasn't exactly _common _to have a scar where he did.

Still, no one seemed to realize who he was, so he managed to get away without much trouble. _Maybe I should just go back to the house. _

He definitely didn't want to stick around to watch any more.

Zuko walked around to the back of the building and leaned up against it, certain no one would find him, crossing his arms. He just needed to ruminate, just for a while, even though people had told him over and over again that ruminating wasn't good. He didn't really care anymore.

It was Suki who found him, eventually.

"How did you find me?" he frowned. She just shrugged.

"I followed you."

"What.._why_."

"Because I knew you were going to leave," she said pointedly. "You're worrying everyone."

Zuko looked at her, his face deadpan. "Are they surprised?"

"You have to stop storming away every time something upsets you," Suki said. "I feel like we've told you this a thousand times."

"I didn't storm away," Zuko said, frowning. "I'm just..." _What? Upset? Embarrassed? Everything else in the middle?_ "I'm just taking a break. I'll go back in when it's time."

"Okay," Suki said, "but Katara was looking for you."

She turned to walk away, but Zuko was too interested now to let her leave. "Wait," he said, walking after her. "What? She was?"

Shrugging, Suki kept walking, keeping her back to him. "I think so. At least, it _sounded _like that's what she said. You'll have to ask her."

Against his better judgement, Zuko followed Suki back inside, where it turned out that Katara was too busy talking to Aang to mention anything about wanting to talk to him too, before they were ushered back inside.

Zuko noticed that she was tenser when he sat down.

He didn't say anything to her. Maybe he should have. Maybe he should have told her then, like he should have told her a hundred times already, how he felt, but it never seemed like the right time. Now, it was starting to seem like there _would _be no right time. They'd both watched versions of themselves kiss in a play, and his reaction had been to run. Katara's, he didn't know.

But the itching need to confront it was rising.

Usually his instant reaction was to confront, he knew. That's how it had always been at home with Azula, that's how most of his relationship with Uncle had been, that's normally how he handled _everything. _And yet here was this thing, this thing he needed to confront Katara about and _say, _but he just couldn't do it. And he didn't know why.

When the lights went back down, he heard Katara sigh.

He hoped it wasn't because of him.

* * *

On the walk back to the house, everyone was pretty much silent. Zuko was still reeling from what he'd seen. Somehow, everyone had ended up dead and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to take that, exactly.

"It was just a stupid play," Toph said when Zuko opened the front door. "Obviously we're not all going to die."

"Yeah, it was way off. In a lot of places." Sokka said this like it _wasn't _obvious. "I mean, you saw how unfunny I was."

"Well all did," Toph groaned, making to sit down heavily at the kitchen table. "We also go through it every _day, _but you don't hear us complaining about it."

Aang was fretting.

"But what if that really _does _happen?" he asked. "What if we can't defeat the Firelord? What if it's too late, and we can't save Ba Sing Se, or the earth kingdom, or...or anyone?"

Zuko frowned. "Aang, stop. It's not going to take much of this for you to completely wreck your confidence. There's no point in dwelling on what could happen."

"Zuko's right," Sokka put in. "We all know you can do this. That _we _can do this."

"Aang," Katara put a hand on his shoulder, "The play was stupid. Nothing...almost nothing in that play really happened."

"You know, that's very interesting, Katara," Sokka said, putting a hand to his chin. "Does that mean there are things in the play that did happen? Because I myself was curious about that."

Katara glared at him.

"I liked the parts before I showed up," Toph said, "where you guys just sucked and Zuko yelled a lot."

Everyone gave a collective huff.

It took a while, but eventually Aang got a little better and went outside to spend some time with Appa. Katara wandered off towards the parlor, and Sokka nudged Zuko.

Zuko swatted him away. "I get it, stop," he hissed, and followed her.

When he walked into the parlor, she was standing by the window, just looking outside. She was quiet.

"I never told them what happened," she said eventually, her back still to him. "In Ba Sing Se. They never asked."

Zuko didn't say anything right away. He wasn't sure what he was _supposed _to say; he and Katara had never talked about it, not even in passing. "Is it really important?"

Katara turned her face just a little, so he could see her profile. "No," she said. "I guess not."

Really, he shouldn't have been surprised that she hadn't mentioned it. _Nothing DID happen. Nothing like that, anyway. _

And even if the scar _wasn't _too deep, even if it _could have _been healed, nothing still would have happened. He was certain the betrayal would have been the same either way.

And he hated that.

"I never apologized," he said after a heavy pause, his voice still rough. "For what I did."

"Zuko..." Katara sighed. "You can't..."

"I'm not done," he interrupted. "I should have apologized a long time ago. I should have done a _lot _of things a long time ago."

Now Katara's eyes were fully on him, her eyebrows scrunched just a little. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly, her fingers just barely dragging against the wood of the windowsill as she turned.

"I mean that I was so wrapped up in what my dad was feeding me that I didn't come to the right side sooner, that I didn't understand what was important _soon enough_, that I still haven't told my uncle how much he means to me and that..." he paused only long enough to breathe, "I haven't told _you_..."

He must not have noticed Katara crossing the room. "It's okay," she said, her hands somehow his hair. _How did they get there?_ "there's things I haven't..."

But she stopped, because Zuko kissed her.

Zuko put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her, because this time, he felt sure he would die if he didn't.

Turns out, he felt like he was going to die anyway.

Katara's lips were soft, careful, just barely parted under his, and he swore he heard, no, _felt _her whisper "_Zuko_" before she sunk into him. And he felt it, he felt her body relax, felt her _melt_, felt her breath and her skin and her lips, finally her _lips._

Katara breathed against him, no, _into him. She was kissing him. _

_ Spirits, I love you._

Her mouth opened just a little, and Zuko traced her bottom lip with his tongue, because he'd been thinking about this for so long. Katara was there, her hands roaming through his hair, her sighs spilling into his mouth.

Katara broke away first, her lips still parted, her face flushed. Zuko just stared, hardly believing, hardly _thinking_, even.

He threw his arms around her, pushed his nose into her hair. Katara hugged him back, fiercely, her heart hammering. There wasn't anything else but her, how could there be? What did it matter if there were Ozais, if there were Yon Rhas, if there were Kataras?

Katara's fingers curled in his hair again. Pressed against him, he could still feel her heart beating, and _oh how it beat._

* * *

A/N: A ZUTARA KISS FINALLY

Thanks for reading! This was a big one.

Jet is one of my favorite characters, so I'M SORRY if I was a little heavy handed with his piece in the play, but there's really no room for him anywhere else in this whole story, so I threw him in here as much as I could because really, I love him a lot.

If you want to follow my tumblr, I've changed my url to 'zukoshotpants.' It's a fun place! I cry a lot. Thanks again for your support and your reviews and everything you guys do!


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